The Chaos And Pain Revolution

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Paleotards Are Doing It Wrong, Part Quatre

Posted on: October 8th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments


Identifying Which Type of “Paleo” Dieting is Best for You

​By this point, it should be apparent  that there is hardly any consensus on what, exactly, comprises the diet of our Paleolithic forebears, be it in the media, scholastic circles, the general public, or even the hard sciences.  The debate on this topic, which is generally about as civil as those witnessed between the heavily tanned, overly medicated, and utterly worthless, vapid cunts on Real Housewives of New Jersey, seems to have no logical ending point.  Due to the reticence of the scientific community to support it (ostensibly due to massive pressure more nefarious than Ivan the Terrible’s secret police), no clear answer in regards to what constitutes an ancestral or Paleolithic diet can be reached.  Moreover, due to modern agriculture and the unwillingness of most people to accept the facts that 1) no one who eats modern produce is truly eating “Paleo” and 2) there is no one “ultimate” or “perfect” Paleolithic Diet, this question literally cannot be resolved because we cannot recreate the diet without foraging and because the answer is far more complex than a simple yes or no.

Happy hunting!

Interestingly, I stumbled across an article in Scientific American that echoed my sentiments regarding the relative futility of attempting to isolate the “ultimate” paleo diet- you might as well hunt for the Lost Ark, the Fountain of Youth, and Lemuria while you’re at it.  According to the author of the article in SA, “the Paleo diet is founded more on privilege than logic” (Jabr).  Another author, Marlene Zuk, supported that argument in her book Paleofantasies, stating that “‘Paleofantasies’ call to mind a time when everything about us- body, mind, and behavior- was in sync with the environment… but no such time existed” (Ibid).

Every single species consumed today, as I’ve mentioned previously, is about as different from its Paleolithic ancestor as Mini Me from Austin Powers is from a prototypical, bloodthirsty, take-no-prisoners-because-we’ll-eat-them-before-we-get-home Cro-Magnon man.  Whether flora or fauna, we’ve selectively bred everything we eat for desirable traits, rendering them totally dissimilar to their Paleolithic forebears.  The entire Brassica family (brussel sprouts, cabbage, broccoli, kale, bok choi, etc) is derived from a single plant that wasn’t domesticated until 4000 BCE.  Contrary to the assertions of the popular media, J. Stanton suggests that the most damning evidence to the conception of Paleolithic starches, fruits, and veggies as wholly similar to those of the modern era (in terms of glycemic load and carbohydrate content) is the utter lack of tooth decay in Paleolithic remains.

“There’s some currently fashionable dogma out there that “we found some starch stuck in a dead guy’s teeth, so cavemen definitely ate lots of carbs,” but the condition of the teeth disprove that: carb-heavy diets = tooth decay in a land without toothbrushes and fluoridated toothpaste, and Paleolithic teeth, including the ones found with starch stuck in them, are uniformly excellent.  The single exception: someone found a place they were eating lots of acorns in the almost-Neolithic (15 KYa = 15,000 years ago) and they indeed had shitty teeth.  Unlike every other “starch in teeth” site, they also found the remains of woven baskets for storing those acorns: there’s a world of difference between “we ate it because it was on the ground for a few days and we’re hungry” and “we gather it, store it, and live off it for a substantial part of the year.”

The “starch in teeth” carb apologists also neglect to note that Paleolithic digs often contain thousands of handaxes, scrapers, flakes, and other meat-processing tools, and thousands of animal bones. (Example: 18,500 stone artifacts.)  And the wide variation in salivary amylase gene copy number between different races and cultures of modern humans (Perry 2007) suggests that the adaptation to high-starch diets is both very recent and incomplete” (Stanton).

Throw on top of that brutally damning heap of factual pain the ridiculously stark lack of diversity in modern Paleo diets, and the idea that modern humans could eat a truly Paleolithic diet is nailed shut harder than a porn star in a 500 man gangbang.

Another issue I previously mentioned was the conception of regional diversity in Paleo and hunter-gatherer diets, which vary widely in food selection and macronutrient profiles.  The Scientific American again backed my assertions in this regard, pointing to four different hunter-gatherer societies and their respective diets- the Inuit, Hiwi, !Kung, and Hazda.  To see exactly how disparate their diets are/were, check out this badass infographic.

As you can see, their versions of Paleo are about as different as African carnies would be from a pack of white bread assholes in an East Coast country club.  Having made all of those points and covered all of the caveats, it’s about time to pick a Paleo diet.  Before we delve into the abyss on making the determination that people seem to think will either provide the meaning of life or utter and complete physical destruction, it seems it would behoove us to rehash their various types, however.  There are four main types:

Strict Paleo

  • Allowed: Meat, fat, organs, and any other unprocessed animal product from animals fed and finished on grass (or forage, in the case of non-grass-eaters like chickens); fish and shellfish; eggs; tree nuts; vegetables; roots; berries; mushrooms; certain fruits in limited quantities; raw honey in small amounts.
  • Forbidden:  Dairy products, legumes, grains, potatoes, sugar, added salt, and processed foods of any kind.

Strict Paleo Pros

  1. It works very well for fat loss and recomposition.
  2. It is very black and white, so there is no confusion as to what is and what is not allowed.

Strict Paleo Cons
  1. It was based on incomplete information, so it’s about as restrictive as a whalebone corset on one of those fat pinup girls who think that good lighting and a shitload of makeup take off 50 lbs, and the corset takes off another 50..
  2. Saltless could mean electrolyte imbalances if you’re doing a lot of GPP, cardio, cutting weight, or training in the eat.  You could end up cramping like
  3. It’s bland as all hell.
  4. It’s pretty low calorie, so it would be hard to gain muscle or even maintain a lot of muscle on this diet.

Traditional Paleo

  • Allowed:  Everything in strict paleo with the addition of salt, and other spices (except soy sauce and other grain-derived sauces); sweet potatoes; cooking oils made from animals or fruits (tallow, coconut, palm, olive); clarified butter; limited amounts of coffee, tea, mate, and other stimulant-laden beverages.  Red meat is encouraged over white, eating the entire animal (offal and all) is encouraged.
  • Forbidden: Legumes, grains, white potatoes, sugar, and processed foods of any kind.

Traditional Paleo Pros

  1. It falls much more in line with what we know about the eating patterns of Paleolithic man.  One Paleolithic site in Egypt showed residues of 157 different plant and herb species, and it’s believed that even more were used that left no residue (Moore 327–99).  Robb Wolf espouses the use of a variety of spices for their medicinal purposes, and it’s known that Paleolithic man used spices as medicinal aids as well (Karnes)
  2. The use of oil was in place during the Paleolithic, though they seem to have used nut oil for cooking.  Loren Cordain suggests that good modern cooking oils, other than animal fats, are flaxseed, walnut, olive, macadamia, coconut, and avocado (Vuolo).
  3. It’s well known that hunter-gatherers dating back to the Neanderthals utilized stimulants ranging from coca leaves to khat to ephedra.  As such, it only makes sense that stimulants be allowed in a paleo diet.

Traditional Paleo Cons

  1. It’s still light on carbs, for people who are very carb-centric, but not on calories, as fattier meat is encouraged to stave off “rabbit starvation.”



  • Allowed: White potatoes (which I’ve explained are not only not paleo, but they were not even considered edible food in medieval in Europe), dairy if you tolerate it well, and gluten-free soy sauce is OK.  Carb recommendation is around 150g/day.  Occasional cheating on the diet is ok- i.e. the “80/20 rule.”
  • Forbidden: Grains and “vegetable oils” like corn, soy, sunflower, grapeseed, and canola; corn syrup; textured vegetable protein.

Primal Paleo Pros

  1. It’s easy.
  2. It offers a lot of food choices.
  3. It’s a simple way for normal people to eat “clean”.

Primal Paleo Cons

  1. It’s really not paleo.
  2. It allows a lot of high GI carbs.
  3. I’d not going to afford the same kind of fat loss or lean muscle as the previous types of paleo.

Perfect Health Diet

  • In short, this is Primal with the addition of white rice and a few other tropical “safe starches” (e.g. cassava, sago, taro, tapioca), and is in no way, shape or form, actually paleo.  This is paleo-lite for housewives.  Avoid it.


There should be a man selling meat on a stick on every street corner in the world.

​So, this leaves us with a choice.  To me, the choice is clear- I’ve done it and it works.  Traditional paleo kicks ass.  I will say that I’ve included a post workout meal of durum kebab most of the time that I’ve done the traditional paleo route, so as to get more calories and some post workout carbs, so I was eating about a half pound of roast chicken slathered in hot sauce on a burrito shell / flatbread.  This was necessary because at the time I was eating far too low fat, but one must remember that when Ray Audette wrote Neanderthin, the study of Paleolithic diets was in its infancy, so he’s off base in some ways.  Strict paleo left me hungry and weak most of the time, and eating food without salt is like having sex without penetration.  Robb Wolf knows his stuff and a higher fat diet that includes seasonings is exactly what I espouse with my Apex Predator Diet.  I will agree that identifying the “type” of paleo is an issue, but to me this is a problem in and of itself.    Wolf’s recommendations (Traditional Paleo), to my mind, fall best in line with what archaeology tells us Paleolithic diets were like, but none of the rest resemble Paleolithic diets in any way.  Instead, they’re ridiculous alterations of a very simple concept simply to make the diet palatable to the general public.

Lastly, it should be mentioned that pretty much everyone who slams into the weights like a rhino into a Land Rover on safari modifies whatever paleo diet they’ve chosen in some way.  I mentioned I included protein shakes, one flatbread a day, and weekly cheat meals, though I still consdered my diet to be paleo.  That’s what Robb Wolf refers to as your “paleo percentage.” According to a writer for Robb’s website,

“Logically, we all ‘get’ what these paleo percentages mean, right? It’s not rocket science. You eat clean paleo (this means no paleo pancakes, paleo cookies, or other hybrid paleo creations that are showing up on some Paleo cooking blogs)a given percent of the time (like 80 or 90) and then the other 10-20 percent of the time you enjoy some non-sanctioned deliciousness. That’s really all there is to it. Everybody got that” (Kubal).

I might also mention that I chug Diet Coke, or as it was called in Vienna “Coke Lite”, like a man dying of dehydration, so no matter what paleo diet type you choose, remember that you’re a human being living in the Modern Era and none of the stuff you eat will actually be Paleolithic, so just don’t take yourself as seriously as an Evangelical Christian who accidentally wandered into a sex toy shop and just eat as closely to the diet of your choice as possible.  Pick the type of diet that suits your goals and personal food preferences and you’ll be solid.

So there you have it- Paleolithic dieting broken down like a fat kid in gym class.  As Wolf’s famous for saying “Eat to live, don’t live to eat.”  Just don’t take this shit too seriously- YOLO, bitches.


Jabr, Ferris.  How to Really Eat Like a Hunter-Gatherer: Why the Paleo Diet Is Half-Baked.  Scientific American.  3 Jun 2013.  Web.  8 Oct 2015.

Karnes, Amber.  The Paleo Table: 8 herbs & spices you should get to know.  Robb Wolf.  29 Nov 2010.  Web.  19 Aug 2015.

Kubal, Amy.  90/10, 80/20, 40/60… What’s Your Paleo Percentage?  11 Jul 2013.  Web.  8 Oct 2015.

Moore AMT, Hillman GC, Legge AJ, ed.  Village on the Euphrates.  Oxford University Press: 2000,

Stanton, J.  Personal Correspondence.

Vuolo, Stephanie.  Paleo diet primer: fats and oils.  The Paleo Diet.  Web.  19 Aug 2015.

Throwback Thursday: Apex Predator Diet For Athletes and Italians (APD + Carbs)

Posted on: September 17th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
When I first posted about my concept for the Apex Predator Diet, I received a spate of emails asking me about pre-, peri-, and post-workout carbohydrates.  As I’ve stated more than once before, I think that the current infatuation with those three facets of one’s nutrition are perhaps the most absurdly overblown distraction from critical points of training and nutrition one could have.  It’s like a leper colony appealing to the UN for condoms and zit cream.  People obsessed with peri-workout nutrition come in exactly one form- people who have no goddamned clue what a real workout is, clad in whatever the trendy workout gear of the moment is, making a goddamned production of making a shake midworkout and getting in my way when I’m trying to get water in between sets.  That’s right- if you’re focused with laser-like intensity on your mid-workout nutrition, you’re a goddamned bitch.  When you’re lifting, you should be concerned with weights, not Biotest supplements and waxy maize.
Jon Cole, beast of all beasts.  First man to squat 900, and an unreal 1200 total (430 press, 340 snatch, and a 430 push jerk) at the same weight in weightlifting, a sport for which he really didn’t train and rarely competed.  This man was wildly unconcerned with his peri-workout nutrition.

As for the pre- and post-workout nutrition guys, they’re certainly a lesser form of evil, probably duped into thinking that shit is of critical importance through the constant barrage of marketing that pervades every corner of life.  For every person who states that pre- and post-workout nutrition is of critical importance if you want to gain mass and strength, I’ve got 100 people to name who did it without either, and a cock to slap across your lips.  That’s not to say, however, that there’s no benefit to be gained from either, but rather that their combined importance is still far less than that of the workout itself.  Given the fact that you’re reading this, it’s highly likely that you know this, so I’ll be happy to impart a bit of knowledge on the subject of pre- and post- workout carbohydrate meals and their utility in the Apex Predator Diet.

That stated, I’ll address the athletes who’ve expressed their concerns about consuming a ketogenic diet while participating in a sport that involved more than simply grunting and picking up heavy shit.  I personally have followed a ketogenic diet while wrestling and found I had no problem with energy provided that I kept my calories relatively high.  At that time, I was wrestling at 134 pounds and my diet consisted, as I recall, of pork sausage patties for breakfast and about a dozen hamburger patties throughout the rest of the day, in addition to the very occasional protein shake.  At the time, I hadn’t really jumped onto the supplementation bandwagon, so I really didn’t consume much in the way of supplements outside of my favorite ephedrine-filled supplements ever- Metaform Heat and Ultimate Orange.  For those of you too young to know about either of these supplements, they had so much caffeine and ephedrine in them that meth addicts were scared to take them.  Both of them tasted like fruit flavored cat shit, but they got you going.  As such, I’ll reassert my support for the consumption of stimulants, especially for those of you who need extra energy for running around and the like.  Once more, they’re not necessary, but they’re helpful, just as the inclusion of carbohydrates might be if you’re not as genetically well-suited to ketogenic dieting as I am.


Oh, how I long for thee, Metaform Heat.

Tinkering with the Apex Predator Diet

I’ve stated time and time again that it’s imperative that you experiment with anything and everything you try in order to maximize your personal benefit.  Doing so would generally necessitate a fair amount of research, but give my penchant for research, I’ve tried to do a fair amount of the legwork for you.  One concern some people have had with the Apex Predator Diet is that they experience a tremendous amount of lethargy a couple of days into the low carbohydrate phase of the APD.  Given the amazing array of biochemical makeups one could have, this should come as no surprise- I’ve never suggested that anything I do is “one size fits all.”  In my still unfinished Metabolic Typing series, I outlined various metabolic typing methodologies, but the current trend is to divide people into Protein, Carb, or Mixed types.  It’s possible to transition from one to the other, according to some authors, so making that attempt might be worthwhile.  

As I mentioned in the ATA about the diet, Lyle McDonald and Dan Duchaine both suggested the use of an Isocaloric diet if one is shifting from a traditional high carb, low fat diet into a ketogenic diet.  An interesting study by Stephen Phinney examined the initial investigations into ketogenic diets for endurance energy, and his study uncovered exactly what Duchaine and McDonald alluded to- the body often requires at least a two week acclimation period to wean athletes off their carbohydrate diet.(Phinney)  Thus, your “carb crash” might be mitigated by the gradual transition.  Something like the Zone Diet might help people who would be considered Carb-Types according to a Metabolic Typing test transition to a Protein Type.  A month of Zone Dieting, however, might not be enough to complete the transition, and you might experience the crash Phinney noted.  The Inuit, according to Phinney, dealt with energy lags by greatly increasing their consumption of fat and decreasing their protein intake accordingly, while other authors have suggested taht fat could be decreased and carbs could be increased accordingly.  The key, then, is to determine what works best for you.  That is, of course, the entire purpose of the Apex Predator Diet- to allow one to shed fat while gaining muscle and strength.  Luckily for me, I’m well-suited to ketogenic dieting.  For those of you who aren’t, or feel as though you need more quick energy to facilitate sporting competition or just to fuel your workouts, there is hope for you yet.



Efferding rocks a fairly unique diet of 50% fat, 23% carbs, and 27% protein, for instance.  It’s all about finding your person sweet spot, which he’s clearly done.

A Historical Aside

Before you delve into the following bits about the utilization of carbohydrates to spur greater athletic performance, I’ll go ahead and make a quick aside- a quick study of the entirety of human history will lead to one inevitable conclusion.  Humans do not require carbohydrates to perform at a high level.  The history of agriculture is essentially the history of human collectives in areas of high population densities- carbohydrates provide a cheap, easy way to feed a large population in a small area.  Put another way, carbohydrates are the fare of plebians and slaves, as crops were grown to feed the menial workers cheaply and to keep them alive while they built absurd buildings like ziggurats and pyramids.  As I’ve shown before, humans were larger and more muscular in the paleolithic era than the neolithic, and those peoples credited with being the strongest and most muscular in recorded history were all nearly entirely carnivorous.  The peoples considered to be the scourges of Europe were always nomads, championing animal husbandry and looking down upon agrarian societies as prey- the Huns, Goths, Mongols, Scythians and Sarmatians all ate similar diets that consisted of little more than meat and milk.  Of the Goths, Tacitus noted that “Feasts and entertainments, which, though inelegant, are plentifully furnished, are their only pay. The means of this bounty come from war and rapine. Nor are they as easily persuaded to plough the earth and to wait for the year’s produce as to challenge an enemy and earn the honour of wounds. Nay, they actually think it tame and stupid to acquire by the sweat of toil what they might win by their blood.”(Tacitus)  Though the latter two tribes eventually adopted agriculture, their agricultural products were the fare of those who remained behind with the villages, rather than those who rode into battle.  The Huns and the Mongols took this even further, eating little more than horse and game meat, and drank mare’s milk and horse blood to supplement their nutrition.  This diet hardly hamstrung them- it enabled them to conquer vast territories while constantly outnumbered, and fueled legends of their incredible ferocity.(Turnbull 30)




“looming on horseback 8 ft above the ground, screaming maniacally, capable of unleashing repetitive and deadly fights of triple-edged arrows, they must have seemed the very embodiment of horror to those who had to stand and fight them. Nor were such fears unwarranted, for Scythian warriors regularly beheaded their enemies and sometimes even skinned them whole. If an enemy were known personally, his skull might receive a special treatment: sawn through below the eyes, it would be cleaned and painstakingly fashioned into richly appointed drinking vessel. Not surprisingly, Scythian ceremonies especially royal funerals, were drenched in blood: sometimes these drinking vessels were filled with enemy blood, mixed wine and after arrowheads were dipped into it, the concoction was imbibed by the Scythian chieftain.”(Mann 4)


Contrast these diets of these lean, mean killing machines with that of the gladiators.  Gladiators in the Roman era were generally captives obtained from battles with neighboring tribes, all of whom generally subsisted on meat.  As such, they were generally described in accounts by ancient authors as huge framed, broad shouldered, muscular, and wild eyed,(Tacitus, Jordanes, Turnbull) and were chosen to be warriors for their stature and ferocity.  Once placed into the arena, however, their diet was changed to a nearly vegetarian diet, and not because the gladiators needed the extra energy.


“The vegetarian diet had nothing to do with poverty or animal rights. Gladiators, it seems, were fat. Consuming a lot of simple carbohydrates, such as barley, and legumes, like beans, was designed for survival in the arena. Packing in the carbs also packed on the pounds. ‘Gladiators needed subcutaneous fat,” Grossschmidt explains. “A fat cushion protects you from cut wounds and shields nerves and blood vessels in a fight.’ Not only would a lean gladiator have been dead meat, he would have made for a bad show. Surface wounds “look more spectacular,” says Grossschmidt. ‘If I get wounded but just in the fatty layer, I can fight on,” he adds. “It doesn’t hurt much, and it looks great for the spectators.'”(Curry)

So, high carbohydrate diets are awesome for getting fat, and but are they necessary for maintaining cardiovascular endurance?  Nope.  The aforementioned study by Phinney cited two still-unrefuted studies in which endurance athletes were switched to a ketogenic diet.  In both studies, their performance improved considerably after their acclimatization period. Neither group consumed supplementary calories, but rather increased their fat intake to accommodate their increased energy needs.  Thus, you might consider altering your macronutrient profile simply by adjusting your fat intake prior to attempting the inclusion of carbs.  Were I to do so, I’d consider adding heavy cream to my protein shakes and possibly rubbing my ribs with olive oil.

Upping Your Carbs Pre- and Post Workout

If you’re not interested n increasing your fat intake or have already tried it and found it didn’t do what you’d wanted, there’s always upping your carbs.  In the Anabolic Diet, Mauro Di Pasquale mentions that certain people will have a tremendous amount of difficulty maintaining progress on a ketogenic diet consisting of 30 grams of carbohydrate a day.  As such, he recommends that  one complete at least the initial 10-14 day keto run and then begin experimenting with increases in their carbohydrate levels until an optimal balance between performance and body recomposition is struck.  Following this line of thought, he tailored a diet for Gozilla’s second cousin on the black side of the family, Bob Sapp, so that it lowered the fats somewhat and increased the carbohydrates.(Di Pasquale, Bob Sapp 11)  He did mention, however, in the Anabolic Solution for Powerlifters, that people who are excellent fat oxidizers (like myself) can easily train on 20 grams of carbohydrates a day, so experimentation is absolutely critical- don’t just decide what you need at the outset.(ADFP 21)  Ol’ Mauro claims that the timing of one’s carbohydrates is fairly insignificant, but does note that eating pre-workout carbohydrates will decrease IGF-1 and GH.(ASBB 70)  Thus, he recommends eating 50-100 grams of carbohydrates postworkout, for a total carbohydrate intake of .5-1gram of carbohydrates per pound of bodyweight a day.  This, of course, would necessitate a concordant drop in fat intake.

On the flip side of the coin, Lyle McDonald’s Targeted Ketogenic Diet is actually based on the utilization of mostly pre-workout carbohydrates, which he feels are necessary to fuel high intensity exercise.  He recommends 25-50 grams of carbohydrate pre-workout, and claims that the type of carbohydrate and the glycemic index thereof is insignificant.  This would, of course, still preclude the use of fructose, as the goal is to replenish muscular glycogen stores rather than the glycogen stores of the liver.  According o McDonald, pre-workout carbohydrates will likely not affect either your insulin levels nor your ketosis (though they might throw you out of ketosis for the duration of your workout), and are thus fair game for just about everyone.  Conversely, post workout carbohydrates may negatively affect ketosis, so he encourages experimentation with those.(Ketogenic Diet 125)

As for the type of carbohydrates, I have a suggestion from novelist and paleo internet guru J. Stanton, who told me that he’s been using a modified version of the APD for a while with great success.  If you’re unfamiliar with his stuff, Stanton does a bunch of wacky shit outdoors that I’m inclined to call cardio, but he insists it’s just “doing epic shit outdoors”, like climbing mountains while fasted and all sorts of other shit that doesn’t involve picking things up and putting them down.  He did, however, recently start lifting and noted the APD is the shit, with a couple of his own variations: 

“Here’s an advanced-level Predator Diet variant: you may get more mileage out of your protein shake if you eat several grams of dextrose with it.  Reasoning: the protein causes some insulin release, which (if the protein is eaten solo) requires some glucose to be released from the liver in order to maintain blood sugar levels.  Then your liver will signal “NEED MORE GLUCOSE” and there will be a cortisol spike, whereupon your liver will suck up some of the protein and convert it via gluconeogenesis.  Also cortisol is catabolic.  So the additional dextrose basically gives the inevitable insulin something to chew on, and as a bonus, causes a bit of extra insulin release which will help drive protein into muscles.

(Note that “weight gainer” shakes have an assload of sugar because it’s cheaper than protein.  Too much, no good.  I’m working on about a 4:1 protein/glucose ratio, but that’s a guess and open to refinement. And it includes whatever sugar’s already in your protein powder.)

You can buy a big bag of dextrose at the brewery supply store…but the easier way is to just eat a few Bottle Caps or Sweet Tarts candies.  Believe it or not, they’re basically 100% dextrose: no sucrose or HFCS.  So my routine during protein loading days is: glass of unflavored whey isolate + 4-5 Bottle Caps, every few hours.  Note: add Runts and Spree to the list of “glucose with impurities”: like Bottle Caps and Sweet Tarts, they’re just dextrose, maltodextrin, and flavoring.”(Stanton)


The Gist

As you can see, there’s a bit of debate on the optimal timing of one’s carbs if you’re adding them to the Apex Predator Diet, but if you feel you need them, there are methods to try.  Experimentation is the name of the game, so get out your chemistry set and make something awesome happen.  Just remember, however- the baddest motheruckers ever to walk the Earth didn’t need bread to help them stomp the piss out of a bunch of bagel-chomping sonsofbitches, and it’s likely you don’t either.


Sources:  Stan Efferding 6500 calories diet.

     Curry, Andrew.  The gladiator diet.  Archaeology.

     Di Pasquale, Mauro.  Anabolic Diet.

     Di Pasquale, Mauro.  Anabolic Solution for Bodybuilders.  Mauro Di Pasquale: 2002.

     Di Pasquale, Mauro.  Anabolic Solution for Powerlifters.  Mauro Di Pasquale: 2002.

     Di Pasquale, Mauro.  Bob Sapp (The Beast) Training and Nutrition Secrets.  Published as pdf.

     Jordanes.  An account of the person of Attila.

     Mann, Nirmil.  The Life and Times of Pakher Singh Gill.  Pittsburgh: Dorrance Publishing, 2005.

     McDonald, Lyle.  Ketogenic Diet.  1998

     Phinney, Stephen D.   Ketogenic diets and physical performance.  Nut Metab 2004, 1:2.

     Tacitus.  Germania.

     Turnbull, Stephen and Wayne Reynolds.  Mongol Warrior 1200-1350.  Oxford:  Osprey Publishing, 2003. 

Throwback Thursday: Answering Questions about the Apex Predator Diet

Posted on: September 10th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
Quick note to begin:  I’ve come to the realization while googling for questions about the diet that there are at least two other diets by this name.  One I’ve already mentioned, though he didn’t quite title it as such, and was the brainchild of J. Stanton of  If you’ve not checked out his site, do so.  The other was a thread post on in 2001 by a guy named Paul.  His idea was really more intermittent fasting than mine, but we focused on a couple of similar points about meal timing.  I’d imagine my ridiculously overcited blog might have been a tipoff that I’m pretty scrupulous when it comes to intellectual property and giving credit where it’s due, but I wanted to make it clear I’d not interested in coat-tail riding or theft.  As such, I’m going to change the title of this diet to one of two things, and though you assholes might like to chime in:  The Predatory Diet, or the Predator’s Diet.
No matter what I end up calling it, it will unfortunately never be as awesome as this scene.

Moving on, I’ve received a shitload of questions in the comments, on message boards, and in emails, so I felt it was high time to answer them for everyone in a lengthy goddamned discourse outlining every last scintilla of whatever I end up calling this diet.  Hilariously, I’ve seen the “broscience” tag bandied about one more, in spite of what I consider to be an overindulgence in citations on my part.  I’ve never once seen anyone cite their diet more heavily than I, but for those assholes who’ve continued to talk shit, prepare for an onslaught of citations the likes of which you’ve only seen in the on-line texts from which you stole all of your high school essays.


Q:  Is there any truth or science behind [“once you get into the single digits (or middle double digits for chicks) you’ll find that your metabolism resembles the Israeli Killdozer- it crushes damn near anything in its path provided you have someone competent behind the wheel]? I’ve never been under 11% as far as I can remember, so I have zero personal experience to draw from and I haven’t been able to find any sources that confirm this. Figured this would be a good spot to ask since there are some BBer’s here that have definitely gotten into single digit BF%. Thanks.

It seems to matter whether you are naturally lean or not.


A:  First, the author of that post cited the wrong bit by McDonald.  In the Ultimate Diet 2, McDonald addresses the overfeeding/fat gain deal when discussing P-ratio, which is the amount of protein lost or spared during dieting.  In fat people, it’s typically a shit show, which is one of the reasons I recommend such high protein levels.  In any event, it’s people with a poor P-ratio that have the most trouble losing fat as they get leaner, and who respond less well to overfeeding.  While I’ll agree that at the extreme end of that poor p-ratio and genetic jacked-uppedness, that’s likely true, but I don’t think it applies to the vast majority of people on Earth, and I hardly think that much of my readership is genetically predisposed toward extreme adiposity- I’m hardly Richard Simmons.  Additionally, the problem with fat gain during overfeeding is due to insulin sensitivity, which is resolved by getting and staying lean, and is helped a great deal by following a ketogenic diet.  As such, fear of gaining fat on a Rampage is probably misguided.



My reasoning behind the Rampage is actually a bit different than what I posted in the above quote.  To be honest, I’m always looking for reasons to put the Killdozer into the blog, so I might have muddled my message a bit in an effort to shoehorn in that Killdozer pic.  The main reason I place so much emphasis on the Rampage is actually because as you get leaner, and the longer you diet, you experience metabolic slowdown.  A rapid influx of food causes your body to react strongly, and ramps your metabolism back up.  This is why you sweat like a slave during a Rampage- your BAT (brown adipose tissue) activates and you basically turn into a furnace.  This rebound was the basis for Duchaine’s, McDonald’s, and Warren Willey diets, all of which were based on Michael Zumpano’s Rebound Training.  My methodology differs from their due to the fact that there appears to be fairly compelling science stating that glycogen supercompensation works a bit like a crack high- every time you experience it, it’s a little less awesome.  I’d rather save the true anabolic rebounds for meets and the like, so just do a violent refeed and reap the benefits.



As for the original post above, it seems the poster didn’t actually read the study McDonald cited in his treatise on NEAT.  The study, for those of you who are interested, compared Caucasians with Pima Indians.  This was not a comparison of people who are naturally lean versus those who tend toward fatness- it was a comparison of two ethnicities, one of which is known for conquering the modern world and dominating at strength sports, and the other which is known for making trinkets, having Type 2 diabetes, and for drinking themselves to death.  The Pima Indians are genetic anomalies who’ve become so due to the fact that their traditional diet is one of feast and famine.  Additionally, they’re an extremely insular community that marries within their own group, thus reinforcing their ethnic genetic predispositions.(DeMouy)  With the introduction of the  modern “waddle up to the trough at Sizzler and eat until you pass out in your own vomit and turn up that song because I love the way Billy Ray Cyrus pronounces ‘heart'”, Pima Indians are some of the fattest people in the Western hemisphere and are about as healthy as you’d expect a community filled miniature brown Jabba the Huts.



Isidro of the Tohono O’Odham nation

If you’re not following me, this means that unless you’re a indian (casinos, not slurpees) or of that sort of descent (I’m looking at you, people whose ancestors were raped repeatedly by Spaniards), you’re likely not one of the people to whom Lyle McDonald refers to as a spendthrift type.  Thus, you needn’t really worry about whether or not you’re a “spendthrift (big increase with overfeeding/small decrease with dieting)” or a “thrifty (small increase with overfeeding/big decrease with dieting” (McDonald)  Instead of worrying about whether or not your genetics are going to get in the way of your fat loss, take the important point away from that paper- lean people are lean in large part due to the fact that they’re not shiftless layabouts.  Instead, they’re constantly in motion.  If you think about the people you know who can “eat anything”, you’ll likely recall they’re the same annoying sonofabitch appears to have a palsy because they’ve always got one leg or the other shaking like a a lone American girl on a deserted beach in Aruba.  Because they’re always in motion, they have a much higher NEAT than the average person, which means they get to eat more without getting fat.


One day, pretty white girls will figure out the fact that they should stay the hell out of Aruba.


NEAT, or nonexercise activity thermogenesis, is regulated by the shit you do every day when not in the gym, like fidgeting, random physical activities, and shit like standing up while you play XBox.  You might find that the latter is ridiculous, but science has shown rather definitively that it’s more likely your random activity that contributes to bodyfat, rather than diet by studying office workers that and comparing rates of obesity in offices that employed labor-saving devices rather than those that didn’t.(Lanningham-Foster)  In the aforementioned study, “changes in NEAT accounted for the 10-fold differences in fat storage that occurred and directly predicted resistance to fat gain with overfeeding.”(McDonald)  Additionally, “NEAT increases with overfeeding and decreases with underfeeding.”(Levine 2002)  That’s right- it increases with overfeeding.  This is likely why you’re so goddamned overheated during your cheat meals- I personally know that I sweat like slave during my cheats, and the more aggressively I cheat, the more pronounced the physiological response.  As such, I dress for warm weather no matter what temperature it is, and utilize the thermogenics to drive my metabolism on like I’m a a a manager in a DeBeers diamond mine.  Thus, the Rampage is a ridiculously important part of this diet, due to the fact that fat gain is inversely proportional to NEAT levels.(Levine 1999)
During my cheats, my name is Toby.

Random shit to increase your NEAT levels (and therefore get lean more quickly):


  • Move somewhere warm- NEAT doubles in the summer compared to the winter months.(Levine 2004)
  • Move around as much as humanly possible- take the stairs, use a printer on the other side of the office rather than the one in your department, jiggle your leg all day long like that annoying asshole in accounting, and stand up while you play video games.  Basically, stand rather than sit and sit rather than lay down.
  • Do your cardio with added resistance, like a weighted vest or carrying dumbbells, Heavyhands-style.  Doing so will double your energy expenditure.  this is especially important as you lose weight, as your NEAT will drop as you get lighter.(Weigel)
  • Chew gum.  This is a favorite suggestion of one author, who noted that it actually does cause a substantial increase in NEAT.(Wilson)
  • Do what I do- read while you walk.  though that sucks for taking notes, I will go for long walks and read while I do so all the time.  It’s fun as hell, because you’re outside, getting sun, enjoying a book, and amazing everyone around you with what is to them a goddamned magic trick.  If it’s something on which you need to take notes, simply dog-ear the pages on which you need to take them and take the notes afterward- your retention rates will go through the roof since you’ll essential read the important shit twice.



Q:”Too much protein damages your kidneys.”(More of a statement, really, made by someone who has no goddamned clue what they’re talking about)

A: This is wholly, completely, and patently incorrect.  For healthy people, your internal organs adapt to your diet in the same way that your muscles adapt to increased training levels, and suffer no ill effects whatsoever in the transition.(Skov)  Once you get your protein levels through the goddamned roof, keeping them there doesn’t adversely affect you either.(Knight)  Additionally, high protein diets are associated with higher B-12, B-6, and folate levels, and better lipid profiles.(Knight)  Frankly, I think the entire idea that there can be “too much” protein in your diet is about as sensible as Shaquille O’Neal’s foray into rap.  Americans in particular are historically a nation of meat eaters, and we were eating 178 pounds of meat per person a year in the 19th Century and eight times as much meat as bread in the 18th… which is a tremendous amount considering the fact that refrigeration had not yet been invented.(Taubes 11)



The Harder Than You Crew.

Even if the human condition had deteriorated markedly in the last couple of hundred years, your lifestyle has bestowed upon you far greater ability to absorb the protein you consume than the average person, as resistance exercise confers greater protein synthesis.  The theory behind this, called the “Energetical Theory” of muscular hypertrophy, suggests that when “the mass of proteins catabolized by resistive exercise exceeds the mass of proteins newly synthesized… between training session, protein synthesis is increased.  The uptake of amino acids from the blood into the muscles is above resting values.  This repeated process of enhanced degradation and synthesis of contractile proteins may result in super-compensation of protein.”(Bernadot 33, Zatsiorsky 8)  Due to this phenomenon, it seems ridiculous that the human body would be adversely affected by high dietary intake of protein.  Were humans subject to a hard limit on their protein intake, we’d be unable to heal properly when burned, or to recover from the types of incredibly hard labor that were common as iPhones in a Starbucks today.  Should you be concerned that a diet heavy in protein shakes like this one would cause your system some undue stress, fear not- science has our backs once again.  “During food restriction, protein anabolism is favored when the delivery of amino acids is evenly distributed throughout the day”(Mosoni) and greater frequency of feedings increases the amount of protein you absorb.(Cohn)  So, we know that your body will adapt to high protein levels, and that the more frequently you eat protein, the easier it’ll be to absorb.



But where are the benefits for a heavy lifter, you might ask?  For starters, an intake of greater than 1 gram per pound of bodyweight, in addition to being comically easy to consume, results in a positive nitrogen and negative fat balance.(Forslund)  Even larger amounts (>1.5grams/lb. of bodyweight) will stimulate significant muscle growth, and the unused protein will be oxidized and excreted, wholly without deleterious side effects, by healthy kidneys.(Fern)  This diet, being somewhat lower in fat and higher in protein than the typical ketogenic diet, will obviously result in some glucogenesis, which is for some reason strikes in a bunch of you terror not unlike that which small children used to reserve for the bogeyman and Michael Jackson.  Glucogenesis, or the process by which the body converts protein to energy to replace lost muscle glycogen, occurs irrespective of the type of diet one follows.  5-15% of the amino acids you consume are going to be used as fuel in weight training, and endurance sports utilize an even greater percentage to repair the extensive damage caused by whatever shenanigans in which they happen to be engaging.(Bernadot 31)  In short, more protein is good, and a shitload more protein is a even better.  Thus, according to both common sense and a meta-analysis, the following is true: Unless you’re suffering from renal failure, you can eat protein to your heart’s content, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar spouting hippie bullshit, and is possibly a communist.(Martin)



If you’re worried about kidney stones, you’re either a woman, a 70 year old man, or you’re retarded.  Kidney stones are caused by dehydration or disease, not your protein intake.(NKUDIC)  In other words, quit yet bitchin’ and drink more goddamned water, and if you’re a chick, take a leak after you someone smashes the granny out of you- untreated UTIs lead to kidney stones.



That, you sonsofbitches, is called dropping knowledge.



Q:  What about fiber?

A:  It’s not like you’re worried about getting enough fiber when you’re on the see-food diet eating white bread and fried chicken.  If that answer is unsatisfying to you, I can expound a bit.  Dietary fiber is hardly as necessary as some make it out to be.  From some accounts, you’d think that fiber is the very essence of life, and that we’d all die  with ten pounds of impacted feces in our colons just like John Wayne.  Well, he didn’t and neither are you.  Fiber becomes necessary when one’s diet consists of naught but protein.  From the accounts of the awesomely cannibalistic soccer-playing sonsofbitches involved in the plane crash in Chile in 1972, it was related that their diet of low-fat human flesh caused severe constipation followed by bouts of equally severe diarrhea.  Some guys actually went over 30 days without shitting, due to the fact that they were reticent to eat the fat from the bodies.(Travis-Henikoff 50)  They soon discovered that the introduction of fat into their diets immediately relieved their digestion problems, and resolved to include fat in all of their meals from then on.  Arctic explorers also discovered this around the same time they discovered that you can get hyper-vitaminosis from eating polar bear liver, and then began emulating the diet of the Inuit so as to include far more fat in their diets.  In other words, you needn’t be preoccupied with fiber.  Should you want it, take it.  It won’t negatively affect your ketosis.

Q:  Oh, diet check me: 4-6 protein shakes a day and 2 meat-only meals. One small meal, one larger. I eat boiled eggs, chicken, fish, nuts and jerky. I’m in Israel, so decent chow isn’t always available. Use what ya got.

A:  First off, that’s really not what I’m recommending at all- it’s paleo dieting supplemented with a lot of shakes.  There’s certainly nothing wrong with that, but I’m willing to bet that you’re not getting enough calories.  I’d add another food meal and just keep an eye on your carbs.  You can’t really utilize my diet scheme with that list of foods due to the fact that they’re not nutrient-dense enough.  It’d suck if you tried to break from cover and just collapsed because you’re half-starved (he’s a “contractor”), so I’d definitely focus on eating your face off when you do eat real food.  Additionally, it probably wouldn’t hurt to pick up a book like the Paleo Solution just to bone up on the finer points of the paleo diet.


Ok, so Bruce White’s a wheat farmer and thus hardly paleo, but this pic rules.

Q: Anyways, just wanted to shoot a quick email about the Predator diet for fat asses (as I am at 22% bf – shameful I know). Most of my training is 90%+ of 1RM for singles, doubles and trebles. My total is 935 (beginner’s total I know but up 100 pounds in a few months) and I want to hit at least 1100 by the end of 2012. Essentially, will the Predator diet allow me to increase my maximums or is it unrealistic to get to 1100 this year while dropping some bodyfat? I’m about 211 and would like to hit 195-200 with 15-18% bf in the next 6 months or so. Nothing drastic but it would be progress.

A:  The whole point of this diet is to drop fat while getting stronger.  As such, you should be in good stead.  Your workout sounds like it’s pretty metabolically intense, but you can up the ante by increasing the pace of your workouts.  In an effort to chase big weights, you might start dragging out your rest periods.  Don’t.  You’ll increase your work  capacity and metabolism much more quickly if you keep your rests to a minute or less.  Jump setting will help even more with fat loss.  Thus, pick two movements and do them together- for instance, do a low rep set of squats followed within 30 seconds by overhead press.  That will wind the shit out of you, so you might have to drop your weights a bit, but you’ll benefit in the long run.  Additionally, you’re weak enough that there’s really nowhere to go but up, so increase the pace and get the goddamned fat off.


On another note, I get a lot of emails with line similar to your bit about your bodyfat being shameful.  If you were unwilling to do shit about it other than bitch, you would be a sorry sonofabitch.  Given that you’re in the gym breaking your ass and following one of the stricter diets most people will ever try, keep your goddamned chin up.

Q:  I’ve recently decided to go keto and try your Predator diet. I do have one question:


Lift 5x a week. Cardio and or Combat Sambo classes the other 2.

Weigh in at 175lbs, at (estimated and I’m erring on the heavy side) 14-15% bodyfat.

6’1″, 35 years old.

BMI = 23.1

BMR= 1845.35

1845.35 x 1.725 = 3,182 k/cal

So, on the Predator diet, should I take 3,182 and -500 from that, for a total of 2,682 k/cal per day? I’m keeping my carbs at 30 and lower.



A:  As I’ve said in the past, I really don’t put any faith into those BMR calculators at all.  They’re bad science, in my opinion, because they’re based on averages and hope.  I don’t place much faith in unfounded faith and know for a certainty that there’s no such thing as an actual “average” person.  There are boring people, but even they aren’t biochemically or physiologically average.  Thus, I recommend that people initially base their diets on protein, then fine tune them with experimentation.  I’ve personally noticed that the same caloric intake from year to year does entirely different things to my body, due to factors ranging from my age to (much more importantly), my NEAT levels.  I’ve mentioned this in the past, but figure it bears mentioning again- the same diet may not work for you twice at the beginning and the end of a decade.



Another side note- BMI is a ridiculous tool for lifters.  It’s utterly meaningless for people like us, as well- burly sonsofbitches who like to pick things up and put them down, due to the fact that our physiques should put us in the obese section of that scale.  I know I’m off-the-charts obese for my height by that standard, which is preposterous.



BMI of 41.55.  Morbidly obese, according to the geniuses behind the BMI.

Moving along, you should be eating at least 350 grams of protein per day.  That means you should be eating roughly 2800 calories, just as a baseline (350×4 calories per gram x 2 because it’s 50% of your calories).  It’s far easier to place yourself in  caloric deficit by increasing your activity (as I mentioned above), so I’d do that rather than drop your calories.  I’ve found that I’m eating a hell of a lot more calories on this diet than I would otherwise, so be prepared to eat truly astonishing amounts of food while you lean out.

Q:  Half way through my workout I start smelling acetone/ ammonia. Why do I have shit like that pumping through my veins, and should I be worried?

A:  That’s the smell of ketosis.  “This is a fairly common report on very low-carbohydrate/ketogenic diet (defined, once again, as any diet containing less than 100 grams of carbohydrate per day), a report of a fairly strong ammonia smell in the sweat during exercise. As I discuss in detail in my first book The Ketogenic Diet this ammonia is produced due to the ultimate breakdown of ATP to ADP to AMP and ammonia.

This appears to occur more readily when muscle glycogen is depleted (as occurs with the combination of of a very low-carbohydrate intake along with training) and may be part of the increased protein requirements that have been known to occur with endurance training (this is discussed in detail in The Protein Book). I would mention that it appears that this ‘protein breakdown’ is not actually coming from the breakdown of skeletal muscle itself; rather it’s from the breakdown of BCAA (branched-chain amino acids) within the free amino acid pool.  So is this ok? So long as dietary protein intake is sufficient, I don’t see this as being any real problem. The effect is slight in terms of the absolute amount of protein being broken down (in terms of grams) and so long as protein intake is sufficient, there shouldn’t be any detrimental effect other than the smell.” (McDonald, Ammonia)

You know, Vicki mentioned she smelled like ammonia during Friday’s workout, and come Monday, BAM!- Full blown AIDS.  She should also get that eye looked at.

Q:  Obviously someone would be in the gym during this diet, does it matter how many days a week or which days as far as matching up with the caloric cycling?


A:  I don’t really match my training to the diet. I’ve found that sort of thing never quite works out. I recommend training at a bare minimum 4x a week, heavy as shit. I typically train no fewer than 5 times a week, and am usually in the gym 7-10 times a week. 20 mins in the morning, and 45-75 minutes in the evening three days a week, then one 1-2 hr workout and two 30 minute workouts per week.  I basically live in the gym or the bookstore, which is completely incomprehensible for most people and impossible for many more.  Bare minimum, I’d say spend, at the very least 4 hours lifting per week.  That’s not “in the gym” time- I mean four hours of actual lifting.  Bullshitting by the water fountain while you check out some broad’s ass is fun, but it’s not putting pounds on your total.

Q:  Any recommendations on “Predator for Broke College Students”? I work two shitty jobs that don’t pay nearly enough for all the meat, protein powder, and stimulants to pull this off as it should be done. I’m also tied to a meal plan on which I can only get food which gives me the shits and makes me want to curl up in bed and never move again, so I’m loath to make use of campus food for evening meals.

A:  You can definitely pull this off with cheap protein powder and ground chuck, which wouldn’t quite be in the spirit of the diet, but you can follow the macros pretty easily.  You could also add in something like turkey breakfast sausage for an earlier, lower calorie meal.  Figure two lbs of ground chuck at $3/lb for dinner and you’re looking at about $170 a month in meat, plus a couple of bags of Matrix 5.0, and you’re out the door for $300 a month.  You bar tab’s more than that a month, guaranteed.


Q:  Just to clarify – these are all for cutting, right?

A:  They’re to get you lean and keep you lean as you get stronger. I’ve been doing this for the better part of a year and keep setting new PRs, all while I’ve got veins sticking out on my abs.

This PR happened after about 7 months of experimenting with this diet.

Q:  Any thoughts on using homemade jerky as a substitute for the Protein shakes?


A:  That’s the most ridiculously expensive but delicious idea ever. It might be simpler to infuse your protein shakes with gold flakes.


Q:  Fortunately not for me, I usually have a decent supply of (free) venison to work with so it is just the investment of buying a food dehydrator and learning the correct process.

A:  Then you are a lucky sonofabitch.  You’ll get far more satiety out of jerky than shakes, so you should be in even better stead.  Just ensure you’re not eating jerky made with sugar.

You come from fine stock, Serpico.

Q:  I Rampage (or overeat, or overfeed, or stuff my face or whatever) on Friday nights (which is an off day for me).  Once, way back in the day, you recommended never to cheat on off days, but recently, I believe I read you saying that it doesn’t matter quite that much if you’re training hard and dieting honestly

—-Incidentally, on Saturday mornings after the Rampage, I feel awesome in the gym.  By Monday, when I’m back to no carbs, I have nothing in the tank on Monday night’s lift, and don’t feel normal in the gym until about Wednesday, when I’m a few days in.  Is this a normal response?


A:  Given that you look like Serpico and you’re named after one of the apostles, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re one meatball hoagie away from heading to Neptune’s for an evening of fist-pumping and English-raping.  As such, you’ve probably subsisted on a high carb diet for years.  Dan Duchaine and Lyle McDonald both recommended an interim phase for you greasy wop bastards, wherein you follow what amounts to a Zone Diet.  I personally have been low-carbing it for so long I never needed that kind of a transition, and I just sucked it up when i initially made the plunge.  Trying a 40% carbs, 30% protein, 30% fat diet for a month or two might ease the transition for you.  Like I said, however, I’ve not tried that, and I’m generally loathe to enthusiastically recommend shit I have never tried.  Thus, while I’m inclined to simply tell you to suck it up, you might want to try their recommendation.


Now, go forth and hang an epic intellectual beating on fools.



Bernadot, Dan.  Advanced Sports Nutrition,  Champaign: Human Kinteics, 2006.

Cohn C, Joseph D, Ben L, Oler A.  Feeding frequency and protein metabolism.  Am J Phys 1963 205: 71-78.

DeMouy, Jane.  Pima Indians: Pathfinders for Health.

Donahoo WT, Levine JA, Melanson EL.  Variability in energy expenditure and its components.  Curr Opin Clin Nut Metab Care 2004 7:599-605.

Fern IEB, Bielinski RN, Schutz Y.  Effects of exaggerated amino acid and protein supply in man.  Experientia 1991 47:168-172.

Forslund AH, El-Koury AE, Olsson RM.  Effect of protein intake and physical activity on 24-h pattern and rate of macronutrient utilizaiton.  Am J Phys 1999 276:E964-E976.

Knight EL, Stampfer MJ, Hankinson SE, Spiegelman D, Curhan GC. The Impact of Protein Intake on Renal Function Decline in Women with Normal Renal Function or Mild Renal Insufficiency.  Ann Intern Med March 18, 2003 138:460-467.

Lanningham-Foster L, Nysse LJ, Levine JA. Labor saved, calories lost: the energetic impact of domestic labor-saving devices.Obes Res 2003; 11: 1178–81.

Levine JA, Ebhardt NL, Jensen MD.  Role of non-exercise activity thermogenesis in resistance of fat gain in humans.  Science 1999 283: 212-214.

Levine JA.  Non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT).  Best Pract Res Clin Endocrinol Metab. 2002 Dec;16(4):679-702.

Martin WF, Armstrong LE, Rodriguez NR.  Dietary protein intake and renal function.  Nutr Metab (Lond). 2005 Sep 20;2:25.

McDonald, Lyle.  Role of Nonexercise Activity Thermogenesis in Resistance to Fat Gain in Humans – Research Review.

McDonald, Lyle.  Ammonia Smell During Exercise on Ketogenic Diet – Q&A.

McDonald, Lyle.  Ultimate Diet 2.0.

Mosoni L, Patpureau P.  Type and timing of protein feeding to optimize anabolism.  Curr Opin Clin Nut Metab 2003 6:3 301-306.

NKUDIC.  Kidney Stones in Adults.  National Kidney & Urologic Diseases Information Clearinghouse.

Noakes M, Keogh JB, Foster JR, Clifton PM.  Effect of an energy-restricted, high-protein, low-fat diet relative to a conventional high-carbohydrate, low-fat diet on weight loss, body composition, nutritional status, and markers of cardiovascular health in obese women.  Am J Clin Nutr 2005 81: 6 1298-1306.

Skov AR, Toubro S, Bülow J, Krabbe K, Parving HH, Astrup A.  Changes in renal function during weight loss induced by high vs low-protein low-fat diets in overweight subjects.  International Journal of Obesity and Related Metabolic Disorders : J Int Obesity 1999, 23(11):1170-7.

Taubes, Gary.  Good Calories, Bad Calories.

Travis-Henikoff, Carole.  Dinner With A Cannibal.  Santa Monica:  Santo Monica Press, 2008.

Weigel DS, Brunzell JD.  Assessment of energy expenditure in ambulatory reduced obese subjects by the techniques of weight stabilization and exogenous weight replacement.  Int J Obes 1990 14, Suppl 1:59-81.

Wilson, Jacob.  Non exercise activity thermogenesis.

Zatsiorsky, Vladimir.  Intensity of Strength Training Facts and Theory:  Russian and Eastern Approach.  Biomechanics Lab at the Penn State University , University Parks, PA and Central Institute of Physical Culture- Moscow, Russia.

Throwback Thursday: Apex Predator Diet #5- APD If You’re Lean As Shit

Posted on: September 3rd, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

If you’re following the Apex Predator Diet, it’s highly likely that you didn’t start out ridiculously lean.  As such, it’ll have take you some time to get to this point- this diet’s not a quick-fix or crash diet, but rather a way to lean out while getting bigger and stronger all at the same time.  By the time you hit 8% bodyfat, your metabolism should be wearing a pvc outfit and holding a cat o’ nine tails tipped with metal rings, because it’s dominant as hell and has made your bodyfat into its snivelling sissy bitch. You should now be at or under 8% bodyfat, so your abs are standing out in stark relief, your body looks like a Rand McNalley map due to your incredible vascularity, and you should be feeling like you can eat lightning and shit thunder at this point.  You are, officially, awesome, provided you’re not bereft of muscle mass.


I’m not satisfied until every vein is forced up against my skin. Look how vascular I am Brian. If there’s one thing women love it’s a vascular man. I’ve got veins, they carry blood all over my bahday. That’s how John Mayer would say it. Bahday.

Assuming you had to work to get here, you’ll know exactly how your body responds to both diet and exercise, which affords you a tremendous amount of leeway with your diet.  Before you head for the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet, however, bear this in mind- you’ll never be so awesome that you can out-train a shitty diet.  As such, sticking to the Apex Predator Diet is a good idea, though you can have the occasional dalliance.  As always, I encourage you to explore your inner Nikola Tesla and get as mad scientist as you can with both diet and training, but just remember that until you stay lean for a considerable period of time, your body is going to attempt to return to whatever your previous fat setpoint is.  Thus, if you spent the last 10 years eating butter sandwiches and appeared to be one box of Milk Duds away from purchasing a rascal to get you hither and thither, take the following with a grain of salt.  Additionally, if you like Milk Duds, you have no working taste buds, so dieting shouldn’t be all that difficult for you anyway.


Got the coke and the smile covered.

Candied gastronomic atrocities aside, the Apex Predator Diet will become for most of you a delicate balancing act, wherein you’re going to try to maximize your caloric intake while remaining super lean.  Though it’s not as simple as most would like, nothing fucking is, so have a coke and smile and shut the fuck up about it.  You’ll find that you’ll naturally cycle your calories, as your ghrelin and leptin production will be optimized at this point, and your body is going to loudly let you know what it needs when it needs it.  Your stomach will growl its fucking ass off all day if you try a PSMF, and you will be miserable in the gym, so you’ll likely drop those days. They’ll be replaced by the regular Apex Predator days from earlier phases of the diet, wherein you drink shakes until your final evening meal.  When your metabolism resembles nothing more than Slayer’s War Zone in speed, ferocity and overall sentment, it’s tough to live on protein shakes and nothing more.  As such, your weekly diet will start to look much more like this:



Monday – Thursday, Saturday and Sunday

  • 5-6 protein shakes evenly spaced throughout the day consisting of 40-60 grams of protein and less than 10 grams of carbs.
  • 1 medium sized meal midday (I shoot for 600-800 calories in the form of wings, generally, although I’ll substitute other meats as well.
  • 1 large evening meal of 2000-4000 calories in the form of (preferably bone-in) meat.  Let your hunger levels dictate the size.



Rampage Day- Go here for details.



Alternate Saturday

At times, you’re going to find both your enthusiasm and your energy waning for continued ketogenesis.  On those weeks, push hard to make it to Fridaywith the knowledge taht you’re going to carry your carbup over onto Saturday.  As to when you’ll want to do this, it’s entirely up to you- I would use a combination of the mirror and your general level of enthusiasm for the gym as a guage.  If you find yourself incredibly burned out, a second carbup might be the boost you need.  Make Saturday more of a medium carb, low to moderate fat, high protein day than a Rampage.  It’s important to remember that these carbohydrate refeeds are not supercompensations.  Supercompensations should only be used sparingly, as frequent use reduces their efficacy (Zatsiorsky 13).  Additionally, I would not make a habit of utilizing the moderate carb Saturdays on a frequent basis, as there’s only a small amount of glycogen resynthesis that occurs in the second 24 hours of carb loading, and there’s the potential to regain some of the fat you lost during the week. As such, you should keep carbohydrate levels at or below 2 grams per pound of bodyweight on Saturdays (McDonald 132-3).


It’s Time To Take A Vacation

Another massive and awesome benefit of breaking your ass to get this lean is the fact that short dietary vacations don’t do much harm, and in some cases will break you out of a plateau.  According to Torbjorn Akerfeldt, our “genes have not evolved much during the last 100,000 years; thus, they are still developed for our hunter/gatherer and, more recently, pastoral ancestors, who, whenever they succeeded in killing an animal, lived on meat for a week or two. At other times, when they had bad luck hunting and a crop failed, they lived on a low-calorie diet. This selective pressure gave man adipose tissue with almost unlimited storage capacity and a very adaptive metabolism to cope with periods of different diets” (Phillips).  Basically, once you’e lean, if you diet hard and undereat a bit, you’ll get a consistent carryover of the rebound you get from your Rampage Day into multiple days.  I will generally not take this past 5 days or so, but one study showed that a three week period of overeating resulted in mass gain that was nearly evenly split between fat and muscle, and an increase in nitrogen retention that persisted even after the diet returned to normal (Forbes, Oddoye).  Thus, protein retention after the overfeeding was increased, and the body was more anabolic.

Personally, I don’t plan these.  They just sort of happen, and are generally the result of a long-weekend vacation or something similar.  You could try planning them if you wanted, and if you chose to do so, I would suggest they be limited to 4 or 5 days and occur on non-consecutive months.  Additionally, I’d suggest you undereat a bit in the week prior to the overfeed to accelerate fatloss.  Provided you jump right back into the Apex Predator diet, keep your training up, don’t abuse the vacation and aren’t completely ridiculous about it, you can get away with quite a few dietary shenanigans.

Up next, the Apex Predator Diet for Whiny Bitches and the innumerable rugby players who email me about this diet.




Forbes GB, Brown MR, Welle SL, and Underwood LE.  Hormonal response to overfeeding.  Am J Clin Nutr 1989 49: 4 608-611.

McDonald, Lyle.  Ketogenic Diet.

Oddoye EA, Margen S.  Nitrogen Balance Studies in Humans: Long-Term Effect of High Nitrogen Intake on Nitrogen Accretion.  J. Nutr. 1979 109: 3 363-377.

Phillips, Bill.  “Torbjorn Akerfeldt interviewed by Bill Phillips – Part I”

Zatsiorsky, Vladimir.  Science and Practice of Strength Training.


Posted on: August 31st, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

This interview was conducted by guest contributor Max James, a Hooligan and door kicker for Chino Tactical.




Music and fitness go hand in hand. A massive amount of people in any given gym are listening to something, even ignoring the top forty playlist most gyms are running through their speakers. Music grants the listener extra motivation which can be crucial to pushing the limits of a workout—for many, music is an anchor which keeps them focused and honed on achieving their best in the gym. The commitment required to produce music is not itself unlike the commitment required to consistently work out, both require intense focus, constant practice, and the initiative to strive for perfection. Enter BlackWest.


Born Ernest Rogers III, BlackWest was delivered into the American dream of two parents and a big house in the suburban town of Altadena. Just about 15 miles from the bright lights of Hollywood, the gang violence of Los Angeles would soon infest the city. At the age of 5, BlackWest and his mother ran away from his drug addicted father and moved to the infamous “Jungles” of South Central L.A. It was there that Black began to learn percussion and pro-audio from his uncle Roy, a studio engineer for Lionel Richie, Ray Charles and others.
While attending Audubon Middle School, Black would often ditch classes to steal instrumentals from the Crenshaw Mall and write music on Crenshaw Boulevard bus stops. Following in the footsteps of so many West Coast artists, Black began to fuse his abstract musical talents and avid street knowledge to create a sound of his own. After being suspended and eventually expelled from L.A. schools, Black’s mother enrolled him in Pasadena High School. P.H.S. was home to the city’s largest gang, the PDL Bloods. Avoiding the gang life, it was at P.H.S. that Black grew into an area Hip Hop celebrity. Winning talent shows, freestyle battles and entertaining at weekend house parties was Black’s way out of the street life.
After high school, a casual visit to Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles led to Black being introduced to the man who would guide him to the next level, rapper DMX. It was DMX who helped Black develop as a self-reliant artist under the umbrella of Def Jam West releasing some of the hottest mixtapes in SoCal. Not much later, Black’s career was almost cut short with a double dose of bad news—his father had died of cancer and his soon to be label, Def Jam West, was dropped. This negative period served as a turning point, and Black began to push his music harder than ever. Black wrote and produced the theme music for the “DeezNutz Comedy Jam” hosted by actor/comedian Mike-P, performing at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas every Friday. Last summer Black unleashed a freestyle feature in the 10th BowWow/Wiz Khalifa webisode topping 500,000 views on YouTube.
Black is currently writing for Canadian rap artist DollahD and “America’s Hottest Celebrity Kid DJ” KissTheDJ. The summer of 2015 will pave the way for BlackWest with the digital release of a new album “BLKWEST” and the launch of We’ve had the privilege of interviewing BlackWest about his music, his lifestyle, and his work in the gym.


































BlackWest gives 100% in everything he does, in the studio or the gym. His heavy personal struggles and uncompromising commitment to his art make him a natural fit for the Chaos and Pain community. Put on those headphones, get to lifting, and stay tuned, as this young man seems to have a gleaming future ahead of him.
Here’s a link to check a cool video featuring BlackWest, enjoy and feel free to leave feedback.
XL Middleton & Young Sau “Mathematics” Official Music Video feat. Black&Mild

Throwback Thursday: Apex Predator Diet, Part 4- Every Apex Predator Goes On An Occasional Rampage, So Long As Chris Hansen Doesn’t Catch Them First

Posted on: August 27th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

A hulking figure appeared in the doorway, cloaked in an aura so intense that he barely seemed capable of doing aught but great violence to anything within his reach.  As he stepped heavily into the room, the onlookers noticed that every sinew, every muscle, and every vein stood in stark relief beneath his paper thin skin, which threatened to burst like the skin on a sausage left too long on the grill.  His t-shirt, loose at the waist, grew tighter as the eye moved upward until it appeared to be strangling him, so tightly was it stretched over his bull-like neck and shoulders.  Shouldering aside ill-clad, scrawny hipsters, the brute made his way to the front of the establishment and spoke.


Bring me a pizza adorned with every conceivable type of meat, as many breadsticks as you can fit into a garbage bag, and a half gallon of whiskey, or I swear by all of the gods that I shall reduce this building to rubble, lay waste to the surrounding areas, carry off your women, and drink all of your liquor.  You have fifteen minutes to comply.


Goddamned right.

It was, clearly, Rampage Day.

Though you might be thinking that skipping your Rampage day might be a good way to accelerate fat loss, this is not so.  In the initial phase of this diet, you might stretch your keto runs to acclimatize yourself to the diet and undo the massive damage you’ve wrecked upon your internal system.  Additionally, you’re primarily concerned with being less disgusting to look at and touch, which is understandable. As such, you might be inclined to continue to stretch the no-carb phase of this diet to ten to fourteen days, which can have some very positive metabolic effects.   Once you’ve re-entered the realm of human physiques, however, you should rethink that policy, as this diet’s not about not being fat- it’s about being awesome.  If you’re going to be awesome, you’re going to need to lift continually heavier weights and get more muscular, and the Rampage is a critical component in that, especially given the fact that some studies have shown that long-term ketogenic diets inhibit muscle growth when the dieter is in a hypocaloric state, which you’ll likely be in for at least part of the week if you’re doing one or more days of Protein Sparing Modified Fasts.(McDaniel) If you’re doing PSMFs and breaking your ass in the gym, it’s highly likely that until you engage in a gastronomic catastrophe like the Rampage, you’re going to be in a hypocaloric state over the balance of the week.  That shit simply cannot be allowed to stand, as your workouts will suffer and you could lose some of the muscle you’ve broken your ass inside out to get.


Thus, you should regard a refeed day as sacrosanct.  The Rampage Day is essential for getting insanely strong and lean, as a day in which you deliberately overeat carbohydrates  is utterly necessary for muscular hypertrophy, strength gains, and overall recomposition.  Essentially, the Rampage Day confers more benefits than a cattle prod at a school for the mentally retarded- it stimulates your metabolism (Matsumoto), replenishes your glycogen stores for heavy training (Bowden), increases your thyroid, adrenal, and sex hormones (Poehlman), provides sundry mental health benefits through a  forced break from clean eating (Westrate), and helps normalize most, if not all, of the hormones [involved in] metabolic slowdown: leptin, ghrelin, insulin, etc”(McDonald RFD 46).


You will, however, have to do the refeed correctly in order to reap its benefits like a Muslim collecting hymens in Jannah.  Unless you’re where you want to be in terms of bodyfat, however, this isn’t going to be a goddamn free-for-all day, as you’re hardly out of the water yet.  Instead, the Rampage is a combination of a structured refeed (like you’d do for a glycogen supercompensation) and a cheat meal.




If you’re still worried that you’ll grow your disgusting fatbody back in your first Rampage, fear not- there are at least two studies that suggest that the body continues to use bodyfat for fuel during the first 24 hours of carbohydrate loading, so provided you stick to the plan, you’ll be well on your way to getting the striated  buttocks of which you’ve always dreamed.(McDonald KD 135)  At least one study has shown that short breaks from high fat diets will not have an adverse effect on lipolytic activity, and lipolytic activity in people who take high carb breaks from high fat diets are actually higher than those who are on a high carbohydrate diet, meaning you’ll burn more fat if you cheat a bit once a week.(Saitoh)  Additionally, fellow low-carbohydrate dieting advocate, Dave Palumbo, stated that if “you use a keto-diet, you’ll need to have a cheat meal (to spike insulin) at least once per week to keep the thyroid functioning normally.”  For anyone who’s ever met a grossly obese person, they invariably claim that their thyroid’s at fault, rather than the fact that they gave up vertical locomotion for a scooter and some Ho-Ho’s ten years ago, and haven’t even bothered to mourn the fact that they’ve not seen their genitalia in in 15 years due to their obsession with television game shows and Cheetos.  Best to keep your distance from those sonsofbitchs and keep that thyroid humming like a chick from the Berkeley School of music giving a blowjob.

Get Rampagin’!

On your Rampage Day, you’re going to plan on consuming 3.5-4.5 grams per pound of gross bodyweight.  Thus, a 154 lb. person should consume 600 grams of total carbohydrates on Rampage Day, whereas a 200 lb person would consume around 800.  The timing of the carbohydrates is not as important as the amount, though I prefer to keep myself in a caloric deficit until the cheat window to milk every bit of stimulus I can out of the massive influx of food.  Additionally, predators in the wild invariably have a “marked circadian rhythm” and their hunting motivation is “influenced by the activity of endogenous clocks”(McFarland 463)  Though you might be skeptical of the application of this fact to you, humans are universally considered to be apex predators, so it is in our nature to eat in a particular rhythm.  This might be why I find this diet so incredibly easy to follow- it has a nice flow.  Additionally, my body seems primed for the influx of calories in the evening, which leads me to believe that you’ll utilize the majority of the calories you ingest if your Rampage is synchronous with your largest meal during the week.  Is there science to support that?  Hell no, but it makes sense, so I’m sticking with it.


You don’t need to walk around with a notepad and calculator all goddamned day long, either- the key to the refeed is how many carbs and which kinds, rather than the pace at which you eat them..  For the first couple of Rampages, you might want to plan them a bit so you’re shooting for the right carbohydrate levels.  This will give you a benchmark and allow you the opportunity to fine tune your intake as you go.  Others of you might want to go my route and keep your carbs under 200 grams for the duration of the day, so that no matter how goddamned nuts you go come cheat time you cannot overshoot your mark.  I found this particularly helpful in the early stages, but as I got leaner it went from unnecessary to possibly counterproductive.

Anyone else amused that the less-skinny guy is “clearly juiced up”?

Multiple sources I’ve read virtually scream that you should avoid fructose during glycogen recomposition, as it simply replenishes liver stores and can actually be stored as bodyfat.  Thought vegans will scream bloody murder this isn’t true, science does not appear to have their back.  Instead, science appears to have gained full mount and is currently beating vegans like they’re talking shit on a California playground.  “Fructose is more lipogenic than glucose or starches, and usually causes greater elevations in triglycerides and sometimes in cholesterol than other carbohydrates. Dietary fructose has resulted in increases in blood pressure, uric acid, and lactic acid.”  To add insult to injury, “added fructose seems to provide little advantage over other caloric sweetners and compares unfavorably to complex carbohydrates in susceptible segments of the population” (Hallfrisch).  Thus, I’d avoid fruit for the most part.  Additionally, overdoing the sucrose can lead to some being stored as bodyfat.  If you’re eating either, try to restrict them to 50 grams and 100 grams, respectively, to avoid reducing the efficacy of the refeed (McDonald RFL 46-7).  That’s not to say that you should underdo it, however.  The Minnesota Experiment showed that the utilization of the minimum necessary calories in a refeed will lead to decreased enthusiasm for the diet and training, no matter the macronutrient composition.(Russell 129)  Thus, you’ll Rampage as intelligently and aggressively as you should do everything, like you’re a modern day Neanderthal with an 8 inch boner facing down a woolly mammoth that’s trying to rape your girlfriend.



The Rampage Itself

In the past, I covered cheat windows fairly in-depth and mentioned that there are a couple of ways to skin this proverbial cat.  The Rampage will utilize none of those, and will instead rely on a single 3 hour cheat window on the heels of the aforementioned carbohydrate refeed.  During the cheat window, I encourage you to eat like you’re a midwestern housewife at an all-you-can-eat buffet and gorge yourself.  I usually pick foods on which I can graze, as I’ve shrunken my stomach and haven’t got any interest in putting myself in physical pain during my weekly three hour holiday. There’s no metabolic reasoning for grazing, however- it’s just what I like to do.  For those of you who are about to throw Lyle McDonald in my face, relax, I’ve read the same shit.  His contention is that during these structured refeeds, you should definitely not “use the concept as an excuse to eat yourself sick or eat three times what you’d normally eat” (McDonald, 34).  I’ll tell you this from experience- the farther you get in a given diet, the less you can consume in three hours- it’s a matter of pure biology.  Thus, at the beginning of your diet, you’ll be able to eat more during your cheats, which will likely slow your progress.  Should you notice this, you can moderate future Rampages to forestall that slowdown, though as you get leaner, you’ll notice you can get away with a lot more in the way of craziness and lapses.  Additionally, once start seeing definition you’d never seen before, or veins you never thought you’d ever see, you’re going to naturally restrict yourself on your cheats to prevent any backsliding, at least until you’ve stayed lean for a considerable period of time and find yourself nearly insane with hunger by Friday night.

The night is a very dark time for me.


I usually choose to Rampage at night.  From a insulin standpoint this is probably not ideal, but from a lifestyle standpoint, I don’t care.  There’s not enough of a difference in hormone levels between morning and night to justify worrying about my insulin levels, and I find that it’s awesome to go to bed full to bursting and have the night to digest and bomb out my place in peace, rather than force myself to eat a meal when it’s inconvenient.

Some nutritionists believe that pre-workout is the best time for a scheduled cheat window.  Anytime I’ve tried to schedule a cheat meal early in a day and train later, however, I find that my lift’s a disaster, and I spend the majority of the time acting like I’ve got some horrible stomach flu.  The kind of flu wherein you know you’re going to paint the bathroom one color or another because everything wants out all at once.  I chose wrong once, and my mom had to clean the bathroom after, as I passed out with my head hanging over the toilet, pants around my ankles, shit covering every square inch of the bathroom.  This has made Mother’s Day expensive since I was 6.  I don’t wish to repeat that event, so I don’t cheat pre-workout.


Two supplements that will increase the effectiveness of your cheat meal are:

ECA stack– It increases your thermogenesis anyway, but “ephedrine alone can increase the thermic effect of a meal by 30%”(Berardi).  As such, make sure you whack that back prior to the initiation of your feeding frenzy to ensure that you’re getting the optimal metabolic response to your overfeeding.  You can really substitute any strong fatburner here (*cough* Cannibal Inferno *cough*)- the key is to increase thermogenesis.


Digestive enzymes– Before, during, and after.  Trust me, they’ll help.  If you’ve been eating clean, your body’s going to have something to say about what you’re eating, and it’s going to let everyone in the room know what it thinks about it.  This should prevent any non-alcohol-related pants-shitting, and keep you from smelling like you’ve shit them.  Lastly, it’ll increase the absorption of the nutrients you’d so rudely and crudely stuffed down your ravenous gullet, increasing the positive effects of that meal and hopefully negating any of the negative ones.

One last word on this, for you fatties- don’t include these feeding frenzies if you’re not already lean.  If you’re a fatass, you don’t deserve them from a mental standpoint and cannot really utilize them from a metabolic one.  As such, you’d be wise to steer clear until you can see some abs.  For guys, this means under 15%, tops.  For girls, that means… whatever the female equivalent of 15% is.  We’ll call it 25-27%.  If you can see abs, have at it- otherwise, wait until you can.  Additionally, if you find that cheat meals are either not helping, or they’re actually hurting, monkey with the timing, duration, and what you’re actually eating.  Should you find yourself in the aforementioned fatass category, limit yourself a bit in your Rampage- you’ve been on a years-long Rampage and it’s high time you exercised some self control.  Make sure you get your carbs, but keep the fats below 25% of your total calories while doing so.  Kill a couple of bags of Baked Lays and hit up Fuddruckers for a couple of Buffalo Burgers, maybe.  Remember- eye on the goddamned prize.


The rest of you… get ready.  Tomorrow we Rampage.

Arnold, Patrick.  A Steroid for Flu Prevention.  Muscular Development, 2/10/10, p. 276.

Berardi, John.  “Q & A with John Berardi.”  Iron Magazine.

Bowden VL and McMurray RG. Effects of training status on the metabolic responses to high carbohydrate and high fat meals. Int J Sport Nutr Exerc Metab. 2000 Mar;10(1):16-27.

Faigin, Rob.  Natural Hormonal Enhancement.  Cedar Mountain: Extique, 2000.

Hallfrisch J.  Metabolic effects of dietary fructose. FASEB. 1990; 4:2652-2660.

Matsumoto T, et al. Comparison of thermogenic sympathetic response to food intake between obese and non-obese young women. Obes Res 2001 Feb;9(2):78-85

McDaniel SS, Rensing NR, et al.  Epilepsis 2011;52:3(30), e7-11.

McDonald, Lyle.  A Guide to Flexible Dieting.  Taylorsville: McDonald, 2005.

McDonald, Lyle.  Ketogenic Dieting.

McDonald, Lyle.  Rapid Fat Loss.

Palumbo, David.  “Q&A with Dave Palumbo.”

Poehlman ET, et al. Genotype dependency of the thermic effect of a meal and associated hormonal changes following short-term overfeeding. Metabolism 1986 Jan;35(1):30-6.

Saitoh S, Matsuo T, Tagami K, Chang K, Tokuyama K, and Masashige Suzuki.  Effects of short-term dietary change from high fat to high carbohydrate diets on the storage and utilization of glycogen and triacylglycerol in untrained rats.  EUR J APP PHYS OCC PHYS; 74 (1-2):13-22

Sarkola T, Ericksson TJP.  Testosterone increases in men after a low dose of alcohol.  AL Clin Exper Res; 27 (4): 682-5.

Westrate JA, Hautvast JG.  The effects of short-term carbohydrate overfeeding and prior exercise on resting metabolic rate and diet-induced thermogenesis.  Metabolism. 1990. Dec;39(12):1232-9.

Willey, Warren.  Better Than Steroids.  Trafford: Pocatello, 2007.

Throwback Thursday: Apex Predator Diet #3, Dieting for Not So Fat Asses

Posted on: August 20th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

We’re taking it back to the old school once again with another installment of the Apex Predator Diet.  Enjoy!

The Not Too Fat, But Not Too Lean Approach  

This is what I used when I was between 12% and 8% bodyfat.  I could see two abs clearly and two a bit hazily at the beginning of this diet, and I followed this fairly strictly for about two months.  Once I started getting into single digits, I noticed myself getting hungrier and hungrier, and had to start eating more to maintain my bodyweight.  Additionally, once you get into the single digits (or middle double digits for chicks) you’ll find that your metabolism resembles the Israeli Killdozer- it crushes damn near anything in its path provided you have someone competent behind the wheel.  As such, this approach is going to alter slightly as you get leaner (should you wish to alter it).  I realize that some of you react like Luddites at a robotics convention when faced with changing a workout or diet if it’s still yielding results, and if you fall into that category stick with the more draconian approach until you hit the next stage of the diet.  For those of you who have less resolve for sticking with something than a meth addicted four year old white trash kid in the toy department at Wal-Mart, I recommend setting a hard start and stop point on the evolution of this phase of the diet to ensure that you make the progress you should.

This stage is not too much different than the previous one, except that I recommend only one day of Protein Sparing Modified Fasts and your Rampage day kicks in harder than a teenage erection at a Hustler party.  After you’ve made it to single digits, you may choose to drop the day of protein sparing modified fasts to ensure you don’t leave weight on the platform on training days and that you continue to make forward progress with your physique.  At some point, you’ll get lean enough that you’ll notice a very pronounced loss of aggression in the gym due to those days.  Additionally, once you hit single digits, I recommend adding a smaller second food meal midday.  This will help you stabilize your weight as you bring the diet home.

The Basics of the NTFBNTS Phase

Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday:

  • 5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight, which I’d leave on the toilet and chug while peeing) comprised of 40-60 grams of protein.
  • On two of these four days I typically substitute one shake at lunch with wings or other no-carb meat.  Once you hit single digit bodyfat, you can make this a four day affair.
  • On one of these days, try to fit in a protein sparing modified fast (i.e. consume nothing but protein shakes) until you hit single digits.  I recommend placing this day on Saturday, in between your Rampage and high-calorie keto days, so as to keep your metabolism stimulated and reap the benefits of alternate-day fasting.
  • 1500-3000 calories of fatty meat, preferably on the bone, in the evening.


  • 5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight).
  • Less calorically dense meat for dinner (t-bone, ribeye, or NY Strip steak, leaving the fattiest bits behind.  This is to ensure that you’re still cycling your calories, even if you’re skipping the protein sparing modified fast day.

Friday (Rampage Day):

  • Today is going to be characterized by medium- to low- (but not no-) carb meals throughout the day.  Restrict your meals to 50 grams of carbohydrates or less per meal, and keep your fat low to ensure carbohydrate reuptake.  This is the polar opposite of your typical day, so just bear in mind that your carbohydrates and fat should be inversely proportional at all but the Rampage meal.
  • Rampage!  This is going to be a three hour cheat window that I’ll detail in the next installment.


  • Higher calorie keto day.  Ensure that you eat two solid food meals on this day, preferably of fattier meat on the bone- think wings, ribs, chops, etc.
  • 5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight).

During this phase, you should be making progress like a fratboy with a sorostitute in his dorm room- you’re nearly there.  Unlike said fratboy, however, you’ll likely find rohipnol unnecessary, though you might benefit from the following:

  • Avoid doing cardio.  Though utilizing a CKD (Cyclical Ketogenic Diet) as opposed to a TKD should forestall muscle catabolism brought on by high volumes of work in the gym, aerobic exercise taxes your anaerobic substrates too heavily.(Duchaine 132)  Since this could lead to muscle loss, I’d avoid it.  For the forty three thousand rugby athletes who’ve emailed me about this diet (sweet Christ a lot of you like wearing striped shirts), you’ll want to follow the Whiny Bitch permutation of this diet, which is forthcoming.
  • Supplement with Chromium Polynicotinate or Vanadyl Sulfate.  Both minerals work to regulate your blood sugar and insulin levels, and might aid in training and recomposition as a result.(Duchaine 131)
  • Don’t skip or skimp on your Rampage day.  I cannot imagine a person actually doing so, but based on the emails I get, a lot of you do some tremendously stupid shit.  Don’t be one of those guys- Rampage like your name is King Kong once a week.  If you’re curious as to why, there’s a good reason- you cannot sustain high intensity training indefinitely in the total absence of dietary carbohydrates and expect to make continued progress.  You do have some glycogen resynthesis that naturally occurs as a result of weight training, though it’s relatively small.(McDonald KD 122)  As such, you need to hit the Rampage once a week to ensure you replenish glycogen stores.  Skipping or postponing your Rampage in this stage will, at best, make you miserable, and at worst, reduce or eliminate your gains.  Since this diet is all about being awesome, reducing your potential for awesome is counter-intuitive.
  • Consume stimulants.  They’ll fuel your workouts and they help establish and deepen your levels of ketosis.(McDonald KD 116)
    Additionally, amphetamines have been shown in recent studies to increase the effect of dopamine on your brain, which increases motivation for both physical and mental activities.(Ito) Happily for us, ephedrine, DMAA, and AMP Citrate act just like amphetamines, so feel free to make use of the wonderful bounties that lie on the shelves of your local supplement store (like Cannibal Ferox AMPed) for all of their faux-amphetaminy goodness.  You’ll be focused like a pedophile on a preschool playground when you hit the gym, find dieting easier, and generally be more awesome.  For those of you with heart problems, moral issues, religious issues, or simply think you’re better than the rest of us, feel free to abstain.  Stimulants, while not necessary on this diet, definitely help.
  • Drink if you want.  Though by no means necessary, and done to excess will screw up your gains, drinking can actually help you deepen your levels of ketosis (McDonald 115).  Alcohol itself gets converted to ketones in the absence of dietary carbohydrates, which means that it won’t fuck up your diet beyond replacing the ketones your body would produce from the conversion of stored bodyfat.  Thus, it can slow fat loss if done to excess, but will not destroy your ketogenesis.  This is, of course, assuming you stick to non-carbohydrate laden alcohol like vodka, gin, tequila, Everclear, etc.  Additionally, Robb Wolff recommends you drink as early as possible to allow the alcohol to clear your system before bedtime to avoid completely shutting down GH release overnight.  One of the best things you can consume, alcohol wise, on this diet is the disgusting old-timey gin and tonic, garnished with lime.  The lime juice blunts insulin release while the tonic water acts as a “non-polar solvent” that delivers the alcohol into your system faster (Wolff 138).  Wolff actually recommends the Crossfitters’ drink of choice, the NorCal Margarita, but it occurred to me as I wrote this that the drink of choice in the period of British Colonialism will do the job just as well, while additionally conferring resistance to malaria.  Thus, feel free to show up to your local gin bar rocking a monocle and a comically undersized safari outfit to cover all of your bases.  At the very least, you’ll annoy the holy fuck out of the hipsters drinking that vile bullshit, which makes it a victory no matter what.
Up next- a detailed description of your Rampage.
Sources:Duchaine, Dan.  Underground Bodyopus.

Ito R, Hayen A.  Opposing Roles of Nucleus Accumbens Core and Shell Dopamine in the Modulation of Limbic Information Processing.J Neuroscience. 2011 31(16):6001-6007McDonald, Lyle. Rapid Fat Loss.

McDonald, Lyle.  Ketogenic Diet.

Paleotards Are Doing It Wrong, Part Trois

Posted on: August 18th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
As I stated in the previous entry, there is some confusion as to what “type” of paleo one should choose.  That’s unsurprising, given that scientists seem to be even more divided on the topic than are the authors who tout the various types.  Thus, I feel fairly confident chiming in on the topic in spite of the fact that I don’t consider myself necessarily an advocate of a paleolithic diet, though it’s due in large part to the fact that paleotards are as intolerable as evangelical Christians and twice as misinformed.  The fact that they’re misinformed is not entirely their fault, however, due to the disparity in information coming from paleo authors, archaeologists, and scientists, however, and I would posit that the disagreements in the field arise out of two fundamental issues:

1) Geographical diversity.  Even in Europe, for instance, there’s avast difference in the native flora and fauna of, say, England, Spain, and Germany.  Each area, however, contained both Neanderthals and Cro-Magnon man, and both of those hominids shared similar diets.  Their diets would, however, have to have differed necessarily based on the food available to them at the time.  Thus, depending on the specimen studied, differing opinions about what is “paleo” might arise.  Some of them might have eaten more carbohydrate than others, and in Europe the “high carbohydrate specimens might have eaten grasses, berries, and turnips… but you know what none of them ate?  GODDAMNED SWEET POTATOES OR YAMS.  They’re indigenous to South America, and you know what a wild yam looks like?  Take a gander.

I have never seen the likes of that in a supermarket.
Given that everyone who I have ever met who claimed to eat paleo was white, the last goddamned thing on Earth they should be eating, save for a banana, is a yam or a sweet potato.  It’s far more likely that Cro-Magnon man and paleolithic European humans supplemented their diets with grasses, a couple of root vegetables like turnips and parsnips, and berries, which were at that time tiny, bitter, and about as impossible to duplicate in the modern world as the Valley Temple of Khafre.  Paleolithic man has existed in every corner of the world, so it would make much more sense to eat the “foods of your people” and wild vegetation as much as possible if you’d like to eat paleo.  Modern berries contain far too much sugar, bananas are basically just badly flavored sticks of sugar, and oranges were hard, inedible fruits in the paleolithic (Texas).  I encourage everyone out there to research their ancestral diets, as there seems to be something to eating the way your people did for millennia. One non-profit, Oldways, has won awards for the work they’ve done to this end- they assert that if you eat foods in line with your genetic heritage, you’ll be healthier, stronger, and less prone to chronic or degenerative disease.  If you check out their site, you’ll note Northern Europeans and Russians are conspicuously absent from the list, but they detail Mediterranean, Latin American, African, Asian, and Vegetarian Diets and Pyramids.
In spite of my nitpicking, I think the concept is definitely cool.
Frankly, lumping Asia into one group is fairly preposterous, as it spans everything from India to Korea and then back down to Southeast Asia, and they all eat markedly different things.  As I’ve already covered, the Indians would be remiss to skip meat eating if they were to eat an ancestral diet, as Indians at meat right up until the modern era, and Koreans would balk at eating a Chinese diet, so that’s fairly silly.  Oceania is also skipped, but I suppose the diversity of the diets ranging from New Zealand to the Aboriginal diet would be hard to cover in a single pyramid.  As for Northern Europeans, it might behoove you to consult this list, which comes from the Capitulary of Charlemagne de villis vel curtis imperii, a cookbook written in 800 AD, and details the vegetables under cultivation at that time.  Note that potatoes, tomatoes, and beans are conspicuously absent from the list because they arrived from elsewhere later in history (Bulit).
  • Eggplant
  • Cabbage
  • Artichokes
  • Eggplants
  • Carrots
  • Gourds
  • Melon
  • Parsnip
  • Swiss chard
  • Spinach
  • Leeks
  • Peas
  • Turnips
  • Cucumber
  • Chickpeas
  • Celery
  • Leeks
  • Peas
  • Lettuce
  • Garlic
  • Onions
  • Shallots

As for fruit, unless you’re picking wild strawberries, you’re pretty much limited to red currants, super tart apples (the closest thing you can get to an old school apple, pears, raspberries, black currents, and damsons, which are plum-like fruits with an apparently astringent taste.  As you can see, choices on a truly paleo diet are fairly limited.

2) Scientists all have an agenda.  It’s why they choose given fields- they spend their entire careers trying to prove a given hypothesis.  Some scientists want to go with the omnivorous theory, some want to prove that we have to eat carbs to be healthy, while still others want to portray humans as pure carnivores.  To say that they’re carnivorous opportunists just seems to be out of their reach, and since one of them seem to understand that no two geographic groups ate the same and thus there is no one golden paleo, they’re just busy confusing the hell out of everyone.

And while we’re at it– arrowroot is not strict paleo.  That shit has been in cultivation for 7,000 years in the Americas, and it requires extensive processing to obtain.  That’s not paleo.  According to Mark Sisson, it’s primal, but in terms of the strict definition of paleo, it’s not.  If you’re going for your ancestral diet, it’s especially not paleo unless you’re from the Caribbean.  Nevertheless, Robb Wolff posted a quote from Andrew Badenoch, “Paleo is a logical framework applied to modern humans, not a historical reenactment.”  As such, you should probably limit your arrowroot consumption, rather than include it in everything as I’ve seen some paleo chefs do.  In the event that you have a hankering for some biscuits, however, ol’ Robb has you covered- check out his recipe for biscuits and gravy here (though I’d throw some actual sausage in there for extra protein).

But, what about the news saying that cavemen ate carbs?

If you’ve been following the news, you might have noticed that the media has picked up on a study from the University College London that states that the paleo diet did, in fact, include carbohydrates.  This, of course, comes as a shock to no one, because no author of whom I’m aware have ever advocated a completely ketogenic diet as “paleo”  In fact, every paleo author of whom I’m aware advocates carbohydrate consumption in one form or another, using various sources like the ones I’ve listed above.  It seems obvious that early man would have been more concerned with filling his belly than maintaining his six-pack, and would be eating anything and everything that would help him stab various megafauna to death while banging some hot cave chick.

Similarly, you might have read a piece of trash so pants-shittingly insane it might as well have been co-written by Gary Busey and Nick Nolte on entitled “Scientists confirm the paleo diet is nonsense.”  In it, the author who clearly lacks a fact checker suggests that we all eat potatoes (which were considered unfit for human consumption in Europe until around the 17th century) because “cavemen and cavewoman ancestors loved—and needed—carbs as much as we do, even if they gathered them instead of cultivated them” based on the fact that “Examination of 3-million-year-old teeth and the plant-life in the regions where our ancestors lived also signal that they were eating tubers and other starchy vegetables” (Shanker).  The problem?  Modern humans are only about 200,000 old.  The hominid teeth being studied from 3 million years ago were australopithecines, which look like this:

Dunno about you, but none of my ancestors look like chimps.

From the above, you should be able to ascertain two things- one, my point about scientists having an agenda has been borne out, because that scientist blatantly lied about his findings.  Australopithecines aren’t even in our genus- saying we should eat like them is similar to saying whales should eat like deer, because they both descended from a common ancestor.  Mischievous, and deceitful.  Chicanerous and deplorable.  Two, the author from the Quartz doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the floor.  Oh, and that bit I mentioned about potatoes in Europe?

“Throughout Europe, potatoes were regarded with suspicion, distaste and fear. Generally considered to be unfit for human consumption, they were used only as animal fodder and sustenance for the starving. In northern Europe, potatoes were primarily grown in botanical gardens as an exotic novelty. Even peasants refused to eat from a plant that produced ugly, misshapen tubers and that had come from a heathen civilization. Some felt that the potato plant’s resemblance to plants in the nightshade family hinted that it was the creation of witches or devils” (Chapman).

So, we’re still working toward which paleo diet is right for you, which I will hit up in the next segment of this series.  Till then, eat a steak with some parsley on it- that should do you for veggies.


Bulit, Jean-Marc.  Vegetables in Medieval Europe.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Chapman, Jeff.  The impact of the potato.  History Magazine.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Knapton, Sarah.  Paleo diet should include carbohydrates to be authentic, say scientists.  Telegraph.  15 Aug 2015. Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Shanker, Deena.  Scientists confirm that the Paleo diet is nonsense.  Quartz.  13 Aug 2015.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Texas oranges history.  TexaSweet.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Grimmtano’s Great American SARMs Experiment

Posted on: August 14th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

Grimmtano, one of our occasional contributors and fellow Hooligan, penned the following 7 week trial of the various SARMs, and his results were impressive to say the least.  Check it out.



As the resident “bro” of the site, it should be noted that I do not share the same zeal for training as my contemporaries.  I write on history, gaming, and whatever strikes my fancy but I leave the record making to my betters in that regard.  While I am not nearly as sad as the fat man wearing the extra small Under Armor T-shirt napping on the leg press machine, I simply have not gone at my physical training nearly as hard after my back surgery a few years ago.  Do not mistake this as an intro into a sad tale of life setbacks and all that other emotional bullshit that every lifter seems to want to put into their writings these days;  I just found shooting pistols for sport and fucking big booty broads more interesting and time consuming than being a gym bum for a year.  Of course, comfort takes the bite out of any animal after a while and it makes me moody and frustrated so strength training had to be thrown back into the mix.  Coincidentally, Chaos and Pain decided to come out with a SARMS product line.  So, in the down time between my next history article, I decided to layout my experience with their SARMS, specifically GW-1516 and LGD-4033.  Do note that while I write for this site, my review of products is not influenced by my association.  I call it like I see it and if I feel a product isn’t anything special, I express that opinion.  Fortunately for you, Jamie and Wayne appreciate my candid, occasionally tactless, nature.  So let’s get to it.
 As I’m in the middle of moving, my scale has been packed away along with much of my other equipment.  Seeing that my first dose started on 25 June 2015 and I didn’t do a weight check then, I will be using photos and “feel” to document any body composition changes.  Frankly, that’s probably for the best as seeing fluff come off in photos is much better than reading some guy’s random scale number.  My lifts, on the other hand, are easier to document as I’ve essentially been cruising on easy mode in the gym for the most part of the year; I’ve not done a squat or bench over 315 or a deadlift over 365 in months.  Yea, I quit life, bro, at least in the gym.  My starting numbers for the prime lifts were:
Squat: 315
Bench: 305
Deadlift: 365
“Pains” that I’m having prior to beginning the cycle are a soreness to the bottom of my right patella and a tightness in the right side of my back.  They do not prevent my training but they are to be noted.  I did not opt to undertake a strict cutting diet due to knowing that I’m just not going to be able to stick to one without having access to most of my funds (moving).  However, when I do eat, I try to make protien my priority and carbs minimal until the weekend;  basically, a lazy apex predator diet.  
 The First Seven
From 25 June to 28 June,  I freeballed in the gym just to get a non-maximal  baseline number on my lifts and get my head back into training.  Unlike the no name SARM logs I came across on  online forums  proclaiming instant strength gains and extra cock vascularity within a day of taking LGD, I didn’t notice  a damn thing in terms of strength nor did I expect to.  What was noticeable was an increase in workout endurance around day 2 or 3.  In weeks prior, my best workouts were usually only performed when under the influence of a pre workout (shift work makes for bad sleeping).  As the week moved on, I found myself requiring less caffeine and  hitting my training harder.  GW has the “exercise in a bottle” tagline and I feel that may be the case.  My alertness and overall willingness to keep going in the gym increased.  Training on days where I slept well and took Ferox and AMP would lead to 2+ hour sessions that should have ended at 45 mins but I was just having fun.  My appetite started to increase over the week.  I’m not sure if I can attribute this to the SARMS or just the increased activity but who cares?!  Ribs and tits; I eats it; roll it!
Week 2: That Giggity Feel 
2 Jul 2015 (8th day)
This was the first day that  the strength gain became noticeable but the standout was the endurance by far.   Training for the day:
Hammer MTS v-squat: 90*10/10/10, 130*6, 190*6, 230*4, 290*3, 330*3, 390*2/3/3/1/1/3/3
Hamstring Curls 6*15-65 lbs, 85 lbs*8/8/8, 95 lbs*6/
Overhead press: 95*warmup:
BTN: 135*5, 185*3, 205*2
Front: 135*5, 185*4, 205*2, 225*1/1/1
Hammer MTS shoulder press: 6*12 60 lbs.  /80/100/120*3*amap
Elliptical* 15mins
I did not intend to train this much but when on a roll, roll it.  I passed out after eating 3 lbs of beef ribs.
 3 July 2015 (9th) (Work day)
Training had to be condensed into a 30 minute work break with little warmup and that probably was not the best thing for some nagging joints.  However, I can’t complain after leaving the weight room with a shoulder and arm pump that made getting my shirt off a pain in the ass.  I completed these exercises in a circuit with about 1 min rest intervals (90 secs tops).  
Lat Pulldown: 6xamap 105
BTN Press: up to 225x3x1 Klokov 135x8x5
Flat Bench Machine Press: 355x5x5-6
*I average 5 km of walking just doing my regular job and that’s on a light day.  While I don’t factor that into the gym work, I feel it should be noted.
4th July 2015 (10th day- Work)
*Apparently, Google Docs didn’t save my log entry on the 4th. The gist of the session:
Bench press: up to 315*3*1, 265*6*3
Dips: 6*12-15
Standing ab curls: 6*10 121 lbs
5th Jul 2015 (11th day)
*I took a break; I ate pork; I got laid; I was content
6th Jul 2015 (12th day)
Front Squat: up to 205*2 + Light Klokov 95* sets of 8-10
Deadlifts: up to 395*1
Farmers’ walk: 5 laps 140lbs
Hammer shoulder press: up to (per side) 90*10/10 115*7/7 140*4/4
Standing calf: 6*amap 105lbs
Incline treadmill: 10min 3/6 mph intervals
 *This was one of those days where I had to accept that the body doesn’t always want to do what I want it to do and I just have to find the thing it wants to do. My lower back was stiff and no amount of warmup was loosening it up. However, I still got in a decent amount of work and I’m sure that will lead to better lifts another day. Visually, others are beginning to comment that I am leaning up and I’m starting to notice thickness around my shoulders myself.
 7th Jul 2015 (13th day)
Overhead press: 135*6, 155*6, 185*3, 205*2, 225*1, 245*1, 255*5*1, 225*2/2/2
Klokov 135*5/5/5/5
Curls: 70*7/7/6/7/6/7/5
Standing abs strap: 6*8 121
Dips: 10/10/10/10/10/
Pec flys: 90*10/8/8/6
 *Lower back and knees sore; this was probably the sorest I’ve been. Opted for the overhead work instead of the squat or row and hit some training PRs. I may need to up my food intake as yesterday and today have been tiring sessions. However, that could also be the heat and just the usual highs and lows of training. 

Observation: My lifts are improving steadily.  However, I feel that I’ve hit the area where I don’t “notice” the effects of the SARMS as dramatically as before.  That doesn’t mean they are doing their job; it just means that I’m growing accustomed to them as one would with any substance.  My training sessions are still longer than my average ones for the past year.

 8th Jul 2015 (14th day-On Shift)
**I probably slept no more than 3 hours after staring at the ceiling and sleep banging the ol’ lady to knock myself out.  Why jerk off when you can just roll over, am I right?  We’ll see how the day goes and I’ll see if I can get a quickie session in after work.  I want to get my 8-9hrs in tonight so I’m not smashed working tomorrow.
 9th Jul 2015
Hammer shoulders press:  140lbs*5/5/5/5
Hammer Leg Curls: 100lbs *6/5/5/5/5 75lbs*8/7
Leg Extensions: 50* 5*10
Calf raises(stretch in the bottom):  6*110*amap
Back extension machine: 6*amap 220
 *Coming down the stairs this morning and climbing them at work made my right patella act up to a point where I briefly considered pulling out of work and heading to the doctor to hear him tell me nothing of worth and pass me painkillers. After speaking to Jamie about it, it could be my foot position in my squat affecting me. Today’s training was just to get some work in on the area without stressing it too much and also because all the racks were taken so I couldn’t squat anyway; that’s probably for the best. If I’m not called in for overtime tomorrow,  I’ll see how it feels in the morning and get some light squats in. As for the heavy, it’s between bench and deadlifts…maybe overhead. I like overhead; I shouldn’t but I do. Fuck it. Let tomorrow decided what tomorrow will be.
 10th Jul
Iso-lat incline press: 3*12-15 
Hammer pulldowns: 3*12-15
Pendlay rows: 6*3 225
*Despite my knee, I was feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, the gym was packed with every rack taken. I manage to get into the room with the bumper plates and have my workout cut off because they closed the room and put me out…yea, I’m about to cut the funds off to this gym in the coming months. My headphones broke on my last set as well which just killed the whole affair. I could have done some machine work but I just don’t fucking want to do it. I’m off so I’ll bang in the morning. 
 11th Jul
Bench: 265*3/3/3/3/3/3  275*3/3 285*1
MTS Hammer Shoulder Press:: 80*12 90*3*10
Ab strap: 143lbs 6/6/5/4 110lbs*12
Cable curls: 70**6/6/6/
*I have come off my drug high.  What I mean by that is that because I’m on an assistant, I want to go wild every session.  My body, on the other hand, has reminded me that I’m not Superman and reining in some enthusiasm is probably the best option for longevity.  Today was a “do work” day and it was solid.  I have a few ideas on how I want to manage my training in terms of just focusing on the push/pull and trying to pattern it around this gym’s heavy traffic times.
 12th Jul
Beach day: hung out with new dog and the ol’ lady for a much needed tan. Farmer’s tan just isn’t sexy.
**Adjustment: went to gym anyway. Fuck it. Gains.
Strict press(5 chin up between sets) up to 205*1/1/1 185*2/3/2/2/2
Rack pull (just below knee): singles of 365- didn’t track count as they were fast
Hammer leg curl: 50lbs*5*10
Back hypers: 5*amap
15 min Elliptical
 **My lower body has been squirrelly most of this cycle and I didn’t really want to come in today.  But since I was in the neighborhood for food anyway, I felt I should do something to earn the meal.  My pulls feel foreign right now.  I’m having to repeat simple shit in my head like keeping my chest up since I haven’t done them in forever.  As I won’t be doing much squatting until my knee sorts itself out, I’ll get plenty of practice in the rack and full pulls this week and the following.  
 13th Jul
Machine decline press: 135 per side 6/7/7/7/7/7
Mach. Shoulder Press: 115 per side 6/6/6/6/6/6
Mach. Rows: 150*6 170*6/6/6/6/6
Klokov: 135*6/6/6/6 185*3/2/3 135*4/4
Deltiod fly: 80*6*10
Standing Calf raise: 140*6*10
**This was just a sexy flexy day; got in and banged around creeping on yoga booties and making weird faces in the mirror; pretty sure people got pregnant.
Squat: worked up to 295*1/1/1/1
Shrugs;  455*2/2/3/3/2/2
Cable row: 121*6*amap
Hamstring curl: 2*15
**ended up lifting near midnight from an already long day. My knee is still sore but not as badly so I have it a little work today. I opened my feet up and widened my stance a bit more and it felt better. However, I won’t know until tomorrow when I wake up and feel if my knee hates me again. Not a great day but got some in. 
AM training:
Klokov 6*8 115
Hammer ISO high row: 100 per side 8/8/9 125*6/6/6
Bench: 315*1, 320*3*1, 285*2/2/2/3
Shoulder Press 90 3*8
Curls 3-5* amap
Deadlifts: 315*2/2/3/2/3/3/2/1/1/1
High Pulls:  up to 225*6*2
Curls 3*amap 95
Barbell ab roll: 225*3*amap
**Rush session as I had an appointment to meet but I wanted to get some in before it was too late in the day.  
 Final week of Training on GW/LGD (Wk 4)
Up to this point, I’ve only logged thoughts on individual sessions.  The thought that popped into my head at the end of the session yesterday for this cycle is how much a year off can let things slide away and getting back up the hill to where you were seems harder than it should be.  I’m 8 days without a break in training, half my body hurts and I’m plain fucking tired.  Outside of major injury, anything that could make the cycle suboptimal has occurred: poor food, poor funds, housing moves, animals waking me at night with their bullshit, etc.  Despite all this, I probably wouldn’t be handling the load as I am now without the SARMS.  I’ve not needed much in preworkout (thankfully, since I’ve not the cash); while my big lift numbers aren’t blowing my mind, the amount of work I get into many of my sessions has been fairly high.  Strength gain has been a more incremental gain instead of a dramatic one; now that I have a good feel on how these compounds work on me, a change in thought process is warranted.  I was expecting massive jumps in numbers so I intended to jump after singles from the start.  Clearly, my knee and back weren’t having that shit.  So, if you haven’t noticed in the last 3-4 sessions, I’ve altered my approach for the final week and the PCT.  On the days that I work 12hr shifts, I’ve not the time to get any real work in or to even warm up for it.  Those sessions essentially have to be the warm up for the next one or none at all; therefore, most of the bodybuilding work will happen there.  On my off days, if I can get in early, the AM will mirror the work day one.  The PM will be the barbell work and kept short and to the point.  The basic format will be based of the CNP DTO book.  I feel that doing things this way will allow me to narrow my focus and get in some needed active and inactive recovery.  After all, I’ve still another 5 weeks to go.  Anyway, I’m moving this weekend so back to the suck.   
Hamstring curls/lat fly 6*amap
Front squat (l) 3*8 95
Back Squat (l) 3*8 155
Push Press:  (m) 185*4*6/*2
Pec fly: 100*6*10-12
Cable curl: 60*10/10/8/6
Reverse Hyper: 50*amap to warmup
Ham curl: 60* amap to warmup
Bench: 275*3/3/3/3/3/3
Klokov: 135*6/6/6/6/6
Bodyweight ab/ low back work
Hammer Shoulder press: 70*3*8-10; 90*8/8/8 115*6/6/6
Ham curl: 90*6/7/7/8/7
T bar row: 135*6/7/7/ 160*6 190*5/5
Shrugs: up to 545*1/2; 495*2/2/3/3/3/4/3/3/3 315*10/8/6
Curl and press: 95lbs x 3x amap
Dips 5*15
Elliptical: 10 min moderate resistance
21st: off
**Lifting has been solid over the past few days.  My knee has calmed down a lot and I’m working with my chiro on my back tightness.  We’ve finally moved the bulk of things into our new house and while funds will take a few weeks to stabilize again (gotta get lawn care, washer/dryer, yada yada), I’ll be able to focus more on my nutrition and tighten things down for the PCT coming up in a couple of days.  With the myriad of factors that made this cycle sub-optimal, I have to say that the SARMS have made a noticable impression in my physical appearance and my training output.  They are not a instant “Hulk” compound but the steady gain is there and if you are someone that is planning on staying with the iron for the long term, I feel they are definitely something to consider adding to the cabinet;  But we’ll see if my opinion holds up after the PCT.
Hammer Shoulder 45*3*20 70*2*10
Angled leg press: 45s (7plates per side) 6*6
Rack pull: up to 405*1/1/1 365*3/3/3
Cable row: 187*6*8
Standing ab: 110*10+; 121*10+; 143*3*6
Dip: 3*12
Cable curl: 3*12
Cardio: 25 mins
Back raises: sets of 15-20
Dips: 45lbs*4*10
Bench: up to 315*3*1 225*3*6
Btn press: up to 245*1, Klokov 155*3/3/3
Good morning: 115*6/6
Flys, curls, calves, misc work
Ham curls/lat pulldown: amap until warmup
Pendlay row: 135*4*5, 185*2*3, 205*3, 225*3/4/5/4/ 245*2/3/2
High pull (clean grip): 135*5/3 185*3, 225*2/3, 245*1, 265*2, 275*1/1
Bottom squat Klokovs: sets of 5 up to 95*6/6, 115*2/3, 135*1/2/3/1, 3 standing
Cable row: 209*6*6
Standing ab: 121*6*amap
Back Extensions: 10/12, 10lbs *10/10/12
**Trained someone…light day just doing what the individual was doing.
Bench: up to 275*3, 285*3/3/3/4
Machine shoulder press: 90*2*10, 100*10, 120*10/10/10/10
Back Extensions: 6*15
Elliptical: 15min
Back Ext: 3*10
Close grip bench: 225*5*5
Back Squat: 315*4; Jump Squat: 115*8/5/5/5/
RDL: up to 335*3*2, 365*4*1
Klokov: up to 155*3/3/3/3
Back Extension: 3*10
Good morning: 95*3*6
Strict press: 95*3*6, 135*3, 155*3, 185*2, 205*1, 
Push press: 225*8*2
Snatch high pull 135*3*5, 185*3/3, 205*2, 225*2/2, 135*3*5
Dips 6*amap (12)
Calves 6*amap (22)
Elliptical 10 mins
Power clean + strict press (1+2) up to 185*3sets
Push press from rack + pause jerk (1+1) up to 235*3 sets
Pause Front squat (3-5secs)+front squat 135, 185, 225, 245, 265, 275, 275, 245, 245, 245
Jump squat: 95* 10,5,6,5,5,5,5, 
Back Extension: 3*12
 Aug 1st
**I am currently into the first few days of the Cannibal Alpha; my lifts are still improving and many of my aches have chilled the hell out.  This training cycle has really felt like rebuilding a house that has fallen into disrepair.  That had a humbling effect to it once I realized it; After a few days and watching a Vice doc on Wim Hof, I found some relief in it as well.  I understood that I shouldn’t be rushing anything.  I’m not in competition with anyone and there’s no reason to push certain movements to the point I injure myself and be setback for weeks.  Once the “pressure” that was in my head was let go, I started to just have fun lifting and mixing things up.  The last week is an example of that as I’ve added movements I haven’t done in years.  I haven’t done a clean or high pull since my back surgery and Front squats haven’t been higher than 185 tops so getting them in the other day was pleasure.  I’m debating getting up in the morning and adding in bagwork for cardio.  The bag will wear you the hell out quickly and it’s more entertaining than just using an elliptical.  However, I live 35-40mins from the gym so pulling double days are dependant on gas and me getting my ass up on my off days (sleep is good…and stuff).    I’m going to pick up some knee sleeves as soon as some funds come in; the move has been brutal and to be honest, I’m not really happy with the new spot but the papers are signed so I just have to bear it for the year.  I have 6mb internet at my new place…yea, it’s that bad.  First world problems but fuck you, I live in the first world and run content in the first world so it’s a damn problem haha.  Twitch is likely out and Youtube is going to be a chore.  But this does leave time in my schedule for training so spending the year seeing what this body can do isn’t time wasted; there may even be more benefits to it than the obvious.
 1 Aug 
Klokov’s: up to 185*1, 165*2/2/2/2/1/1
Shrugs: up to 405*5/4/4/4/4/3
Curl+Press: 115*5*3-5
Standing ab: 110*4×14
 2 Aug
Off (Forgot gear and had to get home to let dog out)
 3 Aug
Back ext: 30lbs *3*10
Back squat: up to 335*1, 295*2/2/2
Snatch Grip Romanian DL: sets of 2 up to: 315*2/2/1/2/2/2/2
Snatch high pull: 135*2*5, 185*3*5
Klokov: 135*2*5, btn pp 185*3-4 amap till burnt out
Leg curl: 50*3*10-12 (hams were eaten up on the Romanians lol)
 4 Aug
Back Ext: 4*10-15
Reverse Bench: sets of 5 to 245, 265, 275*1/1/2/3/2, 225
Incline Bench: sets of 6 to 205, 225*3, 245*1 (not a max; just bored of benching now)
Hammer Row (plate loaded) 135*6*amap
Standing ab 143*2*6, 121*2*8, 110*2*9
Dips(bw) 56 reps total (cramping in mid right side lol)
Calf: 120*amap 6 sets
Klokov: 135*4/3/3
Jacobs ladder: 10 mins
**Jacobs ladder sucks ass…but it’s brutal so gotta do it!
 5 Aug
Ham curl: 25*2*15, 50*2*10, 75*2*10
Back ext (bw) 3*15
Machine Fly: 100*20, 130*15, 160*10, 200*3*8
Mil press: up to 185*1, push press: 225*2/2/1/2/1/1/2/1/1/1
Shrugs: up to 445*3*2/2/3 (not feeling the shrug today) 315*7/7
Klokov: 115*7/7/7 135*4*4
 6 Aug
**I really wasn’t feeling training yesterday.  I was tired and I’m surprised I did anything worth a damn.  At the moment, I’m going off 4 hours or less sleep and I’m kinda passing out at the keyboard.  I’ll admit it…I miss the GW, haha.  Feel free to donate to the preworkout fund because work day lifting is a sleepy affair once more.  I think I’m just going to do arms today.  It’s early in the morning so I may change my mind later but judging how I feel at the moment, today may just be bi and tri.  Fuck it; not mad at bigger wings to fly into the Danger Zone!  Ha!  I’m thinking deadlifts this weekend.  It’s been a while.
Leg Curls: 50*2*15, 60*10, 85*3*6
Klokov 95, 135
Incline press: 
 7 Aug
 8 Aug
Back ext: 3*10
Deadlift: (2 pull to knees+1 full pull) 135, 185, 225,275
(Full pull) 315, 365, 405*2*1, 415*2*1
Snatch Rdl: up to 275*5*3
Fly: 110*20, 160*5*10-15
Calfs: 120x6xamap
**Good day and I can’t complain about progress.  
 9 Aug
 10 Aug
Leg Curl: 50*2*10, 60*2*10
Kloks: 115lbs, 135lbs
Machine Rows
Shoulder Press
**Didn’t log the weight/reps as this is a complete tossed together Monday worknight session. The real work is together; this is just greasing the wheel
  Also, running after being on your feet all day fucking blows; I’m not doing that again!
 11 Aug
Good morning: 4*10
Push press: 195 6*3
Snatch Rdl: up to 365*1/1
Clean Rdl:365*2/2/1/1/1
High pull: 155*4*5
Shoulder press: up to 150*6
**think I was in the sun way too long today; I felt terrible, sweating like a dog and just worn out. That’s what I get for forgetting my Nuuns.
 12 Aug
 13 Aug
**Deads: 415… up 50 pounds in under a month and a half!
   Squat: 335 Front: 275… up 20 pounds
   Bench: 320… up 15 pounds
   Press: 255
I haven’t been actively testing maxes. I typically just go in and pull to a training max for the day. These numbers are an improvement over what I started with for sure. 
Front Squat: up to 295/ 235*2/2/2/2
Press:  up to 235/225*3*1-2 195*2*3
T-bar row: 3 45lbs plates for 6×8
**this is the last time I do Mr. Hyde. I don’t get energy from it. I just get a lot of sweating and a headache. I need my Ferox back.. Fucking hell…
14 Aug 2015
So it’s been seven weeks and overall, my strength has improved.  I’ve not surpassed my best since the surgery nor am I on par with my former numbers.  But I’m not eating, sleeping or training like I did back then either so that’s a given.  But every session is an improvement and those numbers aren’t that far off anymore.  Looking at the record, I’ve noticed I’m taking more off days now than I was during the sarm cycle.  Some of that is just life getting in the way but a few of those are “I just don’t fucking want to.”  You have less of those days when you’re on cycle for sure and there may have been more if I wasn’t on Alpha; who knows, right?  
I don’t expect a drastic change in a week on my training PR numbers so there’s no need to hold off on my opinion of the sarms/alpha.  I like them.  I didn’t notice any physical side; depending on the lift, my poundage rose from 20lbs to 50lbs from previous standings.  DId I shatter world records or even my own?  No.  The increase in strength was not dramatic and I’d gone pretty far into the sedentary lifestyle that it’s gonna take time to be decent again, especially with a sore knee and angry back.  But I don’t have a problem with that.  I’m moving weight I haven’t moved in a long time and I’m enjoying it, mostly.  As I didn’t change my diet or much of anything before taking the sarms, I highly doubt my experience was placebo.  I love the GW most of all.  The energy from that was probably the most valuable to me and of the three, that will become a mainstay.  I plan on doing a triple stack next time with strict diet and sleep times as the hustle from the house move has finally started to settle (and money is showing back up in my bank account).  Everything about this trial run was sub-optimal but the product itself did not disappoint and I look forward to using them again.  I hope my experience is helpful to you.  Check them out.  They are worth the look.

Baddest Mofos Ever- “Judo” Gene LeBell

Posted on: August 13th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
Now that is a metal face.

Growing up, I had two martial arts heroes- Stephen Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme.  Sadly, Van Damme, all 155 lbs of coke-fueled, stripper groping, splits-doing idiot of him, got beating like a housewife in a trailer home by Hell’s Angel-turned-bouncer Chuck Zito, and around the same time, Seagal was literally forced to piss his pants by a 58 year old man- the incomparable, unbeatable, innovative, and crueler than Vlad the Impaler, “Judo” Gene LeBell.  According to the stories, Gene was working on the set of Out for Justice when Seagal started mouthing off like he was a frat boy in an 18 and over bar, claiming that due to his aikido training, he was immune to chokes.  LeBell, who was aware of Seagal’s shitty reputation (“he would hurt actors and stunt performers, dislocated shoulders, kick guys in the nuts to see if they were wearing cups, etc”) proceeded to immediately choke out Seagal and manipulate acupuncture points so that Seagal shit and pissed himself (Mancini,  Not bad for a who’s 58 year old in a pink gi… not bad at all.  After all, he had to contend witht the likes of this absolute beast of a fighter:

And while it’s known that LeBell really enjoys embellishing his stories, you have to see how long he holds his chokes to truly appreciate what a mean motorscooter Gene is.  I mean, these demo chokes are so brutal you wonder what he’d do in an actual fight- would he pop the guy’s head off and put it on his mantle?  I would say that is highly likely.

Never have I ever seen a person get choked so tightly that he couldn’t even lift his arm to tap… but it’s not like Gene gave a hairy rat’s ass, anyway.

The man who might be considered one of the baddest man to throw ever throw fists with giant, jacked, hairy lumberjack-looking sonsofbitches who rode the bull they rode into the ring on was born in 1932 in Los Angeles, of all places.  After he presumably choked his mom half to death with his own umbilical cord, he waited a few years and began training under one of the most feared men in catch wrestling, Ed “The Strangler” Lewis.  Either his parents dripped with testosterone like a 1980’s era Randy Savage, or they were the most irresponsible parents ever, because 1) the man is called “The Strangler”, and 2) the style being taught to a 7 year old was one in which ” grappling, strangling, limb twisting, head butting, punching, kicking, biting and even eye gouging were legal” (Potenza).

Robinson is the one about to unload the world’s craziest haymaker on mega-badass Jake Lamotta’s face.

After four years of eye gouging and strangling, the dude decided to learn boxing from boxing legend “Sugar” Ray Robinson and a few years later trained in styles that were virtually unknown in the US at the time- shit like kenpo, Taekwondo, and Shotokan.  After mastering that insane list of styles, Gene went back to his crazy brutal strangling groups and moved to Japan to learn Judo and Jiu Jutstu, the sports in which he’s a living legend.  By the time he was 59, this master of the choke had earned the rank of 9th Dan in jujitsu and taihojutsu (which is basically a style designed by the Japanese feudal police to kill armed criminals). Finally, at 73 the man in in the pink gi was promoted to the sport that made him famous: 9th Dan in Traditional Judo (Gene LeBell).  

Going absolutely HAM.

You’d think the man basically did nothing but train martial arts all day, but you’d be wrong: he was a Hollywood stuntman with 246 stunt credits to his name, 130 small acting roles, and 9 goddamned books.  The dude must never sleep, because that list exhausted me to read.  Oh, did I also mention he fought in what is erroneously referred to as America’s first MMA fight (rough and tumble predated it by century)?  According to Gene, “It was the first televised MMA match. It was billed as pitting a judo, karate and wrestling guy against the No. 5 light-heavyweight boxer. I was known mostly for judo because I’d won the Nationals a few times, but I’d also done boxing, wrestling, karate, taekwondo and kenpo, mixing them together before it was popular.”  Prior to the fight, Gene threatened to take his opponent Milo Savage’s eye out during the fight, and it just escalated from there.  Gene’s hands got nerfed when he was told he couldn’t punch (presumably because he’d have committed a murder in the ring, and then Savage entered the ring covered in Vaseline (Fightland).  Not that it mattered- when he won the fight in the fourth round by choke, “the ref, who was also the doctor, didn’t know how to resuscitate him with katsu. After he’d been out for 20 minutes, my coach went in and revived the guy. The next morning, the newspaper headlines said, ‘The Savage Was Tamed'” (Young).

By the way, did I mention he wrled a bear?  Must’ve slipped my mind because it’s so commonplace.

By now, you have to be wondering how he trained, and you will not be disappointed.  LeBell was basically like a proto Steve Justa, only without the terrible singing, overall look of a hobo, fat gut, and sleeveless flannel shirts.  For fight training and conditioning, LeBell likes six hour workouts of a combination of striking, grappling, and general cardio work… which is insane on a scale I can hardly conceive (Salzano).  As for weight lifting, Gene thought it was incredibly boring, which makes sense given his ridiculously diverse resume.  Instead, Gene would do something called the “Tire Toss”, an exercise that made him so strong that he was often disqualified from judo tournaments by pussies who thought he was using too much strength.  Awwwwwww… isn’t it adorable when pussies get into positions of power and jam up their betters?  Described as being like the Incredible Hulk, Gene’s method for building strength went like this- he’d snatch a 1950’s motorcycle tire, then throw it as far as he could.  He’d do that for the length of a football field, celebrate by throwing the tire over the goal post, and then turn around and head back the way he came in the same manner (Founding Member).  SHEER BRUTALITY.  

You have got to love a guy who writes an autobiography called “The Toughest Man Alive.”

Because nothing I could possibly say about this man beats this story, I’ll leave you with this little bit of awesome.  The back ground to this story is that there was an inexperienced female ref working a fight between Gene’s protege, Ronda Rousey, and an inexperienced fighter who’d only been training for six months.

“So Ronda get’s the gal down and upside down, gets an armbar. And you can see on the film where the gal was tapping, giving up, tapping out, and the referee was just standing there and looking. And I’m screaming “roll her over and break her arm!” and of course she does what Uncle Gene tells her to do, and that was that. It made it look a little bit better, but you don’t want to hurt a kind person if you don’t have to…….unless it makes you feel good” (Judo Gene).



Fightland Staff.  Roots of Fight brings us the story of “Judo” Gene LeBell– MMA pioneer and terrifying old man.  Vice.  3 Dec 2013.  Web.  13 Dec 2015.–mma-pioneer-and-terrifying-old-man

Gene LeBell.  Wikipedia.  Web.  12 Aug 2015.

Gene LeBell, Founding Member of Black Belt.  American Martial Arts Movement.  Web.  13 Aug 2015.

Judo Gene LeBell talks Kimura, Rousey, Elvis, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee.  Wrestling Observer.  23 Dec 2014.  Web.  13 Aug 2015.

Mancini, Vince.  A famous story about Steven Seagal peeing himself.  Uproxx.  pr 2011.  Web.  12 Aug 2015.  Gene LeBell talks Steven Seagal s—-ing himself.  Mixed Martial  Web.  12 Aug 2015.—-ing-himself/

Potenza, John.  The Original No Holds Barred Fighting.  Snke Pit USA.  2012.  Web.  12 Aug 2015.