The Chaos And Pain Revolution

Giving you front row seats to the dawn of a new world.


Posted on: August 31st, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

This interview was conducted by guest contributor Max James, a Hooligan and door kicker for Chino Tactical.




Music and fitness go hand in hand. A massive amount of people in any given gym are listening to something, even ignoring the top forty playlist most gyms are running through their speakers. Music grants the listener extra motivation which can be crucial to pushing the limits of a workout—for many, music is an anchor which keeps them focused and honed on achieving their best in the gym. The commitment required to produce music is not itself unlike the commitment required to consistently work out, both require intense focus, constant practice, and the initiative to strive for perfection. Enter BlackWest.


Born Ernest Rogers III, BlackWest was delivered into the American dream of two parents and a big house in the suburban town of Altadena. Just about 15 miles from the bright lights of Hollywood, the gang violence of Los Angeles would soon infest the city. At the age of 5, BlackWest and his mother ran away from his drug addicted father and moved to the infamous “Jungles” of South Central L.A. It was there that Black began to learn percussion and pro-audio from his uncle Roy, a studio engineer for Lionel Richie, Ray Charles and others.
While attending Audubon Middle School, Black would often ditch classes to steal instrumentals from the Crenshaw Mall and write music on Crenshaw Boulevard bus stops. Following in the footsteps of so many West Coast artists, Black began to fuse his abstract musical talents and avid street knowledge to create a sound of his own. After being suspended and eventually expelled from L.A. schools, Black’s mother enrolled him in Pasadena High School. P.H.S. was home to the city’s largest gang, the PDL Bloods. Avoiding the gang life, it was at P.H.S. that Black grew into an area Hip Hop celebrity. Winning talent shows, freestyle battles and entertaining at weekend house parties was Black’s way out of the street life.
After high school, a casual visit to Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles led to Black being introduced to the man who would guide him to the next level, rapper DMX. It was DMX who helped Black develop as a self-reliant artist under the umbrella of Def Jam West releasing some of the hottest mixtapes in SoCal. Not much later, Black’s career was almost cut short with a double dose of bad news—his father had died of cancer and his soon to be label, Def Jam West, was dropped. This negative period served as a turning point, and Black began to push his music harder than ever. Black wrote and produced the theme music for the “DeezNutz Comedy Jam” hosted by actor/comedian Mike-P, performing at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas every Friday. Last summer Black unleashed a freestyle feature in the 10th BowWow/Wiz Khalifa webisode topping 500,000 views on YouTube.
Black is currently writing for Canadian rap artist DollahD and “America’s Hottest Celebrity Kid DJ” KissTheDJ. The summer of 2015 will pave the way for BlackWest with the digital release of a new album “BLKWEST” and the launch of We’ve had the privilege of interviewing BlackWest about his music, his lifestyle, and his work in the gym.


































BlackWest gives 100% in everything he does, in the studio or the gym. His heavy personal struggles and uncompromising commitment to his art make him a natural fit for the Chaos and Pain community. Put on those headphones, get to lifting, and stay tuned, as this young man seems to have a gleaming future ahead of him.
Here’s a link to check a cool video featuring BlackWest, enjoy and feel free to leave feedback.
XL Middleton & Young Sau “Mathematics” Official Music Video feat. Black&Mild

Throwback Thursday: Apex Predator Diet, Part 4- Every Apex Predator Goes On An Occasional Rampage, So Long As Chris Hansen Doesn’t Catch Them First

Posted on: August 27th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

A hulking figure appeared in the doorway, cloaked in an aura so intense that he barely seemed capable of doing aught but great violence to anything within his reach.  As he stepped heavily into the room, the onlookers noticed that every sinew, every muscle, and every vein stood in stark relief beneath his paper thin skin, which threatened to burst like the skin on a sausage left too long on the grill.  His t-shirt, loose at the waist, grew tighter as the eye moved upward until it appeared to be strangling him, so tightly was it stretched over his bull-like neck and shoulders.  Shouldering aside ill-clad, scrawny hipsters, the brute made his way to the front of the establishment and spoke.


Bring me a pizza adorned with every conceivable type of meat, as many breadsticks as you can fit into a garbage bag, and a half gallon of whiskey, or I swear by all of the gods that I shall reduce this building to rubble, lay waste to the surrounding areas, carry off your women, and drink all of your liquor.  You have fifteen minutes to comply.


Goddamned right.

It was, clearly, Rampage Day.

Though you might be thinking that skipping your Rampage day might be a good way to accelerate fat loss, this is not so.  In the initial phase of this diet, you might stretch your keto runs to acclimatize yourself to the diet and undo the massive damage you’ve wrecked upon your internal system.  Additionally, you’re primarily concerned with being less disgusting to look at and touch, which is understandable. As such, you might be inclined to continue to stretch the no-carb phase of this diet to ten to fourteen days, which can have some very positive metabolic effects.   Once you’ve re-entered the realm of human physiques, however, you should rethink that policy, as this diet’s not about not being fat- it’s about being awesome.  If you’re going to be awesome, you’re going to need to lift continually heavier weights and get more muscular, and the Rampage is a critical component in that, especially given the fact that some studies have shown that long-term ketogenic diets inhibit muscle growth when the dieter is in a hypocaloric state, which you’ll likely be in for at least part of the week if you’re doing one or more days of Protein Sparing Modified Fasts.(McDaniel) If you’re doing PSMFs and breaking your ass in the gym, it’s highly likely that until you engage in a gastronomic catastrophe like the Rampage, you’re going to be in a hypocaloric state over the balance of the week.  That shit simply cannot be allowed to stand, as your workouts will suffer and you could lose some of the muscle you’ve broken your ass inside out to get.


Thus, you should regard a refeed day as sacrosanct.  The Rampage Day is essential for getting insanely strong and lean, as a day in which you deliberately overeat carbohydrates  is utterly necessary for muscular hypertrophy, strength gains, and overall recomposition.  Essentially, the Rampage Day confers more benefits than a cattle prod at a school for the mentally retarded- it stimulates your metabolism (Matsumoto), replenishes your glycogen stores for heavy training (Bowden), increases your thyroid, adrenal, and sex hormones (Poehlman), provides sundry mental health benefits through a  forced break from clean eating (Westrate), and helps normalize most, if not all, of the hormones [involved in] metabolic slowdown: leptin, ghrelin, insulin, etc”(McDonald RFD 46).


You will, however, have to do the refeed correctly in order to reap its benefits like a Muslim collecting hymens in Jannah.  Unless you’re where you want to be in terms of bodyfat, however, this isn’t going to be a goddamn free-for-all day, as you’re hardly out of the water yet.  Instead, the Rampage is a combination of a structured refeed (like you’d do for a glycogen supercompensation) and a cheat meal.




If you’re still worried that you’ll grow your disgusting fatbody back in your first Rampage, fear not- there are at least two studies that suggest that the body continues to use bodyfat for fuel during the first 24 hours of carbohydrate loading, so provided you stick to the plan, you’ll be well on your way to getting the striated  buttocks of which you’ve always dreamed.(McDonald KD 135)  At least one study has shown that short breaks from high fat diets will not have an adverse effect on lipolytic activity, and lipolytic activity in people who take high carb breaks from high fat diets are actually higher than those who are on a high carbohydrate diet, meaning you’ll burn more fat if you cheat a bit once a week.(Saitoh)  Additionally, fellow low-carbohydrate dieting advocate, Dave Palumbo, stated that if “you use a keto-diet, you’ll need to have a cheat meal (to spike insulin) at least once per week to keep the thyroid functioning normally.”  For anyone who’s ever met a grossly obese person, they invariably claim that their thyroid’s at fault, rather than the fact that they gave up vertical locomotion for a scooter and some Ho-Ho’s ten years ago, and haven’t even bothered to mourn the fact that they’ve not seen their genitalia in in 15 years due to their obsession with television game shows and Cheetos.  Best to keep your distance from those sonsofbitchs and keep that thyroid humming like a chick from the Berkeley School of music giving a blowjob.

Get Rampagin’!

On your Rampage Day, you’re going to plan on consuming 3.5-4.5 grams per pound of gross bodyweight.  Thus, a 154 lb. person should consume 600 grams of total carbohydrates on Rampage Day, whereas a 200 lb person would consume around 800.  The timing of the carbohydrates is not as important as the amount, though I prefer to keep myself in a caloric deficit until the cheat window to milk every bit of stimulus I can out of the massive influx of food.  Additionally, predators in the wild invariably have a “marked circadian rhythm” and their hunting motivation is “influenced by the activity of endogenous clocks”(McFarland 463)  Though you might be skeptical of the application of this fact to you, humans are universally considered to be apex predators, so it is in our nature to eat in a particular rhythm.  This might be why I find this diet so incredibly easy to follow- it has a nice flow.  Additionally, my body seems primed for the influx of calories in the evening, which leads me to believe that you’ll utilize the majority of the calories you ingest if your Rampage is synchronous with your largest meal during the week.  Is there science to support that?  Hell no, but it makes sense, so I’m sticking with it.


You don’t need to walk around with a notepad and calculator all goddamned day long, either- the key to the refeed is how many carbs and which kinds, rather than the pace at which you eat them..  For the first couple of Rampages, you might want to plan them a bit so you’re shooting for the right carbohydrate levels.  This will give you a benchmark and allow you the opportunity to fine tune your intake as you go.  Others of you might want to go my route and keep your carbs under 200 grams for the duration of the day, so that no matter how goddamned nuts you go come cheat time you cannot overshoot your mark.  I found this particularly helpful in the early stages, but as I got leaner it went from unnecessary to possibly counterproductive.

Anyone else amused that the less-skinny guy is “clearly juiced up”?

Multiple sources I’ve read virtually scream that you should avoid fructose during glycogen recomposition, as it simply replenishes liver stores and can actually be stored as bodyfat.  Thought vegans will scream bloody murder this isn’t true, science does not appear to have their back.  Instead, science appears to have gained full mount and is currently beating vegans like they’re talking shit on a California playground.  “Fructose is more lipogenic than glucose or starches, and usually causes greater elevations in triglycerides and sometimes in cholesterol than other carbohydrates. Dietary fructose has resulted in increases in blood pressure, uric acid, and lactic acid.”  To add insult to injury, “added fructose seems to provide little advantage over other caloric sweetners and compares unfavorably to complex carbohydrates in susceptible segments of the population” (Hallfrisch).  Thus, I’d avoid fruit for the most part.  Additionally, overdoing the sucrose can lead to some being stored as bodyfat.  If you’re eating either, try to restrict them to 50 grams and 100 grams, respectively, to avoid reducing the efficacy of the refeed (McDonald RFL 46-7).  That’s not to say that you should underdo it, however.  The Minnesota Experiment showed that the utilization of the minimum necessary calories in a refeed will lead to decreased enthusiasm for the diet and training, no matter the macronutrient composition.(Russell 129)  Thus, you’ll Rampage as intelligently and aggressively as you should do everything, like you’re a modern day Neanderthal with an 8 inch boner facing down a woolly mammoth that’s trying to rape your girlfriend.



The Rampage Itself

In the past, I covered cheat windows fairly in-depth and mentioned that there are a couple of ways to skin this proverbial cat.  The Rampage will utilize none of those, and will instead rely on a single 3 hour cheat window on the heels of the aforementioned carbohydrate refeed.  During the cheat window, I encourage you to eat like you’re a midwestern housewife at an all-you-can-eat buffet and gorge yourself.  I usually pick foods on which I can graze, as I’ve shrunken my stomach and haven’t got any interest in putting myself in physical pain during my weekly three hour holiday. There’s no metabolic reasoning for grazing, however- it’s just what I like to do.  For those of you who are about to throw Lyle McDonald in my face, relax, I’ve read the same shit.  His contention is that during these structured refeeds, you should definitely not “use the concept as an excuse to eat yourself sick or eat three times what you’d normally eat” (McDonald, 34).  I’ll tell you this from experience- the farther you get in a given diet, the less you can consume in three hours- it’s a matter of pure biology.  Thus, at the beginning of your diet, you’ll be able to eat more during your cheats, which will likely slow your progress.  Should you notice this, you can moderate future Rampages to forestall that slowdown, though as you get leaner, you’ll notice you can get away with a lot more in the way of craziness and lapses.  Additionally, once start seeing definition you’d never seen before, or veins you never thought you’d ever see, you’re going to naturally restrict yourself on your cheats to prevent any backsliding, at least until you’ve stayed lean for a considerable period of time and find yourself nearly insane with hunger by Friday night.

The night is a very dark time for me.


I usually choose to Rampage at night.  From a insulin standpoint this is probably not ideal, but from a lifestyle standpoint, I don’t care.  There’s not enough of a difference in hormone levels between morning and night to justify worrying about my insulin levels, and I find that it’s awesome to go to bed full to bursting and have the night to digest and bomb out my place in peace, rather than force myself to eat a meal when it’s inconvenient.

Some nutritionists believe that pre-workout is the best time for a scheduled cheat window.  Anytime I’ve tried to schedule a cheat meal early in a day and train later, however, I find that my lift’s a disaster, and I spend the majority of the time acting like I’ve got some horrible stomach flu.  The kind of flu wherein you know you’re going to paint the bathroom one color or another because everything wants out all at once.  I chose wrong once, and my mom had to clean the bathroom after, as I passed out with my head hanging over the toilet, pants around my ankles, shit covering every square inch of the bathroom.  This has made Mother’s Day expensive since I was 6.  I don’t wish to repeat that event, so I don’t cheat pre-workout.


Two supplements that will increase the effectiveness of your cheat meal are:

ECA stack– It increases your thermogenesis anyway, but “ephedrine alone can increase the thermic effect of a meal by 30%”(Berardi).  As such, make sure you whack that back prior to the initiation of your feeding frenzy to ensure that you’re getting the optimal metabolic response to your overfeeding.  You can really substitute any strong fatburner here (*cough* Cannibal Inferno *cough*)- the key is to increase thermogenesis.


Digestive enzymes– Before, during, and after.  Trust me, they’ll help.  If you’ve been eating clean, your body’s going to have something to say about what you’re eating, and it’s going to let everyone in the room know what it thinks about it.  This should prevent any non-alcohol-related pants-shitting, and keep you from smelling like you’ve shit them.  Lastly, it’ll increase the absorption of the nutrients you’d so rudely and crudely stuffed down your ravenous gullet, increasing the positive effects of that meal and hopefully negating any of the negative ones.

One last word on this, for you fatties- don’t include these feeding frenzies if you’re not already lean.  If you’re a fatass, you don’t deserve them from a mental standpoint and cannot really utilize them from a metabolic one.  As such, you’d be wise to steer clear until you can see some abs.  For guys, this means under 15%, tops.  For girls, that means… whatever the female equivalent of 15% is.  We’ll call it 25-27%.  If you can see abs, have at it- otherwise, wait until you can.  Additionally, if you find that cheat meals are either not helping, or they’re actually hurting, monkey with the timing, duration, and what you’re actually eating.  Should you find yourself in the aforementioned fatass category, limit yourself a bit in your Rampage- you’ve been on a years-long Rampage and it’s high time you exercised some self control.  Make sure you get your carbs, but keep the fats below 25% of your total calories while doing so.  Kill a couple of bags of Baked Lays and hit up Fuddruckers for a couple of Buffalo Burgers, maybe.  Remember- eye on the goddamned prize.


The rest of you… get ready.  Tomorrow we Rampage.

Arnold, Patrick.  A Steroid for Flu Prevention.  Muscular Development, 2/10/10, p. 276.

Berardi, John.  “Q & A with John Berardi.”  Iron Magazine.

Bowden VL and McMurray RG. Effects of training status on the metabolic responses to high carbohydrate and high fat meals. Int J Sport Nutr Exerc Metab. 2000 Mar;10(1):16-27.

Faigin, Rob.  Natural Hormonal Enhancement.  Cedar Mountain: Extique, 2000.

Hallfrisch J.  Metabolic effects of dietary fructose. FASEB. 1990; 4:2652-2660.

Matsumoto T, et al. Comparison of thermogenic sympathetic response to food intake between obese and non-obese young women. Obes Res 2001 Feb;9(2):78-85

McDaniel SS, Rensing NR, et al.  Epilepsis 2011;52:3(30), e7-11.

McDonald, Lyle.  A Guide to Flexible Dieting.  Taylorsville: McDonald, 2005.

McDonald, Lyle.  Ketogenic Dieting.

McDonald, Lyle.  Rapid Fat Loss.

Palumbo, David.  “Q&A with Dave Palumbo.”

Poehlman ET, et al. Genotype dependency of the thermic effect of a meal and associated hormonal changes following short-term overfeeding. Metabolism 1986 Jan;35(1):30-6.

Saitoh S, Matsuo T, Tagami K, Chang K, Tokuyama K, and Masashige Suzuki.  Effects of short-term dietary change from high fat to high carbohydrate diets on the storage and utilization of glycogen and triacylglycerol in untrained rats.  EUR J APP PHYS OCC PHYS; 74 (1-2):13-22

Sarkola T, Ericksson TJP.  Testosterone increases in men after a low dose of alcohol.  AL Clin Exper Res; 27 (4): 682-5.

Westrate JA, Hautvast JG.  The effects of short-term carbohydrate overfeeding and prior exercise on resting metabolic rate and diet-induced thermogenesis.  Metabolism. 1990. Dec;39(12):1232-9.

Willey, Warren.  Better Than Steroids.  Trafford: Pocatello, 2007.

Throwback Thursday: Apex Predator Diet #3, Dieting for Not So Fat Asses

Posted on: August 20th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

We’re taking it back to the old school once again with another installment of the Apex Predator Diet.  Enjoy!

The Not Too Fat, But Not Too Lean Approach  

This is what I used when I was between 12% and 8% bodyfat.  I could see two abs clearly and two a bit hazily at the beginning of this diet, and I followed this fairly strictly for about two months.  Once I started getting into single digits, I noticed myself getting hungrier and hungrier, and had to start eating more to maintain my bodyweight.  Additionally, once you get into the single digits (or middle double digits for chicks) you’ll find that your metabolism resembles the Israeli Killdozer- it crushes damn near anything in its path provided you have someone competent behind the wheel.  As such, this approach is going to alter slightly as you get leaner (should you wish to alter it).  I realize that some of you react like Luddites at a robotics convention when faced with changing a workout or diet if it’s still yielding results, and if you fall into that category stick with the more draconian approach until you hit the next stage of the diet.  For those of you who have less resolve for sticking with something than a meth addicted four year old white trash kid in the toy department at Wal-Mart, I recommend setting a hard start and stop point on the evolution of this phase of the diet to ensure that you make the progress you should.

This stage is not too much different than the previous one, except that I recommend only one day of Protein Sparing Modified Fasts and your Rampage day kicks in harder than a teenage erection at a Hustler party.  After you’ve made it to single digits, you may choose to drop the day of protein sparing modified fasts to ensure you don’t leave weight on the platform on training days and that you continue to make forward progress with your physique.  At some point, you’ll get lean enough that you’ll notice a very pronounced loss of aggression in the gym due to those days.  Additionally, once you hit single digits, I recommend adding a smaller second food meal midday.  This will help you stabilize your weight as you bring the diet home.

The Basics of the NTFBNTS Phase

Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday:

  • 5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight, which I’d leave on the toilet and chug while peeing) comprised of 40-60 grams of protein.
  • On two of these four days I typically substitute one shake at lunch with wings or other no-carb meat.  Once you hit single digit bodyfat, you can make this a four day affair.
  • On one of these days, try to fit in a protein sparing modified fast (i.e. consume nothing but protein shakes) until you hit single digits.  I recommend placing this day on Saturday, in between your Rampage and high-calorie keto days, so as to keep your metabolism stimulated and reap the benefits of alternate-day fasting.
  • 1500-3000 calories of fatty meat, preferably on the bone, in the evening.


  • 5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight).
  • Less calorically dense meat for dinner (t-bone, ribeye, or NY Strip steak, leaving the fattiest bits behind.  This is to ensure that you’re still cycling your calories, even if you’re skipping the protein sparing modified fast day.

Friday (Rampage Day):

  • Today is going to be characterized by medium- to low- (but not no-) carb meals throughout the day.  Restrict your meals to 50 grams of carbohydrates or less per meal, and keep your fat low to ensure carbohydrate reuptake.  This is the polar opposite of your typical day, so just bear in mind that your carbohydrates and fat should be inversely proportional at all but the Rampage meal.
  • Rampage!  This is going to be a three hour cheat window that I’ll detail in the next installment.


  • Higher calorie keto day.  Ensure that you eat two solid food meals on this day, preferably of fattier meat on the bone- think wings, ribs, chops, etc.
  • 5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight).

During this phase, you should be making progress like a fratboy with a sorostitute in his dorm room- you’re nearly there.  Unlike said fratboy, however, you’ll likely find rohipnol unnecessary, though you might benefit from the following:

  • Avoid doing cardio.  Though utilizing a CKD (Cyclical Ketogenic Diet) as opposed to a TKD should forestall muscle catabolism brought on by high volumes of work in the gym, aerobic exercise taxes your anaerobic substrates too heavily.(Duchaine 132)  Since this could lead to muscle loss, I’d avoid it.  For the forty three thousand rugby athletes who’ve emailed me about this diet (sweet Christ a lot of you like wearing striped shirts), you’ll want to follow the Whiny Bitch permutation of this diet, which is forthcoming.
  • Supplement with Chromium Polynicotinate or Vanadyl Sulfate.  Both minerals work to regulate your blood sugar and insulin levels, and might aid in training and recomposition as a result.(Duchaine 131)
  • Don’t skip or skimp on your Rampage day.  I cannot imagine a person actually doing so, but based on the emails I get, a lot of you do some tremendously stupid shit.  Don’t be one of those guys- Rampage like your name is King Kong once a week.  If you’re curious as to why, there’s a good reason- you cannot sustain high intensity training indefinitely in the total absence of dietary carbohydrates and expect to make continued progress.  You do have some glycogen resynthesis that naturally occurs as a result of weight training, though it’s relatively small.(McDonald KD 122)  As such, you need to hit the Rampage once a week to ensure you replenish glycogen stores.  Skipping or postponing your Rampage in this stage will, at best, make you miserable, and at worst, reduce or eliminate your gains.  Since this diet is all about being awesome, reducing your potential for awesome is counter-intuitive.
  • Consume stimulants.  They’ll fuel your workouts and they help establish and deepen your levels of ketosis.(McDonald KD 116)
    Additionally, amphetamines have been shown in recent studies to increase the effect of dopamine on your brain, which increases motivation for both physical and mental activities.(Ito) Happily for us, ephedrine, DMAA, and AMP Citrate act just like amphetamines, so feel free to make use of the wonderful bounties that lie on the shelves of your local supplement store (like Cannibal Ferox AMPed) for all of their faux-amphetaminy goodness.  You’ll be focused like a pedophile on a preschool playground when you hit the gym, find dieting easier, and generally be more awesome.  For those of you with heart problems, moral issues, religious issues, or simply think you’re better than the rest of us, feel free to abstain.  Stimulants, while not necessary on this diet, definitely help.
  • Drink if you want.  Though by no means necessary, and done to excess will screw up your gains, drinking can actually help you deepen your levels of ketosis (McDonald 115).  Alcohol itself gets converted to ketones in the absence of dietary carbohydrates, which means that it won’t fuck up your diet beyond replacing the ketones your body would produce from the conversion of stored bodyfat.  Thus, it can slow fat loss if done to excess, but will not destroy your ketogenesis.  This is, of course, assuming you stick to non-carbohydrate laden alcohol like vodka, gin, tequila, Everclear, etc.  Additionally, Robb Wolff recommends you drink as early as possible to allow the alcohol to clear your system before bedtime to avoid completely shutting down GH release overnight.  One of the best things you can consume, alcohol wise, on this diet is the disgusting old-timey gin and tonic, garnished with lime.  The lime juice blunts insulin release while the tonic water acts as a “non-polar solvent” that delivers the alcohol into your system faster (Wolff 138).  Wolff actually recommends the Crossfitters’ drink of choice, the NorCal Margarita, but it occurred to me as I wrote this that the drink of choice in the period of British Colonialism will do the job just as well, while additionally conferring resistance to malaria.  Thus, feel free to show up to your local gin bar rocking a monocle and a comically undersized safari outfit to cover all of your bases.  At the very least, you’ll annoy the holy fuck out of the hipsters drinking that vile bullshit, which makes it a victory no matter what.
Up next- a detailed description of your Rampage.
Sources:Duchaine, Dan.  Underground Bodyopus.

Ito R, Hayen A.  Opposing Roles of Nucleus Accumbens Core and Shell Dopamine in the Modulation of Limbic Information Processing.J Neuroscience. 2011 31(16):6001-6007McDonald, Lyle. Rapid Fat Loss.

McDonald, Lyle.  Ketogenic Diet.

Paleotards Are Doing It Wrong, Part Trois

Posted on: August 18th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
As I stated in the previous entry, there is some confusion as to what “type” of paleo one should choose.  That’s unsurprising, given that scientists seem to be even more divided on the topic than are the authors who tout the various types.  Thus, I feel fairly confident chiming in on the topic in spite of the fact that I don’t consider myself necessarily an advocate of a paleolithic diet, though it’s due in large part to the fact that paleotards are as intolerable as evangelical Christians and twice as misinformed.  The fact that they’re misinformed is not entirely their fault, however, due to the disparity in information coming from paleo authors, archaeologists, and scientists, however, and I would posit that the disagreements in the field arise out of two fundamental issues:

1) Geographical diversity.  Even in Europe, for instance, there’s avast difference in the native flora and fauna of, say, England, Spain, and Germany.  Each area, however, contained both Neanderthals and Cro-Magnon man, and both of those hominids shared similar diets.  Their diets would, however, have to have differed necessarily based on the food available to them at the time.  Thus, depending on the specimen studied, differing opinions about what is “paleo” might arise.  Some of them might have eaten more carbohydrate than others, and in Europe the “high carbohydrate specimens might have eaten grasses, berries, and turnips… but you know what none of them ate?  GODDAMNED SWEET POTATOES OR YAMS.  They’re indigenous to South America, and you know what a wild yam looks like?  Take a gander.

I have never seen the likes of that in a supermarket.
Given that everyone who I have ever met who claimed to eat paleo was white, the last goddamned thing on Earth they should be eating, save for a banana, is a yam or a sweet potato.  It’s far more likely that Cro-Magnon man and paleolithic European humans supplemented their diets with grasses, a couple of root vegetables like turnips and parsnips, and berries, which were at that time tiny, bitter, and about as impossible to duplicate in the modern world as the Valley Temple of Khafre.  Paleolithic man has existed in every corner of the world, so it would make much more sense to eat the “foods of your people” and wild vegetation as much as possible if you’d like to eat paleo.  Modern berries contain far too much sugar, bananas are basically just badly flavored sticks of sugar, and oranges were hard, inedible fruits in the paleolithic (Texas).  I encourage everyone out there to research their ancestral diets, as there seems to be something to eating the way your people did for millennia. One non-profit, Oldways, has won awards for the work they’ve done to this end- they assert that if you eat foods in line with your genetic heritage, you’ll be healthier, stronger, and less prone to chronic or degenerative disease.  If you check out their site, you’ll note Northern Europeans and Russians are conspicuously absent from the list, but they detail Mediterranean, Latin American, African, Asian, and Vegetarian Diets and Pyramids.
In spite of my nitpicking, I think the concept is definitely cool.
Frankly, lumping Asia into one group is fairly preposterous, as it spans everything from India to Korea and then back down to Southeast Asia, and they all eat markedly different things.  As I’ve already covered, the Indians would be remiss to skip meat eating if they were to eat an ancestral diet, as Indians at meat right up until the modern era, and Koreans would balk at eating a Chinese diet, so that’s fairly silly.  Oceania is also skipped, but I suppose the diversity of the diets ranging from New Zealand to the Aboriginal diet would be hard to cover in a single pyramid.  As for Northern Europeans, it might behoove you to consult this list, which comes from the Capitulary of Charlemagne de villis vel curtis imperii, a cookbook written in 800 AD, and details the vegetables under cultivation at that time.  Note that potatoes, tomatoes, and beans are conspicuously absent from the list because they arrived from elsewhere later in history (Bulit).
  • Eggplant
  • Cabbage
  • Artichokes
  • Eggplants
  • Carrots
  • Gourds
  • Melon
  • Parsnip
  • Swiss chard
  • Spinach
  • Leeks
  • Peas
  • Turnips
  • Cucumber
  • Chickpeas
  • Celery
  • Leeks
  • Peas
  • Lettuce
  • Garlic
  • Onions
  • Shallots

As for fruit, unless you’re picking wild strawberries, you’re pretty much limited to red currants, super tart apples (the closest thing you can get to an old school apple, pears, raspberries, black currents, and damsons, which are plum-like fruits with an apparently astringent taste.  As you can see, choices on a truly paleo diet are fairly limited.

2) Scientists all have an agenda.  It’s why they choose given fields- they spend their entire careers trying to prove a given hypothesis.  Some scientists want to go with the omnivorous theory, some want to prove that we have to eat carbs to be healthy, while still others want to portray humans as pure carnivores.  To say that they’re carnivorous opportunists just seems to be out of their reach, and since one of them seem to understand that no two geographic groups ate the same and thus there is no one golden paleo, they’re just busy confusing the hell out of everyone.

And while we’re at it– arrowroot is not strict paleo.  That shit has been in cultivation for 7,000 years in the Americas, and it requires extensive processing to obtain.  That’s not paleo.  According to Mark Sisson, it’s primal, but in terms of the strict definition of paleo, it’s not.  If you’re going for your ancestral diet, it’s especially not paleo unless you’re from the Caribbean.  Nevertheless, Robb Wolff posted a quote from Andrew Badenoch, “Paleo is a logical framework applied to modern humans, not a historical reenactment.”  As such, you should probably limit your arrowroot consumption, rather than include it in everything as I’ve seen some paleo chefs do.  In the event that you have a hankering for some biscuits, however, ol’ Robb has you covered- check out his recipe for biscuits and gravy here (though I’d throw some actual sausage in there for extra protein).

But, what about the news saying that cavemen ate carbs?

If you’ve been following the news, you might have noticed that the media has picked up on a study from the University College London that states that the paleo diet did, in fact, include carbohydrates.  This, of course, comes as a shock to no one, because no author of whom I’m aware have ever advocated a completely ketogenic diet as “paleo”  In fact, every paleo author of whom I’m aware advocates carbohydrate consumption in one form or another, using various sources like the ones I’ve listed above.  It seems obvious that early man would have been more concerned with filling his belly than maintaining his six-pack, and would be eating anything and everything that would help him stab various megafauna to death while banging some hot cave chick.

Similarly, you might have read a piece of trash so pants-shittingly insane it might as well have been co-written by Gary Busey and Nick Nolte on entitled “Scientists confirm the paleo diet is nonsense.”  In it, the author who clearly lacks a fact checker suggests that we all eat potatoes (which were considered unfit for human consumption in Europe until around the 17th century) because “cavemen and cavewoman ancestors loved—and needed—carbs as much as we do, even if they gathered them instead of cultivated them” based on the fact that “Examination of 3-million-year-old teeth and the plant-life in the regions where our ancestors lived also signal that they were eating tubers and other starchy vegetables” (Shanker).  The problem?  Modern humans are only about 200,000 old.  The hominid teeth being studied from 3 million years ago were australopithecines, which look like this:

Dunno about you, but none of my ancestors look like chimps.

From the above, you should be able to ascertain two things- one, my point about scientists having an agenda has been borne out, because that scientist blatantly lied about his findings.  Australopithecines aren’t even in our genus- saying we should eat like them is similar to saying whales should eat like deer, because they both descended from a common ancestor.  Mischievous, and deceitful.  Chicanerous and deplorable.  Two, the author from the Quartz doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the floor.  Oh, and that bit I mentioned about potatoes in Europe?

“Throughout Europe, potatoes were regarded with suspicion, distaste and fear. Generally considered to be unfit for human consumption, they were used only as animal fodder and sustenance for the starving. In northern Europe, potatoes were primarily grown in botanical gardens as an exotic novelty. Even peasants refused to eat from a plant that produced ugly, misshapen tubers and that had come from a heathen civilization. Some felt that the potato plant’s resemblance to plants in the nightshade family hinted that it was the creation of witches or devils” (Chapman).

So, we’re still working toward which paleo diet is right for you, which I will hit up in the next segment of this series.  Till then, eat a steak with some parsley on it- that should do you for veggies.


Bulit, Jean-Marc.  Vegetables in Medieval Europe.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Chapman, Jeff.  The impact of the potato.  History Magazine.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Knapton, Sarah.  Paleo diet should include carbohydrates to be authentic, say scientists.  Telegraph.  15 Aug 2015. Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Shanker, Deena.  Scientists confirm that the Paleo diet is nonsense.  Quartz.  13 Aug 2015.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Texas oranges history.  TexaSweet.  Web.  16 Aug 2015.

Grimmtano’s Great American SARMs Experiment

Posted on: August 14th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

Grimmtano, one of our occasional contributors and fellow Hooligan, penned the following 7 week trial of the various SARMs, and his results were impressive to say the least.  Check it out.



As the resident “bro” of the site, it should be noted that I do not share the same zeal for training as my contemporaries.  I write on history, gaming, and whatever strikes my fancy but I leave the record making to my betters in that regard.  While I am not nearly as sad as the fat man wearing the extra small Under Armor T-shirt napping on the leg press machine, I simply have not gone at my physical training nearly as hard after my back surgery a few years ago.  Do not mistake this as an intro into a sad tale of life setbacks and all that other emotional bullshit that every lifter seems to want to put into their writings these days;  I just found shooting pistols for sport and fucking big booty broads more interesting and time consuming than being a gym bum for a year.  Of course, comfort takes the bite out of any animal after a while and it makes me moody and frustrated so strength training had to be thrown back into the mix.  Coincidentally, Chaos and Pain decided to come out with a SARMS product line.  So, in the down time between my next history article, I decided to layout my experience with their SARMS, specifically GW-1516 and LGD-4033.  Do note that while I write for this site, my review of products is not influenced by my association.  I call it like I see it and if I feel a product isn’t anything special, I express that opinion.  Fortunately for you, Jamie and Wayne appreciate my candid, occasionally tactless, nature.  So let’s get to it.
 As I’m in the middle of moving, my scale has been packed away along with much of my other equipment.  Seeing that my first dose started on 25 June 2015 and I didn’t do a weight check then, I will be using photos and “feel” to document any body composition changes.  Frankly, that’s probably for the best as seeing fluff come off in photos is much better than reading some guy’s random scale number.  My lifts, on the other hand, are easier to document as I’ve essentially been cruising on easy mode in the gym for the most part of the year; I’ve not done a squat or bench over 315 or a deadlift over 365 in months.  Yea, I quit life, bro, at least in the gym.  My starting numbers for the prime lifts were:
Squat: 315
Bench: 305
Deadlift: 365
“Pains” that I’m having prior to beginning the cycle are a soreness to the bottom of my right patella and a tightness in the right side of my back.  They do not prevent my training but they are to be noted.  I did not opt to undertake a strict cutting diet due to knowing that I’m just not going to be able to stick to one without having access to most of my funds (moving).  However, when I do eat, I try to make protien my priority and carbs minimal until the weekend;  basically, a lazy apex predator diet.  
 The First Seven
From 25 June to 28 June,  I freeballed in the gym just to get a non-maximal  baseline number on my lifts and get my head back into training.  Unlike the no name SARM logs I came across on  online forums  proclaiming instant strength gains and extra cock vascularity within a day of taking LGD, I didn’t notice  a damn thing in terms of strength nor did I expect to.  What was noticeable was an increase in workout endurance around day 2 or 3.  In weeks prior, my best workouts were usually only performed when under the influence of a pre workout (shift work makes for bad sleeping).  As the week moved on, I found myself requiring less caffeine and  hitting my training harder.  GW has the “exercise in a bottle” tagline and I feel that may be the case.  My alertness and overall willingness to keep going in the gym increased.  Training on days where I slept well and took Ferox and AMP would lead to 2+ hour sessions that should have ended at 45 mins but I was just having fun.  My appetite started to increase over the week.  I’m not sure if I can attribute this to the SARMS or just the increased activity but who cares?!  Ribs and tits; I eats it; roll it!
Week 2: That Giggity Feel 
2 Jul 2015 (8th day)
This was the first day that  the strength gain became noticeable but the standout was the endurance by far.   Training for the day:
Hammer MTS v-squat: 90*10/10/10, 130*6, 190*6, 230*4, 290*3, 330*3, 390*2/3/3/1/1/3/3
Hamstring Curls 6*15-65 lbs, 85 lbs*8/8/8, 95 lbs*6/
Overhead press: 95*warmup:
BTN: 135*5, 185*3, 205*2
Front: 135*5, 185*4, 205*2, 225*1/1/1
Hammer MTS shoulder press: 6*12 60 lbs.  /80/100/120*3*amap
Elliptical* 15mins
I did not intend to train this much but when on a roll, roll it.  I passed out after eating 3 lbs of beef ribs.
 3 July 2015 (9th) (Work day)
Training had to be condensed into a 30 minute work break with little warmup and that probably was not the best thing for some nagging joints.  However, I can’t complain after leaving the weight room with a shoulder and arm pump that made getting my shirt off a pain in the ass.  I completed these exercises in a circuit with about 1 min rest intervals (90 secs tops).  
Lat Pulldown: 6xamap 105
BTN Press: up to 225x3x1 Klokov 135x8x5
Flat Bench Machine Press: 355x5x5-6
*I average 5 km of walking just doing my regular job and that’s on a light day.  While I don’t factor that into the gym work, I feel it should be noted.
4th July 2015 (10th day- Work)
*Apparently, Google Docs didn’t save my log entry on the 4th. The gist of the session:
Bench press: up to 315*3*1, 265*6*3
Dips: 6*12-15
Standing ab curls: 6*10 121 lbs
5th Jul 2015 (11th day)
*I took a break; I ate pork; I got laid; I was content
6th Jul 2015 (12th day)
Front Squat: up to 205*2 + Light Klokov 95* sets of 8-10
Deadlifts: up to 395*1
Farmers’ walk: 5 laps 140lbs
Hammer shoulder press: up to (per side) 90*10/10 115*7/7 140*4/4
Standing calf: 6*amap 105lbs
Incline treadmill: 10min 3/6 mph intervals
 *This was one of those days where I had to accept that the body doesn’t always want to do what I want it to do and I just have to find the thing it wants to do. My lower back was stiff and no amount of warmup was loosening it up. However, I still got in a decent amount of work and I’m sure that will lead to better lifts another day. Visually, others are beginning to comment that I am leaning up and I’m starting to notice thickness around my shoulders myself.
 7th Jul 2015 (13th day)
Overhead press: 135*6, 155*6, 185*3, 205*2, 225*1, 245*1, 255*5*1, 225*2/2/2
Klokov 135*5/5/5/5
Curls: 70*7/7/6/7/6/7/5
Standing abs strap: 6*8 121
Dips: 10/10/10/10/10/
Pec flys: 90*10/8/8/6
 *Lower back and knees sore; this was probably the sorest I’ve been. Opted for the overhead work instead of the squat or row and hit some training PRs. I may need to up my food intake as yesterday and today have been tiring sessions. However, that could also be the heat and just the usual highs and lows of training. 

Observation: My lifts are improving steadily.  However, I feel that I’ve hit the area where I don’t “notice” the effects of the SARMS as dramatically as before.  That doesn’t mean they are doing their job; it just means that I’m growing accustomed to them as one would with any substance.  My training sessions are still longer than my average ones for the past year.

 8th Jul 2015 (14th day-On Shift)
**I probably slept no more than 3 hours after staring at the ceiling and sleep banging the ol’ lady to knock myself out.  Why jerk off when you can just roll over, am I right?  We’ll see how the day goes and I’ll see if I can get a quickie session in after work.  I want to get my 8-9hrs in tonight so I’m not smashed working tomorrow.
 9th Jul 2015
Hammer shoulders press:  140lbs*5/5/5/5
Hammer Leg Curls: 100lbs *6/5/5/5/5 75lbs*8/7
Leg Extensions: 50* 5*10
Calf raises(stretch in the bottom):  6*110*amap
Back extension machine: 6*amap 220
 *Coming down the stairs this morning and climbing them at work made my right patella act up to a point where I briefly considered pulling out of work and heading to the doctor to hear him tell me nothing of worth and pass me painkillers. After speaking to Jamie about it, it could be my foot position in my squat affecting me. Today’s training was just to get some work in on the area without stressing it too much and also because all the racks were taken so I couldn’t squat anyway; that’s probably for the best. If I’m not called in for overtime tomorrow,  I’ll see how it feels in the morning and get some light squats in. As for the heavy, it’s between bench and deadlifts…maybe overhead. I like overhead; I shouldn’t but I do. Fuck it. Let tomorrow decided what tomorrow will be.
 10th Jul
Iso-lat incline press: 3*12-15 
Hammer pulldowns: 3*12-15
Pendlay rows: 6*3 225
*Despite my knee, I was feeling pretty good. Unfortunately, the gym was packed with every rack taken. I manage to get into the room with the bumper plates and have my workout cut off because they closed the room and put me out…yea, I’m about to cut the funds off to this gym in the coming months. My headphones broke on my last set as well which just killed the whole affair. I could have done some machine work but I just don’t fucking want to do it. I’m off so I’ll bang in the morning. 
 11th Jul
Bench: 265*3/3/3/3/3/3  275*3/3 285*1
MTS Hammer Shoulder Press:: 80*12 90*3*10
Ab strap: 143lbs 6/6/5/4 110lbs*12
Cable curls: 70**6/6/6/
*I have come off my drug high.  What I mean by that is that because I’m on an assistant, I want to go wild every session.  My body, on the other hand, has reminded me that I’m not Superman and reining in some enthusiasm is probably the best option for longevity.  Today was a “do work” day and it was solid.  I have a few ideas on how I want to manage my training in terms of just focusing on the push/pull and trying to pattern it around this gym’s heavy traffic times.
 12th Jul
Beach day: hung out with new dog and the ol’ lady for a much needed tan. Farmer’s tan just isn’t sexy.
**Adjustment: went to gym anyway. Fuck it. Gains.
Strict press(5 chin up between sets) up to 205*1/1/1 185*2/3/2/2/2
Rack pull (just below knee): singles of 365- didn’t track count as they were fast
Hammer leg curl: 50lbs*5*10
Back hypers: 5*amap
15 min Elliptical
 **My lower body has been squirrelly most of this cycle and I didn’t really want to come in today.  But since I was in the neighborhood for food anyway, I felt I should do something to earn the meal.  My pulls feel foreign right now.  I’m having to repeat simple shit in my head like keeping my chest up since I haven’t done them in forever.  As I won’t be doing much squatting until my knee sorts itself out, I’ll get plenty of practice in the rack and full pulls this week and the following.  
 13th Jul
Machine decline press: 135 per side 6/7/7/7/7/7
Mach. Shoulder Press: 115 per side 6/6/6/6/6/6
Mach. Rows: 150*6 170*6/6/6/6/6
Klokov: 135*6/6/6/6 185*3/2/3 135*4/4
Deltiod fly: 80*6*10
Standing Calf raise: 140*6*10
**This was just a sexy flexy day; got in and banged around creeping on yoga booties and making weird faces in the mirror; pretty sure people got pregnant.
Squat: worked up to 295*1/1/1/1
Shrugs;  455*2/2/3/3/2/2
Cable row: 121*6*amap
Hamstring curl: 2*15
**ended up lifting near midnight from an already long day. My knee is still sore but not as badly so I have it a little work today. I opened my feet up and widened my stance a bit more and it felt better. However, I won’t know until tomorrow when I wake up and feel if my knee hates me again. Not a great day but got some in. 
AM training:
Klokov 6*8 115
Hammer ISO high row: 100 per side 8/8/9 125*6/6/6
Bench: 315*1, 320*3*1, 285*2/2/2/3
Shoulder Press 90 3*8
Curls 3-5* amap
Deadlifts: 315*2/2/3/2/3/3/2/1/1/1
High Pulls:  up to 225*6*2
Curls 3*amap 95
Barbell ab roll: 225*3*amap
**Rush session as I had an appointment to meet but I wanted to get some in before it was too late in the day.  
 Final week of Training on GW/LGD (Wk 4)
Up to this point, I’ve only logged thoughts on individual sessions.  The thought that popped into my head at the end of the session yesterday for this cycle is how much a year off can let things slide away and getting back up the hill to where you were seems harder than it should be.  I’m 8 days without a break in training, half my body hurts and I’m plain fucking tired.  Outside of major injury, anything that could make the cycle suboptimal has occurred: poor food, poor funds, housing moves, animals waking me at night with their bullshit, etc.  Despite all this, I probably wouldn’t be handling the load as I am now without the SARMS.  I’ve not needed much in preworkout (thankfully, since I’ve not the cash); while my big lift numbers aren’t blowing my mind, the amount of work I get into many of my sessions has been fairly high.  Strength gain has been a more incremental gain instead of a dramatic one; now that I have a good feel on how these compounds work on me, a change in thought process is warranted.  I was expecting massive jumps in numbers so I intended to jump after singles from the start.  Clearly, my knee and back weren’t having that shit.  So, if you haven’t noticed in the last 3-4 sessions, I’ve altered my approach for the final week and the PCT.  On the days that I work 12hr shifts, I’ve not the time to get any real work in or to even warm up for it.  Those sessions essentially have to be the warm up for the next one or none at all; therefore, most of the bodybuilding work will happen there.  On my off days, if I can get in early, the AM will mirror the work day one.  The PM will be the barbell work and kept short and to the point.  The basic format will be based of the CNP DTO book.  I feel that doing things this way will allow me to narrow my focus and get in some needed active and inactive recovery.  After all, I’ve still another 5 weeks to go.  Anyway, I’m moving this weekend so back to the suck.   
Hamstring curls/lat fly 6*amap
Front squat (l) 3*8 95
Back Squat (l) 3*8 155
Push Press:  (m) 185*4*6/*2
Pec fly: 100*6*10-12
Cable curl: 60*10/10/8/6
Reverse Hyper: 50*amap to warmup
Ham curl: 60* amap to warmup
Bench: 275*3/3/3/3/3/3
Klokov: 135*6/6/6/6/6
Bodyweight ab/ low back work
Hammer Shoulder press: 70*3*8-10; 90*8/8/8 115*6/6/6
Ham curl: 90*6/7/7/8/7
T bar row: 135*6/7/7/ 160*6 190*5/5
Shrugs: up to 545*1/2; 495*2/2/3/3/3/4/3/3/3 315*10/8/6
Curl and press: 95lbs x 3x amap
Dips 5*15
Elliptical: 10 min moderate resistance
21st: off
**Lifting has been solid over the past few days.  My knee has calmed down a lot and I’m working with my chiro on my back tightness.  We’ve finally moved the bulk of things into our new house and while funds will take a few weeks to stabilize again (gotta get lawn care, washer/dryer, yada yada), I’ll be able to focus more on my nutrition and tighten things down for the PCT coming up in a couple of days.  With the myriad of factors that made this cycle sub-optimal, I have to say that the SARMS have made a noticable impression in my physical appearance and my training output.  They are not a instant “Hulk” compound but the steady gain is there and if you are someone that is planning on staying with the iron for the long term, I feel they are definitely something to consider adding to the cabinet;  But we’ll see if my opinion holds up after the PCT.
Hammer Shoulder 45*3*20 70*2*10
Angled leg press: 45s (7plates per side) 6*6
Rack pull: up to 405*1/1/1 365*3/3/3
Cable row: 187*6*8
Standing ab: 110*10+; 121*10+; 143*3*6
Dip: 3*12
Cable curl: 3*12
Cardio: 25 mins
Back raises: sets of 15-20
Dips: 45lbs*4*10
Bench: up to 315*3*1 225*3*6
Btn press: up to 245*1, Klokov 155*3/3/3
Good morning: 115*6/6
Flys, curls, calves, misc work
Ham curls/lat pulldown: amap until warmup
Pendlay row: 135*4*5, 185*2*3, 205*3, 225*3/4/5/4/ 245*2/3/2
High pull (clean grip): 135*5/3 185*3, 225*2/3, 245*1, 265*2, 275*1/1
Bottom squat Klokovs: sets of 5 up to 95*6/6, 115*2/3, 135*1/2/3/1, 3 standing
Cable row: 209*6*6
Standing ab: 121*6*amap
Back Extensions: 10/12, 10lbs *10/10/12
**Trained someone…light day just doing what the individual was doing.
Bench: up to 275*3, 285*3/3/3/4
Machine shoulder press: 90*2*10, 100*10, 120*10/10/10/10
Back Extensions: 6*15
Elliptical: 15min
Back Ext: 3*10
Close grip bench: 225*5*5
Back Squat: 315*4; Jump Squat: 115*8/5/5/5/
RDL: up to 335*3*2, 365*4*1
Klokov: up to 155*3/3/3/3
Back Extension: 3*10
Good morning: 95*3*6
Strict press: 95*3*6, 135*3, 155*3, 185*2, 205*1, 
Push press: 225*8*2
Snatch high pull 135*3*5, 185*3/3, 205*2, 225*2/2, 135*3*5
Dips 6*amap (12)
Calves 6*amap (22)
Elliptical 10 mins
Power clean + strict press (1+2) up to 185*3sets
Push press from rack + pause jerk (1+1) up to 235*3 sets
Pause Front squat (3-5secs)+front squat 135, 185, 225, 245, 265, 275, 275, 245, 245, 245
Jump squat: 95* 10,5,6,5,5,5,5, 
Back Extension: 3*12
 Aug 1st
**I am currently into the first few days of the Cannibal Alpha; my lifts are still improving and many of my aches have chilled the hell out.  This training cycle has really felt like rebuilding a house that has fallen into disrepair.  That had a humbling effect to it once I realized it; After a few days and watching a Vice doc on Wim Hof, I found some relief in it as well.  I understood that I shouldn’t be rushing anything.  I’m not in competition with anyone and there’s no reason to push certain movements to the point I injure myself and be setback for weeks.  Once the “pressure” that was in my head was let go, I started to just have fun lifting and mixing things up.  The last week is an example of that as I’ve added movements I haven’t done in years.  I haven’t done a clean or high pull since my back surgery and Front squats haven’t been higher than 185 tops so getting them in the other day was pleasure.  I’m debating getting up in the morning and adding in bagwork for cardio.  The bag will wear you the hell out quickly and it’s more entertaining than just using an elliptical.  However, I live 35-40mins from the gym so pulling double days are dependant on gas and me getting my ass up on my off days (sleep is good…and stuff).    I’m going to pick up some knee sleeves as soon as some funds come in; the move has been brutal and to be honest, I’m not really happy with the new spot but the papers are signed so I just have to bear it for the year.  I have 6mb internet at my new place…yea, it’s that bad.  First world problems but fuck you, I live in the first world and run content in the first world so it’s a damn problem haha.  Twitch is likely out and Youtube is going to be a chore.  But this does leave time in my schedule for training so spending the year seeing what this body can do isn’t time wasted; there may even be more benefits to it than the obvious.
 1 Aug 
Klokov’s: up to 185*1, 165*2/2/2/2/1/1
Shrugs: up to 405*5/4/4/4/4/3
Curl+Press: 115*5*3-5
Standing ab: 110*4×14
 2 Aug
Off (Forgot gear and had to get home to let dog out)
 3 Aug
Back ext: 30lbs *3*10
Back squat: up to 335*1, 295*2/2/2
Snatch Grip Romanian DL: sets of 2 up to: 315*2/2/1/2/2/2/2
Snatch high pull: 135*2*5, 185*3*5
Klokov: 135*2*5, btn pp 185*3-4 amap till burnt out
Leg curl: 50*3*10-12 (hams were eaten up on the Romanians lol)
 4 Aug
Back Ext: 4*10-15
Reverse Bench: sets of 5 to 245, 265, 275*1/1/2/3/2, 225
Incline Bench: sets of 6 to 205, 225*3, 245*1 (not a max; just bored of benching now)
Hammer Row (plate loaded) 135*6*amap
Standing ab 143*2*6, 121*2*8, 110*2*9
Dips(bw) 56 reps total (cramping in mid right side lol)
Calf: 120*amap 6 sets
Klokov: 135*4/3/3
Jacobs ladder: 10 mins
**Jacobs ladder sucks ass…but it’s brutal so gotta do it!
 5 Aug
Ham curl: 25*2*15, 50*2*10, 75*2*10
Back ext (bw) 3*15
Machine Fly: 100*20, 130*15, 160*10, 200*3*8
Mil press: up to 185*1, push press: 225*2/2/1/2/1/1/2/1/1/1
Shrugs: up to 445*3*2/2/3 (not feeling the shrug today) 315*7/7
Klokov: 115*7/7/7 135*4*4
 6 Aug
**I really wasn’t feeling training yesterday.  I was tired and I’m surprised I did anything worth a damn.  At the moment, I’m going off 4 hours or less sleep and I’m kinda passing out at the keyboard.  I’ll admit it…I miss the GW, haha.  Feel free to donate to the preworkout fund because work day lifting is a sleepy affair once more.  I think I’m just going to do arms today.  It’s early in the morning so I may change my mind later but judging how I feel at the moment, today may just be bi and tri.  Fuck it; not mad at bigger wings to fly into the Danger Zone!  Ha!  I’m thinking deadlifts this weekend.  It’s been a while.
Leg Curls: 50*2*15, 60*10, 85*3*6
Klokov 95, 135
Incline press: 
 7 Aug
 8 Aug
Back ext: 3*10
Deadlift: (2 pull to knees+1 full pull) 135, 185, 225,275
(Full pull) 315, 365, 405*2*1, 415*2*1
Snatch Rdl: up to 275*5*3
Fly: 110*20, 160*5*10-15
Calfs: 120x6xamap
**Good day and I can’t complain about progress.  
 9 Aug
 10 Aug
Leg Curl: 50*2*10, 60*2*10
Kloks: 115lbs, 135lbs
Machine Rows
Shoulder Press
**Didn’t log the weight/reps as this is a complete tossed together Monday worknight session. The real work is together; this is just greasing the wheel
  Also, running after being on your feet all day fucking blows; I’m not doing that again!
 11 Aug
Good morning: 4*10
Push press: 195 6*3
Snatch Rdl: up to 365*1/1
Clean Rdl:365*2/2/1/1/1
High pull: 155*4*5
Shoulder press: up to 150*6
**think I was in the sun way too long today; I felt terrible, sweating like a dog and just worn out. That’s what I get for forgetting my Nuuns.
 12 Aug
 13 Aug
**Deads: 415… up 50 pounds in under a month and a half!
   Squat: 335 Front: 275… up 20 pounds
   Bench: 320… up 15 pounds
   Press: 255
I haven’t been actively testing maxes. I typically just go in and pull to a training max for the day. These numbers are an improvement over what I started with for sure. 
Front Squat: up to 295/ 235*2/2/2/2
Press:  up to 235/225*3*1-2 195*2*3
T-bar row: 3 45lbs plates for 6×8
**this is the last time I do Mr. Hyde. I don’t get energy from it. I just get a lot of sweating and a headache. I need my Ferox back.. Fucking hell…
14 Aug 2015
So it’s been seven weeks and overall, my strength has improved.  I’ve not surpassed my best since the surgery nor am I on par with my former numbers.  But I’m not eating, sleeping or training like I did back then either so that’s a given.  But every session is an improvement and those numbers aren’t that far off anymore.  Looking at the record, I’ve noticed I’m taking more off days now than I was during the sarm cycle.  Some of that is just life getting in the way but a few of those are “I just don’t fucking want to.”  You have less of those days when you’re on cycle for sure and there may have been more if I wasn’t on Alpha; who knows, right?  
I don’t expect a drastic change in a week on my training PR numbers so there’s no need to hold off on my opinion of the sarms/alpha.  I like them.  I didn’t notice any physical side; depending on the lift, my poundage rose from 20lbs to 50lbs from previous standings.  DId I shatter world records or even my own?  No.  The increase in strength was not dramatic and I’d gone pretty far into the sedentary lifestyle that it’s gonna take time to be decent again, especially with a sore knee and angry back.  But I don’t have a problem with that.  I’m moving weight I haven’t moved in a long time and I’m enjoying it, mostly.  As I didn’t change my diet or much of anything before taking the sarms, I highly doubt my experience was placebo.  I love the GW most of all.  The energy from that was probably the most valuable to me and of the three, that will become a mainstay.  I plan on doing a triple stack next time with strict diet and sleep times as the hustle from the house move has finally started to settle (and money is showing back up in my bank account).  Everything about this trial run was sub-optimal but the product itself did not disappoint and I look forward to using them again.  I hope my experience is helpful to you.  Check them out.  They are worth the look.

Baddest Mofos Ever- “Judo” Gene LeBell

Posted on: August 13th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
Now that is a metal face.

Growing up, I had two martial arts heroes- Stephen Seagal and Jean Claude Van Damme.  Sadly, Van Damme, all 155 lbs of coke-fueled, stripper groping, splits-doing idiot of him, got beating like a housewife in a trailer home by Hell’s Angel-turned-bouncer Chuck Zito, and around the same time, Seagal was literally forced to piss his pants by a 58 year old man- the incomparable, unbeatable, innovative, and crueler than Vlad the Impaler, “Judo” Gene LeBell.  According to the stories, Gene was working on the set of Out for Justice when Seagal started mouthing off like he was a frat boy in an 18 and over bar, claiming that due to his aikido training, he was immune to chokes.  LeBell, who was aware of Seagal’s shitty reputation (“he would hurt actors and stunt performers, dislocated shoulders, kick guys in the nuts to see if they were wearing cups, etc”) proceeded to immediately choke out Seagal and manipulate acupuncture points so that Seagal shit and pissed himself (Mancini,  Not bad for a who’s 58 year old in a pink gi… not bad at all.  After all, he had to contend witht the likes of this absolute beast of a fighter:

And while it’s known that LeBell really enjoys embellishing his stories, you have to see how long he holds his chokes to truly appreciate what a mean motorscooter Gene is.  I mean, these demo chokes are so brutal you wonder what he’d do in an actual fight- would he pop the guy’s head off and put it on his mantle?  I would say that is highly likely.

Never have I ever seen a person get choked so tightly that he couldn’t even lift his arm to tap… but it’s not like Gene gave a hairy rat’s ass, anyway.

The man who might be considered one of the baddest man to throw ever throw fists with giant, jacked, hairy lumberjack-looking sonsofbitches who rode the bull they rode into the ring on was born in 1932 in Los Angeles, of all places.  After he presumably choked his mom half to death with his own umbilical cord, he waited a few years and began training under one of the most feared men in catch wrestling, Ed “The Strangler” Lewis.  Either his parents dripped with testosterone like a 1980’s era Randy Savage, or they were the most irresponsible parents ever, because 1) the man is called “The Strangler”, and 2) the style being taught to a 7 year old was one in which ” grappling, strangling, limb twisting, head butting, punching, kicking, biting and even eye gouging were legal” (Potenza).

Robinson is the one about to unload the world’s craziest haymaker on mega-badass Jake Lamotta’s face.

After four years of eye gouging and strangling, the dude decided to learn boxing from boxing legend “Sugar” Ray Robinson and a few years later trained in styles that were virtually unknown in the US at the time- shit like kenpo, Taekwondo, and Shotokan.  After mastering that insane list of styles, Gene went back to his crazy brutal strangling groups and moved to Japan to learn Judo and Jiu Jutstu, the sports in which he’s a living legend.  By the time he was 59, this master of the choke had earned the rank of 9th Dan in jujitsu and taihojutsu (which is basically a style designed by the Japanese feudal police to kill armed criminals). Finally, at 73 the man in in the pink gi was promoted to the sport that made him famous: 9th Dan in Traditional Judo (Gene LeBell).  

Going absolutely HAM.

You’d think the man basically did nothing but train martial arts all day, but you’d be wrong: he was a Hollywood stuntman with 246 stunt credits to his name, 130 small acting roles, and 9 goddamned books.  The dude must never sleep, because that list exhausted me to read.  Oh, did I also mention he fought in what is erroneously referred to as America’s first MMA fight (rough and tumble predated it by century)?  According to Gene, “It was the first televised MMA match. It was billed as pitting a judo, karate and wrestling guy against the No. 5 light-heavyweight boxer. I was known mostly for judo because I’d won the Nationals a few times, but I’d also done boxing, wrestling, karate, taekwondo and kenpo, mixing them together before it was popular.”  Prior to the fight, Gene threatened to take his opponent Milo Savage’s eye out during the fight, and it just escalated from there.  Gene’s hands got nerfed when he was told he couldn’t punch (presumably because he’d have committed a murder in the ring, and then Savage entered the ring covered in Vaseline (Fightland).  Not that it mattered- when he won the fight in the fourth round by choke, “the ref, who was also the doctor, didn’t know how to resuscitate him with katsu. After he’d been out for 20 minutes, my coach went in and revived the guy. The next morning, the newspaper headlines said, ‘The Savage Was Tamed'” (Young).

By the way, did I mention he wrled a bear?  Must’ve slipped my mind because it’s so commonplace.

By now, you have to be wondering how he trained, and you will not be disappointed.  LeBell was basically like a proto Steve Justa, only without the terrible singing, overall look of a hobo, fat gut, and sleeveless flannel shirts.  For fight training and conditioning, LeBell likes six hour workouts of a combination of striking, grappling, and general cardio work… which is insane on a scale I can hardly conceive (Salzano).  As for weight lifting, Gene thought it was incredibly boring, which makes sense given his ridiculously diverse resume.  Instead, Gene would do something called the “Tire Toss”, an exercise that made him so strong that he was often disqualified from judo tournaments by pussies who thought he was using too much strength.  Awwwwwww… isn’t it adorable when pussies get into positions of power and jam up their betters?  Described as being like the Incredible Hulk, Gene’s method for building strength went like this- he’d snatch a 1950’s motorcycle tire, then throw it as far as he could.  He’d do that for the length of a football field, celebrate by throwing the tire over the goal post, and then turn around and head back the way he came in the same manner (Founding Member).  SHEER BRUTALITY.  

You have got to love a guy who writes an autobiography called “The Toughest Man Alive.”

Because nothing I could possibly say about this man beats this story, I’ll leave you with this little bit of awesome.  The back ground to this story is that there was an inexperienced female ref working a fight between Gene’s protege, Ronda Rousey, and an inexperienced fighter who’d only been training for six months.

“So Ronda get’s the gal down and upside down, gets an armbar. And you can see on the film where the gal was tapping, giving up, tapping out, and the referee was just standing there and looking. And I’m screaming “roll her over and break her arm!” and of course she does what Uncle Gene tells her to do, and that was that. It made it look a little bit better, but you don’t want to hurt a kind person if you don’t have to…….unless it makes you feel good” (Judo Gene).



Fightland Staff.  Roots of Fight brings us the story of “Judo” Gene LeBell– MMA pioneer and terrifying old man.  Vice.  3 Dec 2013.  Web.  13 Dec 2015.–mma-pioneer-and-terrifying-old-man

Gene LeBell.  Wikipedia.  Web.  12 Aug 2015.

Gene LeBell, Founding Member of Black Belt.  American Martial Arts Movement.  Web.  13 Aug 2015.

Judo Gene LeBell talks Kimura, Rousey, Elvis, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee.  Wrestling Observer.  23 Dec 2014.  Web.  13 Aug 2015.

Mancini, Vince.  A famous story about Steven Seagal peeing himself.  Uproxx.  pr 2011.  Web.  12 Aug 2015.  Gene LeBell talks Steven Seagal s—-ing himself.  Mixed Martial  Web.  12 Aug 2015.—-ing-himself/

Potenza, John.  The Original No Holds Barred Fighting.  Snke Pit USA.  2012.  Web.  12 Aug 2015.

Interview: Johnny Bonnett of Black Center Tactical and Tactical Sekt

Posted on: July 30th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
This interview was conducted by guest contributor Max James, a Hooligan and door kicker for Chino Tactical.

The Rise of Tactical Schools

Training comes in all shapes and sizes—though perhaps not as central to a modern lifestyle as traditional gym work, much can be learned from tactical training and education. Such training provides not only a different approach to physicality, but an expansive and practical skill set which allows the student an extra dimension of self-determination and security. With this in mind it comes as no surprise that schools which specialize in tactical and survivalist courses have boomed in the last decade, offering civilians a wide range of classes covering everything from hand to hand combat to gun fighting, as well as specialized regional survival and military tactics. Previously reserved for law enforcement and military personnel, the public has grown more and more interested in learning the skills necessary for survival outside of current society. But how did we get here?

Survivalists are not exactly a new phenomenon—in fact, as common sense would indicate, people tend to become survivalists in response to potential world altering disasters. As early as the late nineties Y2K scare people began to stockpile supplies of every kind, including medical equipment, nonperishable foods, and weapons. While at face value a fear response like this may seem extreme, early survivalists have given way to a very legitimate subculture: preppers. Preppers are the newest wave of survivalists who, as the term suggests, prepare for potential disasters by stockpiling necessary goods and training for possible doomsday scenarios.

This is where tactical schools come in—for many, mere material preparation is not enough. After all, what good are knives and rifles without a fully developed knowledge of their use and functionality? However, to assume that everyone interested in acquiring that knowledge is a prepper is no longer accurate. While preppers no doubt champion the need for combat education, more and more average people turn to these institutions; as the social and political climate of the country intensifies a greater number of people are beginning to take their personal security into their own hands, the mindset being that it is better to have and not need than to need and not have.

My tactical education came from my time in the Army. I attended basic training, as all soldiers do, and from there my training advanced as I went through school to be a 31B MP. The roll of the MPs was to provide additional support to infantry units in Iraq and Afghanistan—Infantry units would move into a location, do their work, and leave. We would roll in and hold the area, provide security, and occasionally take locations ourselves. My tactical training was actually put to the test, and I trusted it. It kept me alive.

This brings me back to the matter at hand—tactical schools, specifically those run by true combat veterans over civilians. I firmly believe that a combat veteran can teach a civilian more thoroughly and accurately than a civilian can teach their peers. Why? Because their training has also been put to the test. Most civilians who run their own establishments never encounter the pressure that accompanies the training. This pressure is crucial, it’s what separates an untested theory from a proven strategy, and it’s severely lacking in civilians who are not put into situations which demand the use of their knowledge. Enter veteran-run school Black Center Tactical.

How does this connect to Chaos and Pain? Chaos and Pain is not just a supplements and swag line. It’s not just a brand or a trend. Chaos and Pain is about pushing the envelope in everything you do—from lifting and fighting to guns, gear and everything else. Whatever you pursue, you should own it and fucken destroy it. Chaos and Pain is about being the best, and Black Center Tactical has rightly earned its reputation as one of the best. We’ve had the privilege of interviewing the founder of Black Center Tactical, Johnny Bonnett—a fellow veteran and respected gun fighting instructor.

So Cal resident Johnny Bonnett is a former Marine with a self-professed love for tattoos, guns, cats, and music. A true renaissance man, Bonnett not only educates the public in self-defense, but also owns and operates Custom Kydex Holster Company and plays in well-known industrial band Tactical Sekt. 


The Interview

Q: Can you describe your military and law enforcement background for us? Are there any specifics in your tactical background which the average reader may be unaware of?

A: I am a former Marine and a combat veteran with extensive weapons and tactical training I picked up during that time, primarily rifle and infantry related things. After I finished my enlistment, I spent a couple years doing LEO work after graduating the academy. The experience and training received during this time laid a good foundation for my skillset, though I credit most of my current capabilities to the training I put myself through over the years from various instructors and schools which got me to where I’m at now. All of the life experiences I’ve had, some not even “Tactical” in nature, have lead me to be a good student and teacher.

Q: You run Black Center Tactical, a firearms based tactical fighting school. How did you find yourself in a position to pursue such a program, and what drove you to educating the public about firearms?

A: I saw a real need for people to learn how to fight with the weapons they were buying, and not just the basic safety and marksmanship that was being taught in other schools. I really just started buy teaching friends and then spread the word to social media and the program grew from there.

Q: Why do you think it’s important for civilians to train and learn from firearms? Are there any specific skills or mindsets which develop from a tactical course geared towards guns, and what do you think sets Black Center Tactical apart from other schools?

A: BCT is different than other schools because I start out my students from day one with a focus on the fight, mindset and owning the battlespace. It’s important for gun owners to learn these skills because most buy weapons and set them on the nightstand or in the closet and expect to protect their loved ones and homes if something were to happen that required them to fight with them. The principles that guide my instruction are Shoot, Move and Communicate.

Q: You also operate the Custom Kydex Holster Company, what do you feel makes Kydex holsters unique? Can you discuss the products you make and what they offer to customers?

A: Kydex materials are a lot more durable and customizable than a leather or nylon holster. I can make them is most colors and most models and light combinations. I also make them for outside the waistband carry and inside the waistband carry as well as mag carriers and knife sheaths. Customers can custom build a holster on my website

Q: In 2012 you joined the industrial band Tactical Sekt, what has that experience been like? What do you expect from the band going forward?

A: Playing with Tactical Sekt has been a dream come true for me, Anthony has had the project a long time and being able to come on board and share the stage with such a great friend and musician has been a blast. Tactical Sekt has a new album in the works and some live shows coming up including playing a festival in Toronto, Canada in August.

Q: Do you play any other instruments besides the keyboard? Are there any other genres of music you like to experiment with?

A: I do not play any other instruments, in fact, I really play a computer and just play what I write on the computer using a keyboard. I like all genres of music but my creations typically revolve around electronic dance.

Special thanks to Johnny Bonnett for taking the time to answer all of our questions. One way or another, it seems that tactical schools are here to stay as a welcome addition to other training methods. It’s unconventional, unforgiving, and unlikely to earn you nods at the gym, but tactical and defensive training are an undoubtedly applicable and vital aspect of well-rounded fitness. Maybe it’s time to enroll in a course.

To find out more about Black Center Tactical School please visit their site at, or stop by their Facebook page at You can follow Johnny Bonnett through his Instagram, BLACKCENTER, and be sure to track down Tactical Sekt through their Bandcamp page to listen to their newest music. 

You Don’t Have to Train in a Gym to Be a Jacked Badass- Bodyweight Training of the Experts

Posted on: July 29th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
In the dark, misty depths of history, when men were violent, bloodthirsty killing machines and women were slightly less prone to fomenting a bloodbath, access to gyms was essentially limited to Sparta, Greece and India.  While neither of those nations are known for producing hulking mounds of sinewy muscle in the modern era, they were the only two places in the ancient world that boasted gyms.  The Spartan version, called the agoge, was likely so nightmarish that one would prefer to have sex with a broken-glass-filled-vagina’d Rosie O’Donnell.  Beginning at the age of seven, Spartan boys were underfed, underclothed, overworked, beaten, and taught to be hard.  They were regularly forced to fight to death in an über, super brutal version of MMA called pankration, in which fish hooking and eye gouging were encouraged.  Though they were gyms, they had no weights to lift- instead the students of the agoge regularly lifted and carried stones and logs for distance as if they were in the modern World’s Strongest Man.The Spartans also did a lot of group-oriented calisthenics which, interestingly, led Xerxes to think that they were weaker than a twink with AIDS.  After sending spies to watch the Spartans train, Xerxes discovered that the Spartans exercised in unison with rhythmic movements, which the Persians misinterpreted (hilariously) as dancing.  Thus, they thought they could just roll the apparently light-of-heel Spartans up, and then unknowingly walked right into the teeth of a well-oiled, incredibly strong war machine (Kagkelidou).


 Frankly, this is the closest thing to Greek Calisthenics you’ll see unless you go to a Greek Calisthenics revivalist school, find a Crossfitter obsessed to death with calisthenics, or build a time machine to haul your happy ass back to the 2nd Century BC.
The Greek gymnasium was basically Curves for Women in comparison to the more-brutal-than-the-end-of-A-Serbian-Film agoge.  In a gymnasium, Athenian men over 18 received all manner of physical instruction, the basis of which were calisthenics. For those of you (like myself) who are slobbering history and archeology nerds, the word calisthenics is actually ancient Greek and derives from the word kallos,
which means beauty and strength.   The system of calisthenics was essentially a system of bodyweight exercises that combined the goals of hypertrophy, balance, strength, and endurance (with a heaqlthy dose of philosophy thrown in on top, because the Greeks were awesome like that).  Thus, it wasn’t so much a sport as it was a training system in a cool-ass community center designed to make people awesome.

Somebody had to have modeled for this, so I’d say calisthenics are pretty fucking effective.

Greek calisthenics have been revived and popularized in urban areas, more or less, by teams like Barstarzz or other street performers.  The system as the Greeks originally conceived, consisted of ground work like pushups, ultra wide grip static hold pushups, handstands, handstand pushups, situps, leg raises, lunges
combined with a sort of Thai push kick, pistol squats, leaping front kicks, high knees, and the like.  They also did bar and ring work for the upper body, much as you’d see modern gymnasts do- varieties of
pullups and muscleups and static holds.  No one died (probably) but given the state of the physiques on Greek statues, they were some ripped sons of bitches.


It appears you can get a jacked-ass upper body with nothing more than a set of monkeybars on a public playground.

Modern street calisthenics, as it’s known, mostly consists of work on pullup bars, dip bars, and jungle gyms.  It seems to build some incredible upper body hypertrophy and strength, as well as seriously ripped physiques.  Beyond that, it seems to have become a bit of a performance art, so like the calisthenics of the Spartans, it could almost be construed as dance at times.  In reality, however, it’s simply a rhythmic demonstration of incredible strength and muscular control, which is after all, pretty goddamned cool.  There seems to be no real set program for street calisthenics- the goal is to just get strong and work on body control.  Thus, a heavy dose of dips, pullups, planks, and squats are encouraged at the start.  Then, you basically just play- try shit and see if you can do it.  Then, get stronger and try again.  For those of you looking for linear periodization, you won’t find it here… because linear periodization sucks, and we’re not goddamned robots.

Pretty serious hypertrophy.  These guys are Lee, Ranjit, and Sai of Recession Proof Body (a seriously cool moniker).

Clearly, none of the above is mind-melting or ground breaking, but people rarely think of it in terms of strength building.  I can personally attest, however, to the fact that I am far stronger when I include a couple of 20 minute sessions of bodyweight work every week.  In fact, when I was in college, a buddy and I used to “play cards” a couple of times a week, and that kept us ripped in spite of the fact we were facing a couple of Blizzards from Dairy Queen every day like we were college girls sticking their faces under the frozen yogurt machine every day in the caf.  You know- chasing the freshman 15 (which I guess due to inflation seems to have become the freshman 25, because I’m seeing a lot of livestock wearing college sorority t-shirts lately).  When we played cards we’d watch either Rocky 3 or Rocky 4 and place a deck of cards between us.  We’d take turns drawing cards, and would do either pushups (black) or abs (red).  Black diamonds were diamond pushups, and red diamonds were double the situps.  We’d go through the deck a couple of times, and kept me as ripped as a phone book at a strongman competition and ready as an evangelical Christian dude on his wedding night. In other words, “playing cards” was awesome addition to my 5-6 days a week of training.  These days, I simply do dips and pullups, which I find to be more useful.  If I can find a tall stack of mats, I might do high jumps in between supersets of pullups and dips, or maybe ab wheel.


As this random Russian shows us, it’s all about the pullups.

The third group I mentioned at the outset were the Indians, who actually predated the Greeks and Spartans in terms of having a codified system of exercise. There are extensive historical texts from early antiquity regarding exercise, wrestling, and the sport that was eventually bastardized by hippies in the 1970s called “yoga”.  Physical fitness was prized among the Indians, and every village had a gym in which villagers trained and wrestled.  The calisthenics regime followed by the Indians is what led to them being the most dominant wrestlers in the world for centuries, and it’s more brutal than an Al Qaeda execution video.


 Body built entirely by milk, veggies, almonds, chickpeas, and clarified butter, plus bodyweight exercises.

The program Indian wrestlers use arose out of this millennia-old system of training do over 2000 dands (dive bomber pushups) a day, and can do 1500 of them an hour, and the upper body specialists in India do
over 5000 a day.  Additionally, they do two to three thousand bethaks (free squats standing on their toes) a day, and the fewest a wrestler will do in a day is 500.  On top of that, they do tons of somersaults to
build flexibility and core strength, wrestler’s bridges for their necks, and headstands.  Though they’re now considered weightlifting implements, another feature of their training that could be replicated
without spending a single dime was club swinging, which could be replicated simply by swinging a heavy tree branch or log.  Again, they had no program for training- they’d just bust their asses harder than a slave coal miner in Scotland on the same exercises every day because they wanted to be better than the next man.


Across the Pacific Ocean, thousands of blood-crazed, heavily tattooed, hulking monsters of men, screaming hakas and wielding weapons made of bone, wood, and sharks teeth built their massive bodies not with calisthenics, but with the manliest of leisure pursuits- stone lifting, tug-of-war, wrestling, and boxing.  The Hawaiians were, at the time of their discovery, considered to be some of the most physically striking people in the world.  It’s not hard to imagine Captain James Cook fawning all over the Hawaiians like a preteen over the Jonas Brothers because he basically landed on an island filled with clones of The Rock.  Additionally, their strength was considered unparalleled in the Western world, even at a time when weightlifting and strongman were physically one of the most, striking native races in the world (Aipa).


Just as in India and Greece, physical excellence was prized above all in Hawaiian culture for men.  The most famous king in the history of Hawaii, Kamehameha, was as famous for his strength as he was for his military prowess.  As the 14 year old gripped a stone no other man on the island could flip, the 2.5 ton “Pöhaku Naha,” he screamed:

“Naha Stone art thou:

And by Naha Prince only may thy, sacredness be broken.

Now behold, I am Kamehameha, a Niau-pio

A spreading mist of the forest.”

Badass that he was, he strained so goddamned hard that blood shot out of his eyes like he was a superheavy squatting in the WPO, and with blood dripping from his fingers, he flipped that sonofabitch to the amazement of everyone in attendance (Aipa, Monster).



It’s pretty awesome that the greatest king in Hawaiian history was as famous for his strength as he was for his conquests, but it’s unsurprising- pretty much every leisure activity the Hawaiians participated in showcased physical dexterity or sheer muscle power.  Basically, the Hawaii of yore was like an island filled with hot, strong women and ultra-tan Hafthór Júlíus Björnssons.  Boxing, wrestling, stone lifting, and tug-of-war were all that were needed- no gym required (Games).


Then jumping to the mainland were the native peoples of the Americas.  Obviously, they were a very diverse group of people, but from North America to South America there was a culture of exercise.  Unfortunately, there isn’t much written about any of their specific exercises, but there are anecdotes.  Both the Apache and Iroquois were known for their extreme endurance and toughness.  They were rugged and incredibly strong, according to explorers like Oglethrope expedition member Edward Kimber.  He commented on the appearance of the Seminoles, stating, “As to their figure, ‘tis generally of the largest size, well proportion’d, and robust, as you can imagine Persons nurs’d up in manly Exercises can be” (AIHDP).  Likewise, South Americans were equally strong and tough, and participated in crazy ass strength and conditioning sports that were so tough they’d kill Rich Froning- shit like the favorite pastime of the Ge Indians of South America- log relays, where participants would carry short logs weighting as much as 200 lbs over courses as long as several hundred yards (Crego 189).  As I said, there is only anecdotal evidence of how they trained, but I found a video of a Native American warmup that shows that the Native American warmup is extremely similar to the manner in which the Ancient Greeks trained.


Not a bodybuilder, but the 54 year old world record holder in the pullup.

In summary, if you think bodyweight exercise is bullshit, you’re wrong.  Enough hard training in bodyweight work should, if done right, turn you into a bona-fide badass.  And for those of you who think you can’t build big, stong legs with bodyweight work, consider this- Indian strongman Monohar Aich had a 660 squat at 159lbs mostly from doing thousands upon thousands of free squats in prison.  Most pehlwani have tree trunk legs despite eating a meatless diet, all from free squats, and if you look at Grecian statues, all of the models for those statues had good to great legs, without weighted squats.  Thus, you might want to add in some bodyweight work if you want to achieve your potential, because it certainly won’t hurt, and it will almost definitely help.


Now, go do some goddamned pullups.  Then do some more.



AIHDP.  History of Indigenous Activity.  American Indian Health and Diet Project.  Web.  28 Jul 2015.

Aipa, Daniel. Is Weightlifting a Hawaiian Practice?  The
Ku Project.  16 Mar 2015.  Web.  27 Jul 2015.

Crego, Robert.  Sports and Games of the 18th and 19th Centuries.  Westport: Greenwood Press, 2003.

Games of physical strength.  Hawaii History.  Web.  27 Jul

Kagkelidou, Evangelia.  Calisthenics, the Yoga of Greeks.  Greek Reporter.  9 Oct 2013.  Web.  27 Jul 2015.

Monster, Higa.  Lifting Stones.  AnimalPak.  Web.  27 Jul 2017.

Throwback Thursday: Apex Predator Diet, Part 2- Dieting for Fat Asses

Posted on: July 9th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments
Throwback Thursday is back with the second installment of my diet, the Apex Predator Diet.  We’re going to be working our way backwards from fat to lean, so here is the first level of the diet.  Fatties, take note of this- this is how I think you ought to be dieting given your state of corpulence.  If you didn’t notice from the length of the opening entry into this series, this is going to be one hell of a long string of articles.  For the rest of you, be patient- I’ll be posting an installment of this every Thursday until we’re done, and then will move onto something else.  For those lean people out there who want you diet right now, settle down- our tubby compatriots need a head start shuffling towards whatever destination to which we send them, and ample breaks to catch their breath and shoot insulin and the like.

The Fat Ass Approach

I’ve actually not had to use this, as I have about the same ability to ignore the sensation of my abdominal fat sitting on my waistband when seated as those overly pretty people on the Bachelor have for admitting that they’re actual prostitutes.  As soon as I start feeling that sensation, I start dieting my everloving ass off.  Once lean, I freak out when I lose abdominal vascularity, much less my abs in general.  As such, I’ve had to extrapolate from the diet I used to jump start my fat loss once I noticed that my abs were going the way of the the Kardashian family’s collective personal pride.

I think I hate her more than I actually should because she’s got one of the best asses on Earth.

As with everything I do, this diet is hardly a hard and fast dietary regimen, but rather more like a broad outline with suggestions on what you can do with the finer points.  Thus, you should experiment with a couple of different approaches to determine what works best for you.  From there, you can carry what you’ve learned into the succeeding phases and have an even better handle on your diet than the cast of that ridiculous show Mike and Molly, who apparently have made a pact to eat into immobility in recent years.


The Rundown

  • Kick it off with a 10-14 day keto run (no Rampage for 10-14 days)
  • Protein-sparing modified fast at least one day a week
  • 5 days a week, one solid-food meal a day.
  • low- but not no- carb one day a week, punctuated by a 3 hour cheat window that is at least moderately reasonable.  This is not a full-on Rampage day, but more of a moderated eating spree- you’ll eat things that are off diet, but try to keep them relatively lean and just carb up on low fat foods.
  • One day wherein you eat more than one solid-food no-carb meal a day.
Seems fairly simple, right?  As I’ve said before, this is hardly rocket surgery.  The point in this phase is to get you looking at least decently while keeping your lifts up and not completely hating life.  One of my main problems with the PSMF (protein sparing modified fast), as I’ve mentioned, is the fact that they leave you insanely hungry and can be a distraction from training.  As such, I would recommend (based on personal experience) throwing that day in between your Rampage day and your higher calorie day.  As I almost invariably have my cheat meal on Friday, that works out pretty nicely- keep the calories low on Saturday, drink a shitload of protein shakes (at least 6), and then grub on every meaty bit of deliciousness I can on Sunday.

If you’re concerned about calories, you will moderate your caloric intake according to your individual metabolism.  I’m not talking about some bullshit, low-brow, Easy Bake Oven BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) calculation- you will find your sweet spot through experimentation, because you’re a goddamned mad scientist and only you can understand your own insanity.  Additionally, my conception of a workout is considerably different than that of most, so it would be completely disingenuous for me to suggest that I could tell you what caloric intake would result in the most fat loss and muscular gain.  I can tell you that your body will tell you when it’s had enough fatty meat.  My sweet spot seems to be between 1 and 3.5 lbs of meat in a sitting, depending on the type, my level of activity, and where I am in a week.


Luckily for you, “studies of ketogenic diets have found that when subjects are told to limit carbohydrate intake but to consume “unlimited” quantities of protein and fat, they automatically limit caloric intake and consume between 1400-2100 calories”  (Ketogenic Diet 101).  That’s a very cool biological cruise control you’ve got built in, and I can say that though I generally go a bit higher than that (2000-3000 calories) in my evening meal, I definitely hit a point where I can go no further, and it’s not from being stuffed- my body just taps out and says and says “to hell with it, I’m done.”  The key here, especially for you tubby bastards, is to stop eating before you’re full.  Luckily, meat on the bone slows your eating considerably (I personally tend to scarf down my food like a wild, starving dog), so you’ll have a better sense of where you stand in terms of fullness than you would otherwise.


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There is one unfortunate caveat for you people, however- years of overindulging have raped your endocrine system harder than a big-bootied white girl at a black fraternity and you can no longer fully trust your body’s satiety signals.  Leptin is the hormone made by fat cells that causes your brain to listen to signals of satiety, but overweight people, having much greater fat stores, have higher leptin levels and become resistant to the signal.  As such, I would start toward the lower end of the caloric spectrum and increase as needed, using your level of energy in workouts as a guide. (Russell 22)  One nice thing about the structure of this diet is that it will help to moderate the other side of the hormonal overeating coin- ghrelin.  That’s the hormone that tells your body you’re hungry, and it’s suppressed with high fat diets.  As such, you’ll likely find you’re hungriest on your Rampage day, since you won’t be eating such high fat foods throughout the day.




Many of you, upon seeing some quick results, are going to come to the conclusion that you should skip your Rampage day to prolong your fat loss.  If you choose to do so, I would add in another high calorie day (but not consecutive to another high cal day), and would not recommend that you go more than two weeks without a cheat meal, both for sanity and your metabolism’s sake.  The reason I start this phase with a 10-14 day keto run is that the fatter you are, the harder it is for your body to get into ketosis.


Basically, think of your glycogen stores as a water glass, that you filled up years ago and kept dumping buckets of water on top of the full glass for years, while leaving it out in the rain.  In Seattle.  As such, your insulin receptors threw in the towel years ago, while you were shoving Little Debbie snack cakes down your piehole and washing them down with a Coke.  You’re completely destroyed your body’s ability to correctly recognize its own metabolic signals, so you’re going to have to suffer a bit to undo the damage you’ve done.  Additionally, Dan Duchaine was a big fan of starting ketogenic phases with 10-14 day keto runs, and that makes good sense- fat people produce ketone bodies much more slowly than do lean people (Russell 22).  Thus, I can drop into ketosis inside of a day because I’m lean, but the 308 lber trying to drop to 242 is going to take the better part of the week, for the reasons I outlined earlier in this paragraph.  Happily, there is a fun way to expedite this process- drink vodka.  Drinking clear liquors (not sugary liqueurs) crashes your blood suger, which will cause you to deplete your liver and muscle glycogen faster (George).




Delicious, but in no way keto.  Also, it’s a fire hazard.  I once set my right side and my pants on fire drinking Ouzo.

In regards to how much carbohydrate you should eat, which I’m sure many of you are wondering, you should shoot to keep your carbohydrates to 30 grams or less a day.  “Although up to 100 grams of carbohydrate will allow ketosis to develop, it would be rare to see ketones excreted in the urine at this level of intake” (Ketogenic Diet 104).  Because you’ve spent the last several years stuffing your face with all manner of bullshit, you might want to go ahead and forgo it for the time being so as to get your body back to a state where it can better tolerate carbs.  The nice thing about dieting is that the leaner you get and stay, the more leeway you end up having with it, and the more rapidly you can make physiological changes for the better.  Think of fatloss like a massive freight train- it’s a bitch to get that thing moving, but once it’s up to speed, nothing short of a nuke is stopping that it from reaching its destination.




Is this phase going to be fun?  In spots.  Eating every meal with your hands is awesome, in my opinion.  There’s less cleanup, you get to use wet wipes, and gnawing on a bone is a hell of a good way to avoid biting your fingernails.  The days you’re not eating real food, however, are going to blow.  That’s the price you pay for years of eating like dogshit, however, and if you want to be a beast, you’re going to have to go hungry like one every now and again.


I’m sure you wrestling marks just came in your pants.  Triple H actually uses a moderate-fat ketogenic diet, as it happens.


Sample Week Of The Fat Ass Approach

Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday:

  • 5-6 protein shakes throughout the day (and one overnight, which I’d leave on the toilet and chug while peeing).  I usually had Vitamin Shoppe Whey Tech 24 in the morning, and followed that with Muscle Infusion throughout the day.  If I did a morning workout, it was a short workout (20 mins) usually consisting of one arm deadlifts, and I usually did not have a pre-workout shake.  On two of these four days I typically substitute one shake at lunch with wings or other no-carb meat.  NOTE: Before you eat wings or dry rub ribs, confirm that the sauce and rub do not contain sugar.


  • 1500-2500 calories worth of meat, preferably on the bone, for your evening meal.  If you’re eating chicken, make sure you’re eating the skin.


  • You might want to think about a Protein Sparing Modified Fast (nothing but shakes) on Monday as well, especially if you want to accelerate fatloss.



5-6 protein shakes with a less calorically dense dinner.  This is intended to rotate your calories and stimulate more fatloss.  Instead of ribes, maybe go with a t-bone or a porterhouse.



Watered-down Rampage day.  Keep your carbs reasonable, and focus on getting lean proteins throughout the day.  To give you an idea of how I did this to into single digit bodyfat, most Rampage days consisted of 94% lean meat tacos on low carb shells.  For my cheat meals, I went bananas, but I’d suggest that while you definitely want to make sure you eat a considerable amount of carbs, you should keep your calories in check until you’re starting to see decent progress.  This is for two reasons- you need to learn dietary discipline and because your body still has massive fat stores on which to draw, so massive cheats are unnecessary.  I’ll cover the Rampage Day in depth in an upcoming post, but for now I’d say eat lean and low-to-moderate carb throughout the day and cap the day with a carbohydrate bonanza the likes of which you’ve likely not seen since you saw undergraduate college girls descend on a table of free bagels.  In terms of amounts, I’ll agree with Dave Palumbo and say your initial Rampage day should be in the neighborhood of 400 grams of carbohydrates.  If you don’t lose more weight the following week, reduce that number.  If you lost plenty, you can adjust it up.  For you guys, however, I’d suggest you go easy, since you’ve mangled your insulin sensitivity worse than that broad who got attacked by a chimp a couple of years ago.


This is what your metabolism looks like.  Well done.


Protein Sparing Modified Fast.  Nothing but shakes in water today.  Quite frankly, you’re likely going to want to skip the gym today and just occupy yourself otherwise, but if you do plan on training, be prepared for it to suck, so don’t plan to hit PRs.


Keto day, but eat two meals today- one smaller and one larger.  Make sure you train on this day- your lift will be awesome.


What You Will Need For This Diet

  • A good multi-vitamin.  I cannot bring myself to eat offal, so this is a necessity for me.  If you like eating liver and kidneys and sundry other items you see falling out of hapless victims in Hostel, feel free to skip the multi.  I’m back on the Animal Pak bandwagon, and I’m fairly certain you could cure cancer with it.


  • Omega 3 fatty acids.  I’m not paying eleventy billion dollars for grass-fed beef.  I’ve not got the money for that silliness, and likely nor have you.  Pop Omega 3s like candy and you’re gold.


  • Some permutation of the ECA/ECY (ephedrine/caffeine/aspirin or ephedrine/caffeine/yohimbe) stack, or another good fatburner like Cannibal Inferno, Cannibal Inferno AMPed, or Cannibal Claw.  If you go ECA, don’t give a shit how you combine them- just do it.  Neanderthals were huge fans of ephedrine, and so should you be.(Doweiko 88)  I’ve written about why you should love that stackhere– before I switched to my own stuff, I used Stimerex or Lipodrene.


  • A good blended protein and a good whey protein.  I’ve used Matrix 5.0, Muscle Infusion, and Pro Blend 55 to good effect.  Just make sure that the carbs in that thing are LOW- that means no Muscle Milk, no Syntha 6, no weight gainers.  For the whey, just stay away from that Six Star garbage or anything with added Taurine or Lysine- that means they’re protein spiked and contain far less protein than the label claims.



A Note About Women And This Diet

Assuming you’re a woman or have ever met one, you’re aware that women regard carbohydrates like the last life boat on the titanic and will maul you like a goddamned honey badger if you get between them and their potatoes.  There’s actually a psychochemical reason for this- women appear to either have chronically low seratonin and tryptophan levels or are just addicted to high levels of the two chemicals.  This is especially true around their period, at which time the production of both chemicals in the brain is suppressed.  Additionally, seratonin reduces anxiety, from which every chick I know suffers, and tryptophan is the amino-acid precursor to seratonin, so it contributes to anxiety suppression as well.  (Sayegh et all, Christie)


Guess what kinds of foods stimulate the production of those chemicals?  Carbohydrates.


Protein-rich foods (i.e. the foods women typically ignore for carbohydrate-laden foods) increase dopamine and norepinephrine, which means eating a lot of protein will make you more alert and energetic.  This may be why men are so ready with solutions to any woman’s problems, and happy to share them until she plants a goddamned fork in his eye for doing so.


Her craving for carbs was so great, she had to wrap her face in a dirty blanket to restrain herself.

The reason why I’m including this is because women need a priest qualified for an exorcism and a psychiatrist far more than they need this diet.  I’m not saying you necessarily can’t do it, but it’ll likely make you miserable for a couple of weeks.  Men with high estrogen levels and might have this problem too, but that’s just speculation.  The original sound guy for the Grateful Dead is apparently 100% carnivorous and had this to say about chicks and keto diets:


“The female hormones seem cause a strong craving for carbs, as the female body isn’t fertile without a layer of fat. This makes this diet very hard for women to follow. Traditionally the women are the gatherers of fruits and (starchy) roots, while the men are the hunters. This is shown today in the different ways men and women go about buying things. The gals “shop” which is a trip through the entire store or mall in search of things to buy. They may not actually buy (gather) anything. The guys on the other hand know what they are after, and then seek it out (hunts it down) and buys it, usually then taking it home right away.”(Stanley)


If you do decide to try it, I did a quick google search to see which kinds of cheese might work for this diet, since it’s my experience chicks will consider eating dogshit if it’s covered in enough of the right kind of cheese.  I’ll say right off I know exactly nothing about cheese and despise it.  Thus, I’m making recommendations on macronutrient ratios:


  • Gruyere Cheese– This seems to be about as close to beef ribs as you can get in a cheese.  If you want to sit down to a pound of this shit a day, have at it.  40g of protein and 42g of fat per cup with <1g carbs
  • Limburger Cheese- Damn near as good for you as Gruyere, provided you can tolerate the smell.
  • Goat Cheese, Hard Type
  • Brie Cheese
  • Edam Cheese
  • Monterrey Chesse
  • Muenster Cheese
  • Camembert Cheese

Up next, dieting for the Not Too Fat But Not Too Lean, and the Rampage explained fully and completely.



Christie, Catherine.  Mood-Food Relationships.

Doweiko, Harold E.  Concepts of Chemical Dependency.

Macdonald, Lyle.  Ketogenic Diet.

Russell, Sharmen Apt.  Hunger: An Unnatural History.

Sayegh R, Schiff I, Wurtman J, Spiers P, McDermott J, Wurtman R.  The effect of a carbohydrate-rich beverage on mood, appetite, and cognitive function in women with premenstrual syndrome.  Obstet Gynecol. 1995 Oct;86(4 Pt 1):520-8.

Stanley, Owsley.  Diet and Exercise.


Paleotards Are Doing It Wrong, Part Deux

Posted on: July 7th, 2015 by chaosandpain No Comments

For those of you who read the foregoing entry, you’ll note I generally side with Ray Audette on the subject of paleo dieting.  Unlike his contemporaries, he seems to understand the necessity of fat, the fact that modern fruits in no way resemble ancient fruits, and the fact that hominids of the past were largely carnivorous in nature (Stanford).


That’s not to say, however, that I am some kind of mark for Ray Audette.  He might have done some homework, but he didn’t do all of it.  That’s unsurprising, because he’s neither a historian nor an archaeologist nor a nutritionist- in fact, he is a former computer salesman.  And while his motto for dieting boils down to “A natural diet is what is edible when you are naked with a sharp stick…. When you have no technology” (Sherman).  For some reason, many paleo advocates have taken paleo authors’ recommendations against salt to indicate that seasonings are bad.  Bodybuilders, for some reason, seem to share the concept that seasoning their food will somehow make them fat.  This is, of course, retarded.


I didn’t even know garlic mustard was a plant.

Archaeologists have found that, instead of what was previously believed (in spite of common sense), ancient man spiced the everloving shit out of their food.  Garlic mustard has been found in ancient cooking utensils (Saul).  The paleo community, then, is basically like the Christian community- they take what they like from the texts and discard the rest, and their “gurus” are no different.

“Even if eating only foods available to hunter–gatherers in the Paleolithic made sense, it would be impossible. As Christina Warinner of the University of Zurich emphasizes in her 2012 TED talk, just about every single species commonly consumed today—whether a fruit, vegetable or animal—is drastically different from its Paleolithic predecessor. In most cases, we have transformed the species we eat through artificial selection: we have bred cows, chickens and goats to provide as much meat, milk and eggs as possible and have sown seeds only from plants with the most desirable traits—with the biggest fruits, plumpest kernels, sweetest flesh and fewest natural toxins. Cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts and kale are all different cultivars of a single species, Brassica oleracea; generation by generation, we reshaped this one plant’s leaves, stems and flowers into wildly different arrangements, the same way we bred Welsh corgis, pugs, dachshunds, Saint Bernards and greyhounds out of a single wolf species. Corn was once a straggly grass known as teosinte and tomatoes were once much smaller berries. And the wild ancestors of bananas were rife with seeds” (Jabr).


A Himalayan salt lick.

And as for salt, which Audette rails against in a manner so prolific it rivals the Westboro Baptist Church’s hatred of the homosexuals, it’s not only necessary, but critical.

“Certain isolated groups in areas such as Brazil, Papua New Guinea, and rural African communities have been found to live on sodium intakes of as little as 1150 mg per day. However, despite finding generally low blood pressure in these remote communities, the little evidence that exists on these low salt societies suggests shorter life expectancy and higher mortality rates” (Kresser).

Paleo authors will often rail against sodium intake, suggesting that paleolithic man consumed less sodium than is recommended by the government to maintain optimal health.  Apparently, however, they lack access to Wikipedia.  Wild animals, of whom our ancestors were a part, utilize natural “salt licks” to maintain healthy bone and muscle growth.  These mineral licks are so important to wildlife that they’re illegally used to bait animals for hunting, and even the Vikings mentioned them prominently in their mythology.  According to Norse mythology,

“In Norse mythology, before the creation of the world, it was the divine cow Audhumla who, through her licking of the cosmic salt ice, gave form to Buri, ancestor of the gods and grandfather of Odin. On the first day as Audhumla licked, Buri’s hair appeared from the ice, on the second day his head and on the third his body” (Wikipedia).


A bro this jacked could not have been a stranger to a salt lick.

In other words, no matter what the paleo authors might say, they’re absolute morons- salt is important in your diet.  Nevermind seasonings, which have been used since time immemorial- you need to salt your food.  The issue with salt isn’t too much salt- it’s an imbalance in your salt and potassium intake.  Prehistoric man ate a hell of a lot more potassium than we did, which kept their electrolytes balanced and kept them hydrated.


Ancient India seems so much cooler than modern India it’s hard to compare the two.

Likewise goes for intoxicants.  With the exception of Robb Wolf, paleo authors treat intoxicants as if they were child porn- partake and you should be thrown under Gitmo and raped by a thousand super-hung bulls.  Ancient man and even primates, however, have always loved to get twisted.  Take alcohol, for instance- primates have been getting hammered on alcohol for ten million years.  It’s literally hardwired into our brains to drink for the last 10 million years- exactly the amount of time it took for tree dwelling primates, who cannot metabolize alcohol, to split off from apes, who can (Zolfagharifard).

“‘Ancestral reconstructions of ADH4 demonstrate the ancestor of humans, chimpanzees and gorillas possessed a novel enzyme with dramatically increased activity toward ethanol and we suspect this novel metabolic capacity was adaptive to this hominin ancestor,’ said Professor Carrigan.

‘This transition implies the genomes of modern human, chimpanzee and gorilla began adapting at least 10 million years ago to dietary ethanol present in fermenting fruit.

‘This conclusion contrasts with the relatively short amount of time – about 9,000 years – since fermentative technology enabled humans to consume beverages devoid of food bulk with higher ethanol content than fruit fermenting in the wild.’

He said the history has implications not only for understanding the forces that shaped early human terrestrial adaptations but also for many modern human diseases caused by alcohol today” (Ibid).

So, as you can see, the conception that alcohol is forbidden on the paleo diet is nonsense, as Robb Wolf affirms in his seminal text.   Similarly, other intoxicants are forbidden by paleo authors, though evidence overwhelmingly shows that paleolithic man consumed intoxicants.  Consider, first, that both the ancient Indians and the Neanderthals consumed ephedra (Loporto, Block).  Coffee beans were combined with animal fat to create a protein rich snack (Avey), and coca leaves have been in documented use for over 4000 years.  In short, it’s not unpaleo to get wrecked… and in fact it might not be paleo to be 100% sober.


Paleo Diet misinformation- what caveman would have avoided eating boar?  Ridiculous and deceitful.  Chicanerous and deplorable.

Going back to the diets themselves, though, you’ll note that (with the exception of Perfect Health Diet) none of these diets prescribe specific goals for macros, calorie intake, or anything beyond “don’t just eat the same damn thing every day.”  So the point of paleo dieting is not to of it as “Should I do the Paleo Diet?”, but rather to ask yourself “How can I meet my dietary goals, whatever they are, using Paleo or mostly-Paleo foods?”  Assuming that, if you’re reading Chaos and Pain, you have some idea of how much you need to eat and what macros you’re aiming for, and that you’re probably not obese, Type II diabetic, or otherwise physically dysfunctional, you’re probably looking to bulk up, cut down, boost your T and GH levels, reduce recovery time, or otherwise improve your Wilks.  Given that, it would behoove us to discuss the effective differences between the various versions of paleo as they apply to mostly healthy people.


If this is you, throw yourself down a goddamned well.

Bear in mind, the benefits of the stricter versions of Paleo are often subtle and incremental if you’re mostly healthy — though it’s recommended that you do a month of Strict or Traditional Paleo to see what nagging annoyances might clear up.  Some examples of what you could eliminate would be: recurring fungal infections, falling asleep after lunch, acne, gas and bloating, GERD (aka acid reflux), gout.  Frankly, I’ve never had any of these, but I’m more or less Wolverine when it comes to my immune system.  Aside from allergies, I heal insanely quickly, get sick only ever couple years, and really only suffer from allergies as a general rule.  From what I see online though, paleo is the last dietary bastion of the glutard/hypochondriac crew, who thing they’re “sensitive” to everything from wheat proteins to tapioca and pretty much every dumbass thing in between.  As preposterous as that is, there is something to be said for the placebo effect, as I’ve written about before, so I suppose it’s worth trying even for those halfwits.


Body most definitively not built by paleo.

Another thing to bear in mind is that some or most of you will find it more difficult, or even impossible, to bulk on Strict or Traditional paleo because the foods are far more nutritious and less calorie-dense than bulking staples like protein/milk shakes.  It’s tough to get to 2g/kg of protein when you have to do it by actually eating meat and eggs.  Furthermore, you’re not going to be “carb backloading”, consuming “super starch”, or any other plan involving pathological candy consumption or powders sold in a tub.  In spite of that fact, turn of the century strongmen were able to get huge and strong eating more or less paleo, so you can too- it’s just going to require a hell of a lot of stuffing your face.  I can personally attest to having attempted a modified paleo diet that included a tortilla day post workout, and the rest of which was Granny Smith apples, almonds, chicken breast, chicken thigh, and broccoli and cauliflower.  In 10 months, my lifts all increased considerably, but my bodyweight dropped about ten pounds as I got much leaner and stronger.


If it can make dudes who eschew meat and weights and live off of chickpeas and pushups look better than most of the bros at your gym, there’s likely something to Ayurvedic medicine.

As for nutritional supplements, they’re really not paleo.  As I stated, paleolithic man used herbs for performance enhancement, and all of Ayurvedic medicine is based on the use of herbs for health improvements and performance enhancement, but they were hardly slamming protein shakes and preworkouts on the regular.  It might be worth experimenting with ditching them for your month of clean paleo, however, because you could then determine upon adding them back in exactly what works and what doesn’t.


Cro-Magnon man was almost entirely carnivorous… likely so he could beat the shit out of Neanderthals and bang their wives.

If that a bit confusing and daunting, you’re not alone.  In my research I was honestly perplexed by the disparity in diet recommendations by paleo authors, just as I was with the authors who wrote about the Ph of various diets- literally no two agreed on anything.  As such, I enjoin you to read up on this stuff and do a bit of your own research- check out ScienceDaily, for one, and do an occasional search on the diets of Cro-Magnons and Neanderthals- it will do you a world of good.


Up next, we’ve got an article headed your way on picking the type of paleo to best suit your lifestyle (even though none of them are really “paleo”), the use of protein, and a couple other topics.  Till then, keep it beastly!



Avey, Tori.  The Caffeinated History of Coffee.  PBS.  8 Apr 2013.  Web.  7 Jul 2015.

Block, Jill.  Ma huang, an ancient Chinese stimulant.  UCLA.  Winter 1998.  Web.  7 Jul 2015.

Jabr, Ferris.  How to Really Eat Like a Hunter-Gatherer: Why the Paleo Diet Is Half-Baked.  Scientific American.  3 Jun 2013.  Web.  & Jul 2015.

Kresser, Chris.  Shaking up the Salt Myth: The Human Need for Salt.  13 Apr 2012.  Web.  7 Jul 2015.

LoPorto, Garret.  Surprising Way Your Neanderthal Genes May Affect You.  HuffPost.  10 May 2010.

Saul H, Madella M, Fischer A, Glykou A, Hartz S, Craig OE.  Phytoliths in Pottery Reveal the Use of Spice in European Prehistoric Cuisine. PLoS ONE, 2013.  8(8): e70583

Sherman, Rebecca.  Neander-Guy.  Dallas Observer.  6 Jul 1995.  Web.  7 Jul 2015.

Stanford CB, Bunn HT. Meat eating and hominid evolution

Current Anthropology,  1990. 40(5):726-728

Zolfagharifard, Ellie.  We’ve been drinking alcohol for TEN MILLION years: Gene mutation reveals our primate ancestors enjoyed fermented fruit.  1 Dec 2014.  Web.  7 Jul 2015.